Ah, another Royal baby is on the way at the end of the month and the media are starting to go into baby overdrive. Prince George is so blimmin cute with his chubby cheeky and little grin but, let's face it, Kate is somewhat Goddess like. With her impeccable fashion, flawless make up and perfect baby bump, whilst we all waddle about living in flip flops and plus size maxi dresses. With the tabloids incessantly speculating on due dates and the gender (yawn!), I've compiled the burning questions we all would REALLY like to ask her...
1) Do you tuck your belly into your knickers?
2) Do you throw on your pjs watching Jeremy Kyle whilst letting Prince George eat Lego and draw on the palace walls in biro?
3) Does your stomach drop when Camilla rings to say she will be over in 10 and your palace is a tip?
4) Do your eyes minus make up look like you've gone 12 rounds with Mike Tyson?
5) Do you and Wills have a massive row over who gets the coveted Sunday lie in?
6) Do people tell you that you're mental for having another mini prince/princess so close together in age?
7) Are you wondering if Wills too has the ginger gene and if the new HRH sproglet will have a shock of red hair?
8) Is Harry the favourite uncle?
9) Are you allowed to get piles if you're royalty?
10) Have you ever dispatched a royal servant to go get a KFC and a massive tub of gravy at 11.30pm?
11) Did Great Grandad Phillip make the age old "did they put an extra stitch" joke first time around?
12) Which family member bought the best gift for Prince G?
13) Is toddler role play of King and Queen dress-up frowned upon?!
14) Do you and Zara have the old Breast vs Formula chat?
15) Do people tut at you when Prince George has a meltdown in the aisles of Tesco no, Waitrose, no. Erm. The 33 acre field at the back of your third house?
16) Mr Maker or Mr Bloom?
17) Peppa Pig or Ben and Holly?
18) Do you get your labour nighty and underwear from Primark so you can throw it away straight after?
19) Have you ever put your phone in the fridge and forgotten all about it in a state of sheer exhaustion?
20) Do you ever wish you weren't part of the royal family so you can endure the HELL that is soft play as it's seen as a rite of passage to spend at least two hours in what is essentially a padded cell?
21) Do you wish you could go out in your slobs, greasy hair and no make up, because you just can't be bothered after spending 16 hours a day with your head down the toilet?
22) Is everyone telling you how they really want you to have a girl because then you'll "have one of each"?
23) Do you get your nappies in Aldi or stock up at the Tesco baby event?
24) Do you send Wills out to the Next sale at 5am to get the next size up clothes?
25) Does Prince George have the knack of pooing JUST as you set off for a long car drive?
26) Do you purée or are you a diehard BLW fan?
27) Ever had baby sick go down your bra?
28) Have you ever rocked up to a royal event with baby sick down your sleeve?
29) Will baby number 2 have all Prince G's hand me downs?
30) Do you wish you weren't constantly asked such inane, ridiculous, pointless questions?
...and that's my cue to leave!
PS. Please do not banish me to the the Tower of London please. Cheers!
And some more of the pregnant Kate press obsession...