In the latest instalment of ‘Believable Things That Would Have Seemed Ridiculous In 2015’, the Daily Mail has helpfully reassured the country it is not calling for genocide.
In a leader column that threatens to put satirical writers across the country out of work, the paper launched a scathing attack on critics of Wednesday’s ‘CRUSH THE SABOTEURS’ front page.
It accused the Left of “throwing a fit of the vapours” before imploring “calm down, dears”.
The column goes onto sarcastically make clear that “neither the PM or this peace-loving paper proposes genocide”.
The controversial front page featuring Theresa May prompted a wave of criticism and was branded “chilling” and “bitter and twisted”.
May herself was quizzed about the tone of the Mail’s front page on BBC’s Radio 4 programme on Wednesday and said she “absolutely” did not agree with it.
“Absolutely not, politics and democracy are about, of course, people having different opinions, different views,” she said.
But the Mail hit back on Thursday, writing:
Like the mating dance of the warthog, a must-see ritual of the natural world is the British Left throwing a fit of the vapours over a headline in the Mail. The latest to provoke hysteria was our front-page summary of why Theresa May called for a snap election: ‘Crush the saboteurs.’
‘Nasty and divisive!’ tweeted Labour’s IRA, Hamas and Hezbollah-sympathising John McDonnell (look who’s talking!). ‘This kind of hate and aggression is the last thing the country needs,’ whimpered the ever-smug tax avoider Gary Lineker.
‘Fascist!’ said a Guardianista. ‘Stalinist!’ opined another, with some halfwit tweeting: ‘Stalin killed millions by labelling people saboteurs and enemies of the people. Literally the same words as the Mail. Chilling.’ Not for the first time, this paper advises: calm down, dears.
For the avoidance of doubt, neither the PM nor this peace-loving paper proposes genocide. All that Mrs May plans, with our support, is an election to establish her mandate for pressing on with Brexit (backed by 52 per cent) without further frustration from ‘game-playing’ Remoaners and an unelected second chamber.
In a speech on the steps of Downing Street on Tuesday morning, May said an election was needed to “secure the strong and stable leadership the country needs to see us through Brexit and beyond”.
She added: “We need a general election and we need one now.”
There was no mention of genocide.
The move was branded “an extraordinary U-turn” by Nicola Sturgeon, who said it was “a huge political miscalculation”.
An election had not been due until 2020 - and May said herself repeatedly that was when the next vote would be.