COMEDY

Slow News Day??? Why Yes, It Is. Thanks For Asking.

26/08/2015 14:31 BST | Updated 26/08/2015 14:59 BST
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Journalists receive lots of interesting questions in the comments section of our stories, and we sure do appreciate them. After all, they help us think more deeply about the topics we cover. Sometimes, a reader can point out something we hadn't considered before, which can lead to a new story idea down the road. This process makes our lives easier. Thank you. 

Unfortunately, we have failed to return the favor in one critical way. Over and over, you have asked us a particular question, and over and over, it has gone unanswered. It's hard to explain why we haven't answered it, except to say we have been busy. But fret no more, dear readers. We will fail you no longer. Today is the day you will receive your answer. Just take a seat, because here it is, the answer to the question you've been asking us for years.

Yes, it is a slow news day. Confirmed. Thank you for asking. 

We appreciate the "slow news day???" question for so many reasons, but mostly because it is so empathetic. It is nice to know that readers are concerned that we are bored. Of course, the question is not always posed in this exact manner. Sometimes people prefer variations such as "SLOW NEWS DAY MUCH?" or “WOW NO NEWS!?!?!?!?” Other times they ask the question in more subtle ways, like, “NOTHING BETTER TO WRITE!?!?!?!?!?” or the classic “WHY IS THIS NEWS?!?!?!?” Love it! All of these make us feel equally good. Again, we thank you.

As journalists who love the news, slow news days are hard for us, so it's nice to know you care. News is slow, yet our jobs still exist. What to do? If we could, we would simply post a sign on our front page that reads “NO NEWS” and head off to happy hour a little earlier than usual. But we can't do that. We know we can't because we've tried. So instead, we write posts that are less exciting than the posts we write on fast news days. This makes us sad. That's what makes it so nice to see one of your worried questions. It makes us feel loved.

Once again, we thank you. And apologies for taking so long to answer your question. There's been a lot of news to take care of recently. 

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