Ricky Gervais promised he would say what he liked, pint in hand, at the Golden Globes Awards, and so it proved with a string of zingers that hit their target, including a clenching Matt Damon, even though the line was aimed not at him, but his best pal Ben Affleck.
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However, Ricky saved the best of himself for the arrival on stage of Mel Gibson. Here are the best lines of Ricky's LA night...
"He's also the only person who Ben Affleck hasn't been unfaithful to. Please welcome, Matt Damon!"
Ricky couldn't resist another aside to Mel Gibson, which got bleeped and unfortunately missed by the TV audience
“One Hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of. As if film stars would stay away from the chance of winning a Golden Globe! Especially if their film company has already paid for it.”
"I am going to do this monologue and then go into hiding. Not even Sean Penn will find me," He took a swig of beer and added "Snitch."
“The excellent Spotlight has been nominated. The Catholic Church are furious about the film, as it exposes the fact that 5 percent of all their priests have repeatedly molested children and have been allowed to continue without punishment. Roman Polanski called it the best date movie ever.”
“The Hollywood Foreign Press Association deemed The Martian a comedy and even nominated it. Hence Matt Damon is here tonight. So that worked a treat, didn’t it. To be fair, The Martian was a lot funnier than Pixels. But then again so was Schindler’s List.”
“All-female remakes are the big thing. There’s a female remake of Ghostbusters, there’s going to be a female remake of Ocean’s Eleven. It’s brilliant for the studios because they can get guaranteed box office results and don’t have to spend too much money on the cast.”
“Listen, if you do win tonight, remember: No one caress about that award as much as you do. Don’t get emotional it’s embarrassing, okay. That award is, no offense, worthless. It’s a bit of metal that some nice old confused journalists wanted to give you in person so they could meet you and have a selfie with you, okay? That’s all it is. I’ve got three Golden Globes myself. One’s a doorstop, one I hit burglars with and one I keep by my bed. It’s the right shape and size. To be clear that’s a joke about me shoving Golden Globes — that I’ve won! — up my ass. And they asked me to host four times!”
Introducing Mel Gibson, back in the limelight after a few years of Hollywood wilderness...
"I'd rather have a drink with him in his hotel room tonight than Bill Cosby."
Then, as Mel began to talk, Ricky couldn't resist a quick return to the stage to interrupt him with a quick question. NBC's bleeper man was on full alert, so most of the US audience were left wondering what he'd asked. The answer is...
"What the fuck does sugartits even mean?"
Of course, presumably as Ricky will have guessed, some of his lines on Caitlyn Jenner during his opening monologue haven't been positively received by some...
"Relax, I'm going to try and be nice. I've changed. Not as much as Bruce Jenner, obviously. Now Caitlyn Jenner, of course."
"What a year for Caitlyn Jenner.. Didn't do much for women drivers though."
Nor did actor Jeffrey Tambor raise a smile when Ricky turned to his role in 'Transparent'.
"Every day he has to put on all the women's clothes and the hair and makeup and let people film it. That takes balls. I don't know how he does it. I really don't. I've seen his balls — they're huge, and long. I don't know if he tucked them in the bra or does that thing where you push them out the back and let them hang out, like a bulldog — no one knows."
Finally, after a pretty triumphant night all told, Ricky signed off...
"From myself and Mel Gibson, Shalom."
