Oh we do love our toddlers, don’t we? They’re funny and sweet, and they’re learning about the world all the time. But do you ever wonder if they’re trying to send us slowly insane? They have some pretty genius methods if you ask us. I bet some of these sound familiar…
1
They're very fast. When they want to be.
Elizabethsalleebauer via Getty Images
"Come on QUICKLY please! We're really late.”
Child goes into slow motion mode. Or worse, bends double, hangs arms to floor, and goes into robot-which-has-lost-power mode.
Child goes into slow motion mode. Or worse, bends double, hangs arms to floor, and goes into robot-which-has-lost-power mode.
2
They have a lot of questions. When they remember them.
Elizabethsalleebauer via Getty Images
“Mummmy…?”
“Yes, darling?”
“…Mummmyyyy?
“Yes, darling what is it?”
“………Mummmmmmyyyy?”
“YES?! What do you want?!”
Child exits room.
“Yes, darling?”
“…Mummmyyyy?
“Yes, darling what is it?”
“………Mummmmmmyyyy?”
“YES?! What do you want?!”
Child exits room.
3
They have amazing attention spans.
Jamie Grill via Getty Images
“Mummy, PLAY HIDE SEEK! Pleeeeease!”
“Okay, you count, I'll hide.”
Ten minutes later, emerge from behind kitchen door to find child has forgotten all about hide and seek and is looking at a book.
“Okay, you count, I'll hide.”
Ten minutes later, emerge from behind kitchen door to find child has forgotten all about hide and seek and is looking at a book.
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4
They're good at finding things.
oneblessedmama via Getty Images
“Please go and get your shoes.”
Child returns five minutes later. With a place mat.
Child returns five minutes later. With a place mat.
5
They're always careful with your things.
Judith Wagner Fotografie via Getty Images
“Mummy, this your glasses?”
“Yes you know you're not supposed to touch…”
SNAP! ?#@*&%!!!
“Yes you know you're not supposed to touch…”
SNAP! ?#@*&%!!!
6
They know exactly what they want.
Westend61 via Getty Images
In the supermarket. “Mummmy? I need a weeeee.”
“But you had a wee before we came out.”
“Need a WEEEEEEEEE!”
Ten minutes later, shopping abandoned, supermarket traversed, cubicle awaited, trousers/pants removed, child balanced on toilet.
“So? Are you going to do a wee?”
“No.”
“But you had a wee before we came out.”
“Need a WEEEEEEEEE!”
Ten minutes later, shopping abandoned, supermarket traversed, cubicle awaited, trousers/pants removed, child balanced on toilet.
“So? Are you going to do a wee?”
“No.”
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7
They love eating broken biscuits.
christie.nelson
“Mummmy? Biscuit please?”
Hand over packet of biscuits with instruction to take just one. Child drops packet of biscuits twice.
“Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken…”
Hand over packet of biscuits with instruction to take just one. Child drops packet of biscuits twice.
“Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken. Not this one, iss broken…”
8
They have limitless energy.
Jill McAdoo Photography via Getty Images
“Swings, mummy! Swings, mummy! SWINGS, MUMMY!”
Concede child needs fresh air and exercise. Dress child appropriately. Attach child's coat. Attach child's wellies. Ensure child has a wee. Pack essential snacks and juice. Put on own coat and shoes… discover child asleep on sofa.
Concede child needs fresh air and exercise. Dress child appropriately. Attach child's coat. Attach child's wellies. Ensure child has a wee. Pack essential snacks and juice. Put on own coat and shoes… discover child asleep on sofa.
9
They never change their minds. Ever.
Paz Ruiz Luque
“Mummy? Make scramble egg?”
Spend 15 minutes helping child break eggs and stir them VERY slowly until partially mixed. Wipe egg off all kitchen surfaces. Spend 15 minutes helping child stir eggs in warm pan until eggs are massively overcooked.
“Right, time to eat your scrambled egg!”
“Want CocoPops.”
Spend 15 minutes helping child break eggs and stir them VERY slowly until partially mixed. Wipe egg off all kitchen surfaces. Spend 15 minutes helping child stir eggs in warm pan until eggs are massively overcooked.
“Right, time to eat your scrambled egg!”
“Want CocoPops.”
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10
They show you their love all the time.
Liam Norris via Getty Images
Exit lounge to go to the loo. Return to find entire room covered in flour. Recognise hysteria bubbling up through torso at sight of completely white child/sofa/carpet…
“I luff you, mummy!”
Deeeeep breath.
"I love you, too.”
“I luff you, mummy!”
Deeeeep breath.
"I love you, too.”