LIFESTYLE

How 'Normal' Are Your Sexual Fantasies? Men And Women Share Their Secret Urges

04/11/2014 14:44 GMT | Updated 04/11/2014 14:59 GMT

For many our sexual fantasies should be seen (in our heads) and not heard. Why? For fear that our penchant for pleather boots and feather boas would be seen as weird by our partners.

So how can we know whether our sexual fantasies are normal? Well, a study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine hopes to shed light on the issue.

"Clinically, we know what pathological sexual fantasies are: they involved non-consenting partners, they induce pain, or they are absolutely necessary in deriving satisfaction," says lead author Christian Joyal in a statement. "But apart from that, what exactly are abnormal or atypical fantasies?"

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"Our main objective was to specify norms in sexual fantasies, an essential step in defining pathologies," he explained.

"And as we suspected, there are a lot more common fantasies than atypical fantasies."

The survey polled 1,517 adults (799 men and 718 women) from Quebec about their sexual fantasies and asked them to describe them in detail.

Study authors say that the key findings are as follows:

  • The nature of sexual fantasies are varied among the general population. Few fantasies can be considered statistically rare, unusual, or typical.
  • However, not surprisingly, the study confirms that men have more fantasies and describe them more vividly than women. The study also tells us that a significant proportion of women (30% to 60%) evoke themes associated with submission (e.g., being tied up, spanked, forced to have sex).
  • Importantly, unlike men, women in general clearly distinguish between fantasy and desire. Thus, many women who express more extreme fantasies of submission (e.g. domination by a stranger) specify that they never want these fantasies to come true. The majority of men, however, would love their fantasies to come true (e.g. threesomes).
  • As expected, the presence of one's significant other is considerably stronger in female fantasies than in male fantasies. In general, men in couples fantasize much more about extramarital relationships compared to women.

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Here are the most and least common fantasies for men and women.

Most Common Female Fantasies

92.2% - I like to feel romantic emotions during a sexual relationship

86.4% - Atmosphere and location are important in my sexual fantasies

84.9% - Having sex in a romantic location

81.7% - Having sex in an unusual place

78.5% - Taking part in oral sex

72.1% - Giving fellatio

71.4% - Being masturbated by my partner

68.1% - Masturbating my partner

66.3% - Having sex with someone that I know who is not my spouse

64.6% - Being dominated sexually

Most Common Male Fantasies

88.3% - I like to feel romantic emotions during a sexual relationship

87.6% - Taking part in oral sex

84.5% - Having sex with two women

83.4% - Having sex with someone who is not my spouse

82.3% - Having sex in an unusual place

82.1% - Watching two women make love

81.2% - Atmosphere and location are important in my sexual fantasies

80.4% - Ejaculating on my sexual partner (for men only)

78.4% - Having sex in a romantic location

78.1% - Giving cunnilingus

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Least Common Female Fantasies

16.6% - Showing myself naked or partially naked in a public place

12.5% - Having sex with a prostitute or stripper

10.8% - Having a sexual relationship with a woman with very small breasts

10.8% - Sexually abusing a person who is drunk, asleep or unconscious

10.8% - Forcing someone to have sex

6.9% - Wearing clothing associated with the opposite sex

3.5% - My sexual partner urinating on me

3.5% - Urinating on my sexual partner

3% - Having sex with an animal

0.8% - Having sex with a child under the age of 12 years

Least Common Male Fantasies

22% - Forcing someone to have sex

20.6% - Having homosexual (or gay) sex

16.2% - Watching two men have sex

15.8% - Having sex with more than three people, both men and women

13.1% - Having sex with more than three people, all men

10 % - Wearing clothing associated with the opposite sex

10% - My sexual partner urinating on me

8% - Urinating on my sexual partner

2.2% - Having sex with an animal

1.8% - Having sec with a child under the age of 12 years