LIFESTYLE

Life After Divorce: 8 Ways You Are Going To Get Through The Breakup Of Your Marriage

02/01/2016 09:07 | Updated 02 January 2016

Divorce rates tend to be at their highest in January, but knowing you're one of the many people going through the breakdown of a marriage doesn't make things any easier.

But to show you that things will get better, we've summed up tips and advice from HuffPost UK bloggers on how to get through divorce.

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1. Rediscover who you are

Divorcee and life coach Sara Davison believes rediscovering who you are at your core is a key part of your recovery process.

"Your true identity will often get lost in a relationship as you become co-dependent in order to keep the relationship alive," she blogs.

"It's a good idea to take some time to think about how you would like to redesign your new future and set some new goals.

"There are some great coaches and also lots of self help books available to guide you through the process. It's well worth the investment of time as just by having a focus for your future you will start to feel better.

"It will declutter the chaos of the unknown and the fear of change that always accompanies the end of a relationship. You will be amazed at how setting small simple steps will give you a reason to keep moving forward."

2. Be careful who you listen to

Solicitor and entrepreneur Lauren Riley recommends seeking professional legal help as soon as possible, then blocking out the background noise.

"I probably can't even count the amount of times a client came to me with advice they have picked up from X down the pub or Y's sister's friend's uncle," she blogs.

"It's great that people want to help at difficult times and of course friends and family are invaluable. However, they are unlikely to be the best source of legal advice.

"Cases are decided on the individual circumstances of each case, therefore two peoples' experiences and outcomes are likely to differ greatly.

"Trust the expert advice you are paying for. If you have doubts about your legal representative then seek the advice of another. It took many years to qualify into our roles, there is a good reason for that."

3. Let your employer know what's going on

Mixing your personal life with your work life may sounds terrifying, but sometimes it really is the best option.

Divorce mentor Liz Copeland says: "You cannot expect your HR department to hold your hand through this emotional time.

"However, getting them on side will help ease your time at work if you have to take time off to attend legal meetings or find that you now start needing to do things like pick up children from school etc as your family timetable has changed.

"Let them know what is happening, but do reassure them that you have put practical measures into place to make sure that your work will not be affected."

4. Learn that you are a better parent after divorce

If you have children, chances are you've spent a long time worrying about how your divorce will affect them. But once you accept that you are a better parent when you are single this guilt will be far easier to handle.

"Single parenting brings a flexibility which allows going to the cinema on the spur of the moment or indulging in an impromptu picnic. I do not have to check with the other parent or plan events far in advance," Soila Sindiyo blogs.

"Instead of viewing life as an obstacle course, it is an adventure with serendipitous moments post-divorce.

"My sons give this feedback about single parenthood. They claim I listen to them intently now which in turn enables them to feel more valued. We discuss our lives in depth instead of merely skimming the surface as was done pre-divorce."

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5. Don't drink and text

Whether you're tempted to text your ex a soppy message or slag them off to a mutual friend, alcohol will only make matter worse.

"A couple of drinks won't make you Shakespeare. Or adorable. They just won't," Karen Young blogs.

"Alcohol is a depressant so best to stay away if you're on a downhill slide. If you are going to have a drink, protect yourself from the temptation to drunk-text.

"You're human. You'll want to. But don't trust the courage that's fed by a decent pinot. Give your phone to a friend and explain that unless you're sober, she's to feed it to wolves before giving it back to you."

6. Exercise

According to relationship therapist John Howard, exercise can help lower stress and anxiety by stimulating the production of positive hormones and neurochemicals and is therefore helpful when going through divorce.

"Exercise is known to ward off depression and helps us channel our emotions through physical activity. Daily exercise of 20-30 minutes, or three times a week for 50 minutes, seems to be enough to derive the benefits," he says.

"Be careful of over-exercising as a way to channel stress as that can place additional burdens on your system at a time when it needs resources to handle your feelings. Adding extra B vitamins to your diet has also been shown to have positive effects on your mental wellbeing."

7. Get outside

"Take a stroll with the kids or the dog so that you get some fresh air and enjoy your surroundings," Ian Oliver blogs.

"Really look at the sky, birds, flowers and stop to enjoy them. Sometimes when it seems like your whole world is crashing down on you, you have to remember to stop and enjoy the little things.

"Life itself is beautiful, and during this time we need a reminder."

8. Date again, when you're ready

According to Lovestruck.com founder Brett Harding everyone is different when it comes to feeling ready to date again after divorce and studies show that there is "no predetermined time after a divorce or break-up before you feel ready to start dating again".

"While moving into another relationship quickly will short circuit the healing process, it is crucial to get the timing right," he blogs.

"Don't date until your are ready because it if you are serious about finding love again, you need to understand the reasons your last relationship didn't work and to have grieved properly for it."

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