THE BLOG

My Dirty Parenting Confessions

04/03/2016 09:40 GMT | Updated 04/03/2017 10:12 GMT

My approach to parenting is pretty, shall we say, 'open' sometimes. I can pretend to be the perfect Mummy, but it's really quite exhausting. I'm more what you would call a 'go with the flow Mummy'. We're happy, we're sad, we're up, we're down. No two days are the same in this household!

Sometimes I feel like a good Mummy and that I'm doing everything right. In fact, I'm most definitely raising a well-rounded mini-gentleman-genius on these good days. But on the down days, I am clearly making a total arse of this whole parenting malark and should be locked up by the parenting police immediately.

But then there are the days in between...

The days where I have absolutely no idea whether what I am doing is good or bad, right or wrong! The contradictory advice can be baffling. The parenting police seem to be watching every which way I turn. Sometimes - the horror - I AM the parenting police, silently judging others.

Yep, parenting is damn tough, so to get things in the open I thought I'd share a few of my dirty parenting confessions with you...If you want to share your dirty confessions in return I'd love that. If you want to go all parenting police on me, meh, feel free to do that too. Nothing like a good spirited debate.

So, without further ado...

Confession #1 - My husband and I often watch Breaking Bad, The Walking Dead, and other similarly inappropriate programmes in front of our toddler son when he refuses to go to bed. We're likely warping his brain, oh god! Just CAN'T watch cartoons all night.

Confession #2 - He doesn't like fluffy soft toddler friendly toys. No, he likes cars and trucks, technically for 3+ year olds. Absolutely not appropriate for his age, but he adores them!

Confession #3 - I like Peppa Pig *OMG* and have been playing back to back episodes recently as my son sits and gives me cuddles. My thoughts are frequently formed to the theme tune "peeeppa pig" and I now affectionately refer to my husband as "Daddy Pig".

Confession #4 - We went to a baby dance and song class last week. Yerrr, we weren't so into it...

Confession #5 - On that note, I don't play any nursery rhyme music. I HATE IT. He is being raised on Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, Queen...and a bit of Abba.

Confession #6 - Sometimes I don't brush his teeth. It's too much of a fight at the end of the day!!!

Confession #7 - I bought him a potty. I still don't know if it is far too early or far too late to be training him. Please tell me, parenting police?!

Confession #8 - I let him try my iced caramel coffee Frappuccino at the weekend. HE LOVED IT! Oops, I guess...

Confession #9 - On that note, he also loves a good slurp of my sugary Yorkshire Tea brews too.

Confession #10 - He sleeps next to me. I don't know if he hates his cot more, or if I enjoy snuggles more. Either way, we're happy cosy co-sleepers. A bit of a no no in western society!

Confession #11 - I swear. Sometimes a lot. I need to stop as at 18 months my son is like a parrot repeating things. Something bad is going to come out...most likely in public...

Confession #12 - Sometimes I feed him to sleep if I want him to drop off quickly.

Confession #13 - Sometimes I let the cat babysit. I don't go out the house or anything...they just play in the next room while I do something like prepare dinner. He is a good babysitter.

Confession #14 - Sometimes we share ice cream...

Confession #15 - Sometimes I pretend to walk away in a public place in order to get him to follow.

Confession #16 - I've never let him cry it out. I couldn't. I hate it when he cries.

Confession #17 - I sometimes forget to take essentials such as water bottles, nappies, and snacks on our trips out.

Confession #18 - The smartphone is sometimes used as entertainment while out and about. Sometimes frequently.

Confession #19 - I once didn't catch him off the end of a slide and he face-planted in the sand. And I mean the sand literally had an implant of his face, dear god!

Confession #20 - Sometimes I accidentally wake my sleeping bear cub by kissing his face lots and lots and lots.

Confession #21 - Sometimes I can't be bothered with the getting-dressed fight, so let him run like a feral naked child (usually nappied, because, my rug).

Confession #22 - He comes in the shower with me. Not even sure if this is good or bad.

Confession #23 - I don't give him enough fruit. He doesn't like it. I don't like it. We'd both prefer to gnaw on a stalk of broccoli.

Confession #24 - He LOVES chocolate. I've made a chocolate monster. I don't know what is worse - giving it to him, or hiding it from him when I am eating it...

Confession #25 - I once forgot to buckle his car seat straps. It was in the early knackered newborn days. I felt truly truly dreadful. First and last time that ever happened!!!

Confession #26 - I bought matching Mummy & son shoes. Mummy & daughter shoes, yes, totally acceptable, but Mummy and son? I am most definitely an embarrassing mother in the making...but do I care? Not really, mwahaha.

Confession #27 - What was meant to be my son's bedroom is now my office / husband's Lego building room (his new obsession, I hope it's a phase...) I don't want to put him in a room by himself when I can have so many snuggles!

Confession #28 - I once melted calpol with chocolate to get him to take it when he was sick. He doesn't like the taste of it, strange child...

Confession #29 - I LOVE soft play! I think this is some kind of 'code of motherhood' violation, correct? Definitely not Mum-cool to enjoy soft play...

Confession #30 - He's fallen off the bed three times. Tends to bounce.

Confession #31 - Given the option that he have three separate jabs on three separate days, or all three at once, I choose all three at once. He's a solid boy, could totally take it. Cruel to be kind?

Confession #32 - I can't spell his full name. How awful is that!! One of his middle names is very long and very Polish, ok! But all the same, c'mon Mummy!I

Confession #33 - I am not sure how to entertain a toddler all day. This is usually when the cat takes over to babysit...

Confession #34 - Sometimes I look through his baby book and miss the baby that he was...

Confession #35 - Sometimes it's really hard to use my gentle parenting voice when he's trying to stick the nib of a phone charger down a plug socket!

Confession #36 - I can no longer bear my nipples being touched. It infuriates me. I want to wean, but he won't let me!

Confession #37 - I can't handle supermarket shops alone with my son. He is like a caged animal set free! The cages on wheels (aka trolleys) can't contain him either...

Confession #38 - Sometimes when I am getting ready in the morning, he likes to try and apply my make-up to himself. I think it's so funny and cute!

Confession #39 - I only ever read one parenting book. Probably explains a lot, right?

Confession #40 - Despite all of the above, I think I am doing pretty ok as a Mummy.

For more from Abbey, visit her blog The Son And The Moon, and follow The Son And The Moon on Facebook for daily updates from life in the sandpit (aka Dubai)!