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Alice Grist

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Gay Adoption Is Not Abusive But Mr McKenzie of UKIP Your Beliefs Are

Posted: 29/11/2012 00:00

The only inherent abuse occurring to children of a gay partnership is that which is ladled upon them by an intolerant society. Mr McKenzie from UKIP states that, 'To say to a child, "I am having you adopted by two men who kiss regularly but don't worry about it" - that is abuse.' This revelatory statement belies little other than Mr McKenzies own ill-founded and corrupted viewpoints. He clearly finds same sex kissing to be an abomination, and sufficient to warp a child's tiny little mind. Though of course his comments come heaped with centuries worth of stigma and prejudice.

Since when was kissing in front of a child abusive? It's not the kissing that is the problem I suppose. It is who is doing it. Herein lies the true abuse. Because it is jaded, old fashioned, intolerant opinions like this that lead young children to experience real difficulty in their upbringings.

I wrote on here recently about my upbringing with both heterosexual parentage and then later, homosexual parentage. The only abuse I ever experienced was at the hands of small-minded detractors who didn't like what they saw. The loving experiences I had at the hands of my parents were healthy and happy. Sometimes my mum kissed my other mum, and guess what, I'm okay, no therapy needed. My parents provided a stable base to my life and as a result I'm a stable kinda lass. I know plenty of less stable folks who came from heterosexual relationships who probably wish their parents kissed a little bit more!

We live in a society replete with divorce and as such any extra bit of kissing may well do some to enhance a child's experience of life and of caring, trusting relationships. Kissing in front of a child does not amount to abuse. That abuse is only visible if you are wearing the blinkered shades of fear, hatred and prejudice.

Mr McKenzie goes onto state that some gay parents encourage the children to be gay themselves. Well I kinda doubt he has any facts to back that statement up. In my experience, that was most certainly not the case. I think most gay people are all too aware of the nature versus nurture debate. They wrangled probably most of their youths trying to figure out if they could change their sexuality for fear of people like MrMcKenzie judging them. They no doubt settled on the fact that they were gay, no matter what, they were born that way. So why they would waste their precious parenting time trying to indoctrinate a child into changing their gender based love leanings I do not know. Because they wouldn't, I do not believe brainwashing is a proven facet of homosexuality.

Parents who adopt do so out of love and following what some may argue is an excessive adoption process to check them out to be good, decent people. Mr McKenzie's views are of course narrow-minded and almost not even worthy of reproach. But as a child of a gay partnership I have to say something. I have to speak out. Because it is opinions such as his that cause children to suffer. It is opinions like his that fuel the schoolyard bullying. It is opinions like his that cause people to look on in disgust as the gay couple pass by with the innocent love of their lives, their little child, bundled in their arms. It is opinions like his that cause a child living in a homosexual relationship to question their own parents, and to feel disavowed by society, albeit loved at home. It is opinions like his that are the root and true cause of abuse.

 
 
 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
asrobs
80 years experience
13:47 on 18/12/2012
Alice you are nieve and probably catholic so you approve of priests and their behavour, it is better that a child is not passed to any one other than a normal couple for the childs sake are you not on the side of the children because you can never be 100% sure.
04:33 on 05/12/2012
Alice makes a number of excellent points in this blog. Love is love. We need more love in the world in general and many families would be happier and healthier with visible expression of love between parents, no matter who or what they are.
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13:06 on 30/11/2012
Statement from David Coburn, Chairman UKIP London:

"Mr McKenzie absolutely does not speak for UKIP on the issues of gay marriage and gay adoption. UKIP's stance on gay marriage is simple: we entirely, wholeheartedly support equal rights for couples regardless of their sexuality and we believe this has been achieved through the introduction of Civil Partnerships, which UKIP supported."

"The difficulty regarding the same sex marriage debate is that there is no guarantee that religious institutions will not be forced, via appeals made to the EU's Strasbourg court, appeals that certain SSM supporting groups have already suggested, to perform ceremonies that they themselves do not agree with. We see this as an act of intolerance in itself and for this reason alone we do not support same sex marriage.

"UKIP is a libertarian party, we are categorically not
against gay adoption; what we do have a problem with is that Catholic adoption agencies have been banned for opposing gay adoption. The only thing that matters is that the children receive a safe and loving home."
14:06 on 30/11/2012
The EU doesn't even have a court in Strasbourg (the EU courts are in Luxembourg - the European Court of Human Rights, which has nothing to do with the EU, is the one in Strasbourg). It is impossible to take a church (or any other non-governmental organisation) to the ECtHR, and there is nothing in EU law that could require churches to perform same-sex marriages. There are several members of the EU and the Council of Europe that have had same-sex marriage for many years, and nobody has forced churches to marry same-sex couples against their will in those countries. You would think that UKIP would have at least some understanding of the institution they exist to oppose.

