Woe betide anyone who gets on the wrong side of this bride.
A Bridezilla has issued what is probably the most terrifying list of instructions ever to her bridesmaids (read: underlings) in preparation for her wedding.
And just reading it was enough to send shivers down our spine.
According to Gawker, the bride - who is now happily married, thank God - issued the following list of instructions to her poor bridesmaids six months in advance of the big day.
She essentially wanted to dictate every aspect of her bridesmaids' lives to make the wedding as perfect as possible. And would stop at nothing to ensure this happened.
Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
I just wanted to go over some ground rules.
1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room
2. No-one can be skinner than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out "maids," which brings me to my next point.
5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
7. Speeches: We all know what happened at Taylor's wedding. So if you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
8. Hair cuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
Everything from haircuts and bed times to tattoos and weight planning was covered - and the consequences for those who didn't abide by the bride's rules were all kinds of grim.
Read more over on Gawker.