Oh, hello cinema. What's that you got behind your back attached to that very massive marketing campaign? Come on, let us see. What's this? Another Superman film? Another film to explain how a character that's been talked about our whole lives came about? But cinema, surely now we understand it....

Run for hills I tell you! There's a yellow orb in the sky! What on Earth.....?! Its emergence spells only doom. The end is nigh! Those weirdo religious freaks were right! It's here! It's here! A big ball of yellow sent straight from hell. There, look at it. In the...

So, here it is again. Valentine's Day. The day of alleged love. The day when single people self-harm and lovers spread magical love juice around the world. The day my friends and their other halves collectively let out cold-ridden sighs at the mention of the date. The day you see...

So yes, I reached that age when it seems everyone I meet is having or just had a baby. I have to say it's quite worrying. It feels like something out of a Stephen King novel.

Truth is, for me, it's never happened (that I'm aware of). I'm not...

Summer is over. My big brown winter coat twinkles at me. But, I ignore his advances. As I explain to him, Jack Frost isn't exactly banging on my windows shouting obscenities. I have not yet walked outside and quivered the words "Cor blimey guvnor". No doubt I will, but not...

As I sat on Blackheath watching the closing ceremony, I embraced the collective groan as God's gift to music - Jessie J - took to the giant screen, before a sniff of sadness hit me. Not just because the organisers had let the some big-faced shouty person and...

It's been two or three weeks since The Apprentice finished and I'm not afraid to admit, I'm becoming a little twitchy. People who know me know I don't watch a lot of television, but my one little ray of addictive hope comes in the form of a suit-wearing...

It's hard to imagine a time without Facebook, but believe me, it existed - I was there. It was a time when everyone strived to have smaller mobile phones and Saddam Hussein was still hiding in a bunker clutching a bag of Funsize Mars Bars and a copy of Nuts...

"Does it itch?"
"How about when it gets longer?"
"Does it irritate your girlfriend?"
"Do you get food stuck in it?"; are most of the questions I get asked by friends and strangers alike. They are of course referring to my beard - Not...