For what you are about to read, we can only apologise but there are something things that should never be done to an egg. Putting it in a Rollie Eggmaster, is one of them.
As one Amazon reviewer said, it turns eggs into a "delicious phallic shaped" breakfast.
Clearly, the UK just wasn't ready for such a drastic revision of the traditional omelette, scrambled whites and bulls-eye creations that we've all come to know and love.
On Wednesday, the Guardian's Rhik Samadder called the vertical egg cooking system a "horrifying, unholy affair..." That's because of what it does to the humble egg:
Yes, we know. We're sorry you had to see this too. Twitter also lamented the abuse eggs will now have to suffer as result of households buying this monster product.
— Chris Russell (@chrisrusselluk) July 16, 2015
THE END OF
EGGMASTER!!!— eggfuckr69 (@eggapologist) July 4, 2015
Other dishes this demon device allows you to create includes egg-coated hotdogs that nobody in their right mind should ever try because it looks like this:
If you're still tempted, Samadder reports that the cooking process is almost as horrifying as watching a Hollywood alien blockbuster.
"Without warning, a flaccid, spongy log half jumps from the machine, writhing like an alien parasite in search of a host body. It’s horrifying, like a scene from The Lair of the White Worm..."
However, Amazon appear to be a little kinder to the horrendous gadget, with 42% of the 129 reviewers giving it five stars.
One positive review's only complaint was the gadget's "premature evacuation."
Although I use this everyday to make my eggs they always come out raw at the top, no matter how many eggs I put in or what size, it always pops out too soon! I have compensated by flipping the egg tube over and cooking the otherwise. Also takes too long to cook eggs... Other than that pretty convenient and tasty!
Another criticism pointed out that it only worked five times and then died. Perhaps a fitting end for a product that should have never been invented in the first place.