(Warning: NSFW language follows)
It all started with this tweet from Nick Harvey....
Wife: This pub does great food.
Me: I know. I really like The Blue Anchor.
3 y/o: POO WANKER POO WANKER!
Me: Oh, Jesus.
Wife: This is bad.— Nick Harvey (@mrnickharvey) January 17, 2015
Yes, the moment when a child says something unintentionally - or indeed intentionally - rude will be familiar to any parent. Or, indeed, anyone who has ever been a child.
As a result, Twitter responded to Harvey's tweet with a whole raft of similarly amusing stories. Stories about animals:
@mrnickharvey my daughter once spent an entire shopping trip shouting "I LOVE MY PUSSY!" - we had a new cat.....— Ruth Cherry (@Northernruth) January 17, 2015
Stories about body parts:
@mrnickharvey My eldest called chocolate Cock. Being in Thorntons was a nightmare.— summer (@reallytrullyto) January 17, 2015
And other amusing mispronunciations:
@mrnickharvey my 2yo once pointed out the window and shouted "fuck its" at his great Nan's house. He meant foxes...— Brooksie (@Brooksie_30) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey 2yo son couldn't say flags. Passed a fete one day he shouted "look Mummy slags" as 2 teenage girls walked passed us!— Karen C (@karen4013) January 17, 2015
Then, of course, there are things kids say because they're mimicking what they've heard:
@mrnickharvey My 3 year old proudly told her grandparents that she knew what a wanker was. It was a bad driver.— Andy Leach (@4ndrewJames) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey My daughter was 4 or 5, sitting at PC on CBeebies site. Then she somehow went to another page & read out "fuck this shit".— Rosbif AzAK (@Rosbif65) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey cousin tells a tale of watching her 5yo son playing in his pedal car. Stuck near a tree he yelled "I CANT FIND FUCKING REVERSE— Julian Boardman (@JBBoardman) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey when 6, I watched The Waltons &their house burnt down. I piped up "Why not throw water on it dickheads!" to packed front room.— Sam Gorman (@Sambabysg) January 17, 2015
.@mrnickharvey after asking how I was enjoying having a new sister, 3 y/o me replied, I'm fine but apparently my mam has a very sore vagina— Rebecca Foote (@becswithspecs) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey a friend forgot daughter was in back of car, at the end of journey she pipes up "Mum, Auntie Carrie is not a fucking bitch"— dapfalk (@Dapfalk) January 17, 2015
Or slightly misheard:
@mrnickharvey My sister, when very young, told everyone that my Mum had fitted dildo rail in the hallway....— julie dearness (@juliedearness) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey My nephew as a young lad went to his local chippy & asked for an abortion of chips.— Boosted Recordoid (@Funk_Pump) January 17, 2015
7yo: Mum, the neighbours have bugger alarms, why don't we? We should get a bugger alarm.
I'd have corrected her, but you know, bugger alarm— DG (@Donna_Gallers) January 17, 2015
There were stories about kids with imperfect social etiquette:
@mrnickharvey my son once said to a man who was sat next to us on a London to brum train 'where has all your teeth and hair gone old man?'— ♍️➕⬆️ℹ️♑️♈️3⃣ (@Me_andthe_tiny3) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey 'Are you gonna die soon?' 4 year old me to a random elderly lady in Asda. Mum was mortified.— Danielle (@Sir_Fulmar) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey my daughter pointed at an elderly lady in the local shop and said 'Witch!'— Ben Thurston (@BenThurston) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey my mate's son saw a guy with dwarfism walk past on holiday and exclaimed "THAT'S A FUNNY MAN" at the top of his voice.— SΔM (@BlessedWithPace) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey A man on a shop mobility scooter ambled past us recently. My daughter asked if she could have a go in his go kart.— Steve (@ScoobyEDF) January 17, 2015
And then there's the kids who just don't give a damn:
@mrnickharvey When I was 3, I asked my aunt & her boyfriend if they were having sex, in front of a crowded room.— Meg (@MRipley13) January 17, 2015
@mrnickharvey 3 year old me told my mum while in a supermarket how 'fucking' was a bad word. Talked for 1 minute. Said 'fucking' 25 times— Kara (@Roxy_Hart) January 17, 2015
Still, we think the last word should go to this kid, who's clearly learned well:
@mrnickharvey also, my daughter when 3y/o told my chunky mate who was teasing her to "Shut up you fat prick". Priceless pub banter.— Sam Gorman (@Sambabysg) January 17, 2015
Priceless, indeed. You can read even more on Nick Harvey's Storify thread.Suggest a correction