STYLE

Things That Only Happen When You're Wearing Mirrored Sunglasses

03/08/2015 17:12 BST | Updated 04/08/2015 11:59 BST

What better way to hide around a third of your massive hangover than mirrored sunglasses? This genius contraption offers absolutely no insight into the terrible things that lie beneath.

However - despite their obvious benefits, I've never actually owned a pair. Here are five things I learned when I wore them for an entire week...

mirrored sunglasses

Ray Ban Round Flash Blue Sunglasses, £147 ray-ban.com

1. You'll instantly be more attractive

Bit of a weird one here, can essentially looking like a cross between John Lennon and Jeff Goldblum in The Fly make people fancy you more?

According to scientists, yes and according to my very non-scientific research, yes also. Although one person did look entirely disappointed when I took them off.

2. You can stare at people, a lot

The obvious benefit of mirrored sunglasses is the ability to people watch, perve on and silently judge your fellow man without anyone becoming majorly offended and/or trying to actually speak to you. Which leads to...

3. You'll become distinctly aloof

Even if you have the social skills of a golden retriever, mirrored sunglasses will immediately transport you to an ivory tower of silent disdain.

Every innocent glance becomes a withering glare and you can't catch someone's attention if you can't see where they're looking... you could even be asleep and no one would suspect a thing.

simpsons

4. But you'll want to murder everyone

Because, as it turns out, people are about 72%* less interested in hearing what you have to say when they could be staring at their own reflection in the gleaming pools that used to be your eyes.

You'll also discover just how many times in five minutes someone can reposition their own fringe. Hint: it's a lot.

*Not an actual fact.

5. Your old summer clothes just got interesting.

There's something instantly outfit reviving about a pair of mirrored glasses. Suddenly you're Tom Cruise in Top Gun, Hunter S. Thompson cruising the Las Vegas strip, Prince just on a regular day.

Very few things can transform your appearance in a matter of seconds like a good pair of shades.

There's a reason every street vendor in summer has a rack of the things on show. They're not selling UV protection, they're selling dreams.

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