THE BLOG

Social Media Is Not Your Friend in Divorce

14/04/2016 17:15

There is no question that it is hard when your marriage/relationship is over - particularly if it has ended with deceit and lies.

You are so desperately angry but often don't have the opportunity to tell them what you really think.

So what better way to get revenge and re-assert your power than to type a status, and post it on Facebook?

Or how about posting a status full of anger whilst mentally sticking your middle finger up> Cringing later because it all came off a bit psycho and kind of feeds into what your ex has been saying about you?

Our obsession with social media popularity and connecting with people online has changed the way we relate to each other, with people defining their sense of worth by the number of friends and followers they have. This medium that we are using to connect and relate to people is also starting to work against us.

Latest studies are confirming that social media is now being listed as one of the highest causes of divorce and how people are using social media to cope with marital breakdowns can also work against you.

1. Plastering all your wares on Facebook is your ex's solicitors' dream. You might want to claim in your divorce that you need 60% settlement because you don't earn a lot but every Friday and Saturday you are posting pictures all over the internet saying 'Look what a good time I am having.' Let's say a night out is going to cost £50-£80 and you are going out every Saturday. This equates to £200- £320 of disposable income. It's not going to do your argument any good in the divorce settlement and you are just handing over all the evidence that your ex needs to contest your claims.

2. The numbers of Likes, Shares and Follows does not represent your value - Post a 'middle-finger' status and of course your friends and the local gossips will 'like it.' You might get a barrage of 'Chin up,' 'Well said', 'what's happened? PM me' but none of it in the long term will really make a difference. You are just putting a plaster over a wound. They will eventually get bored of your statuses when some new gossip appears. Seriously save the angry rants, the cryptic quotes and deal with your emotions privately. The more statuses that are directed at your ex, the longer you are prolonging the emotional attachment. Cry in private, scream into your pillow, stay at home for 3 days if you have to, but publicly have some dignity.

3. Facebook friends are not your real friends and Twitter followers are not your disciples -Think about who your online friends really are. Without social media, would you trust them with your most personal business? You'll have some 'double agent friends' who just love to be the 'go between.' They will be watching your every status, viewing all photos you are tagged in and passing information back and forwards. All of this will create further tensions between you and your ex, ultimately prolonging the divorce and costing you both more money. If you really want to move on, then how about unfollow and unfriend all the mutual friends? If they were true friends, you would have their number anyway. What about a break from social media full stop? Seriously there is more to life than statuses and tweets.

4. No information = No power - If you are not posting anything then there is nothing for people to speculate on, try and interpret, or use as gossip. There will be less fuel to the fire and the process of divorce will happen smoother and quicker. If there are children involved, being private will protect them from having their personal circumstances being made available to the local bullies.

5. There will be a time in your future when you will be over this relationship. - You may notice now that these joyous reminder apps pop up and tell you what you posted one year ago, two years ago and five years ago. Just imagine five years down the line and having to be reminded of the relationship that you are no longer bothered about. Not the best way to start your day.

Divorcing may not be an option for you, but how you handle it is. Being private is the most dignified way you can get through this. It's not about going it alone - your true friends and family will be there to support you. Other support is available through counselling and coaching services. The longer you focus on writing statuses about your ex, Facebook stalking your ex and trying to claim you are over your ex, the longer it will take to actually get over them. Anything you post online come back to haunt you one day. A few rants in the living room over a bottle of wine with your bestie will long be forgotten.

Give yourself a break - preferably a social media one.

For more information on Divorcing with Dignity visit www.northhousecoaching.com

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