COMEDY

David Cameron's Scotland Speech: A Translation

19/09/2014 10:57 BST | Updated 19/09/2014 11:59 BST
PA

Translated: the highlights of David Cameron's speech following Scotland's decision to remain part of the UK...

The people of Scotland have spoken. It is a clear result. They have kept our country of four nations together. Like millions of other people, I am delighted.

Thank f*** for that.

As I said during the campaign, it would have broken my heart to see our United Kingdom come to an end.

As it became clear during the final weeks of the campaign, it would have broken my heart to see my premiership come to an end.

And I know that sentiment was shared by people, not just across our country, but also around the world…

And I know that sentiment was shared by people, although not half of the Scottish people...

So now it is time for our United Kingdom to come together, and to move forward.

So now it is time for all the Yes voters to shut up.

A vital part of that will be a balanced settlement – fair to people in Scotland and importantly to everyone in England, Wales and Northern Ireland as well.

A vital part of that will be a balanced settlement – fair to the Tories who back me and the ones who are really, really angry about what I've agreed to.

Let us first remember why we had this debate – and why it was right to do so.

Let me first remind you that you have no right to complain about this.

The Scottish National Party was elected in Scotland in 2011 and promised a referendum on independence...

I agreed to what the Scottish National Party wanted because I never thought I could lose...

We could have put it off but just as with other big issues, it was right to take - not duck - the big decision.

Just as with other issues, it was right to take what felt like absolutely no risk at all.

But I am also a democrat. And it was right that we respected the SNP’s majority in Holyrood and gave the Scottish people their right to have their say.

But I am also a Tory. And it was right that Westminster allowed the little people of Scotland to play at democracy.

Let us also remember why it was right to ask the definitive question, Yes or No.

Let us also remember why it was right to ask the definitive question, Yes or No. It was because I didn't want to offer you what I've been forced to offer you now.

Because now the debate has been settled for a generation or as Alex Salmond has said, perhaps for a lifetime. So there can be no disputes, no re-runs – we have heard the settled will of the Scottish people.

Back in your box, Yes supporters.

I also want to pay tribute to Yes Scotland for a well-fought campaign and to say to all those who did vote for independence: "We hear you."

I also want to pay lip service to Yes Scotland for a campaign that scared the life out of us, and to say to all those who did vote for independence: "Yes, we ignored you. For years."

Political leaders on all sides of the debate now bear a heavy responsibility to come together and work constructively to advance the interests of people in Scotland, as well as those in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, for each and every citizen of our United Kingdom.

Political leaders on all sides of the debate now bear a heavy responsibility to come together and work constructively to advance the interests of people in Scotland, as well as those in England, Wales and Northern Ireland, for each and every citizen of our United Kingdom. Don't hold your breath.

The three pro-union parties have made commitments, clear commitments, on further powers for the Scottish Parliament. We will ensure that they are honoured in full.

The three pro-union parties have made commitments, clear commitments, on further powers for the Scottish Parliament. We will ensure that they are honoured in full, just as we honoured our pledge that the NHS was safe in our hands and Nick Clegg honoured his pledge on tuition fees.

Just as the people of Scotland will have more power over their affairs, so it follows that the people of England, Wales and Northern Ireland must have a bigger say over theirs.

I'm absolutely bricking it about what we've started here.

I have asked William Hague to draw up these plans.

To draw up these plans, I have asked a man used to dealing with foreign countries and war.

We will set up a Cabinet Committee right away and proposals will also be ready to the same timetable.

This is no way a rush job being drawn up at the last minute when in fact we had three years to plan it.

I hope the Labour Party and other parties will contribute.

My own party hates me so without Labour, I'm f***ed.

This referendum has been hard fought.

This referendum has scared the life out of me.

It has stirred strong passions.

I almost cried at one point.

It has electrified politics in Scotland, and caught the imagination of people across the whole of our United Kingdom.

People have actually cared about politics for once because they knew their voted counted and they had a real chance of getting rid of this government.

It will be remembered as a powerful demonstration of the strength and vitality of our ancient democracy.

It will be remembered as the time I completely f***ed things up and almost lost my job thanks to the strength and vitality of the Scottish people.

Record numbers registered to vote and record numbers cast their vote. We can all be proud of that.

Record numbers registered to vote and record numbers cast their vote. We Tories can all be terrified of that.

It has reminded us how fortunate we are that we are able to settle these vital issues at the ballot box, peacefully and calmly.

It has reminded me how fortunate I am to still be Prime Minister.

Now we must look forward and turn this into the moment when everyone – whichever way they voted – comes together to build that better, brighter future for our entire United Kingdom.

Now the Tory party must look forward and turn this into the moment when everyone – however angry they are with me – comes together to build that better, brighter future for me as Prime Minister.

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