COMEDY

'Daily Mail's Notes' For Glastonbury Reporters Found

01/07/2015 11:08 BST | Updated 02/07/2015 10:59 BST

A rather interesting piece of paper has turned up among the leftover rubbish at Worthy Farm, appearing the show the Daily Mail's instructions to its reporters who were covering the event.

Ok, so maybe it's not *quite* real. We don't think the DM would actually use Comic Sans as a font.

daily mail glastonbury letter information festival

Seems legit.

The satirical joke note tells photographers to focus on:

  • Pretty girls in wellies
  • Pretty girls in sandals
  • Pretty girls in bikinis
  • Pretty girls in mud
  • Pretty girls in crowds
  • Pretty girls in fancy dress
  • Pretty girls flashing breasts
  • Weird looking men

Meanwhile, reporters are told:

  • Never identify yourself as a Daily Mail reporter or they may lynch you.
  • If you find a story first think "How can I make this two stories?"
  • Be shocked by all drug and alcohol consumption (except your own).
  • Be shocked by all swearing (except your own).
  • Take notes on any performers who criticise the Queen, David Cameron or Gary Barlow.
  • Remember: All cigarettes are suspicious.
  • Mock anyone who embraces the festival spirit seriously.
  • No photographs of Muslims unless they appear to be unhappy.
  • Ask each reveller what their house is worth and what their parents do for a living.
  • Assume they're all on benefits - if they say they're not then they're probably lying.
  • REMEMBER: If you don't understand it, it's probably wrong. This is a strange and dangerous place, don't be seduced by the hedonism.

[h/t @DMReporter]

SEE ALSO:

Glastonbury 2015: All the performances