If the only thing that matters is that children receive a safe and loving home, then surely it is a problem to have private adoption agencies refusing to send children to safe and loving homes purely because of their personal political beliefs.
16:57 on 30/11/2012
It would be the ECHR which all EU nations sign up to, but many adhere to despite not being in the EU, the EU and ECHR are not actually linked as that statement implies.
As to his arguments, the ECHR actual prohibits forcing any religion to do anything against is tennents, so forcing gay marriage would not be possible because the ECHR would protect the church.
Furthermore gay marriage is not the same as civil partnerships, there are several legal differences, including for example the right to succeed a tenancy, and many opeople do not consider them the same, just look for the case involving the B&B where they stated that a civil partnership was not the same as marriage.
10:15 on 30/11/2012
The best place for a child to be brought up is in a home with a mother and father.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Thismortalcoil
Science is the poetry of reality
10:42 on 30/11/2012
The best place for a child to be brought up is with loving parents. Their gender is far less important than their ability to care.
21:54 on 18/12/2012
Their gender is very important. Who of the two male carers will breast feed a baby?
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11:10 on 30/11/2012
If that parenting group are abusive, alcoholics, drug addicts, violent or simply no longer there because they've died you would condemn a child to a live in an orphanage(are they still called that these days?) rather than a secure loving home where they could be nurtured simply because the couple are gay?
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Reith
what's a micro-bio?
09:59 on 30/11/2012
Ms Grist,

Your comments are well noted but I don't think you can point to heterosexual divorce alone destroying young lives, this seems to happen among gays too. I remember these civil partnerships getting off the ground. A few days after, a female couple were dissolved. Then there was the case of another female couple one of whom had IVF. They broke up and the male who provided the sperm was stung by the CSA for maintenance. It's entirely coincidence that they're female. I dare say similar happened to males.

We should be allowed our beliefs without being called bigots or progressives. Some people sincerely believe that what otherwise shd be a viable family unit - a male and female who somehow lack the biological means to reproduce, are the way forward, others don't.

It will always be a contentious issue. The problem is that the word bigot is now thrown at anyone who doesn't happen to agree to the beliefs and practices of any minority group. And the problem with that is that it slams the door on debate.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Thismortalcoil
Science is the poetry of reality
10:45 on 30/11/2012
It wont always be a contentious issue.

The younger generations are considerably more interested in equality and less interested in homophobia. In a few decades this particular form of prejudice will be all but forgotten, just as prejudices such as being opposed to mixed race marriages are now extremely rare in the UK.
14:12 on 30/11/2012
Do you have any idea how many insulting slurs are regularly thrown at LGBT people just for existing? Surely the people who are going out of their way to try and stop us having the same rights and opportunities that they have can cope with just one.
19:04 on 29/11/2012
No matter how it is dressed up, God made man and he made woman and he intended them to be a partnership. He did not intend men to marry men, nor women to marry women. A child needs a balanced life and that ideally should be with one man and one woman. No matter how modern living has managed to accept the alternative, it still is far from ideal. What men and women choose as they are adult is fine but "different" views should not ideally be imposed on a young mind. To me, the child is the most important here - adults are free to choose what they do and with whom they do it.
21:05 on 29/11/2012
Cool story, bro

Now do you have any arguments that aren't based on make-believe entities from the Middle East?
21:55 on 29/11/2012
Science! In evolution, men and women are required to produce offspring. According to evolutionary science, what is the point of being gay/lesbian?

This fact has nothing to do with gay rights. Gay/lesbian people are entitled to the same rights and respect as the rest of us, as individuals! But homosexuality being a waste of time is something religion and science (and common sense) all agree on.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Rob Ferris
22:00 on 29/11/2012
I totally agree, society today has gone way off the lord's plan for marriage.

I mean, we can't even take prisoners of war as wives any more. And don't even get me started on the whole "slavery" business. What's the world coming to?
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12:35 on 30/11/2012
What has marriage got to do with a cricket ground anyway?
18:43 on 29/11/2012
What an intolerant article.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Rob Ferris
22:02 on 29/11/2012
I know right? How dare she be so intolerant of blantant ignorance and bigotry.
23:18 on 29/11/2012
What exactly is intolerant about it?
17:50 on 29/11/2012
Please support BNP & UKIP.
21:05 on 29/11/2012
Why?

Britain fought hard against Nazism.
22:21 on 29/11/2012
And your point? Surely you are not comparing "Nazism" to the policies of these parties?
23:19 on 29/11/2012
Begging will get you nowhere.
16:34 on 29/11/2012
There is good and bad in all society, bringing a child up in a loving home is more important.
16:27 on 29/11/2012
What a wonderfully crafted article. It could have been a fairy tale, extolling the wonderful gay world where everything in the garden is rosy, complete with the odd little negative comment about the nasty hetrosexuals, who divorce and make like miserable for their children. Not one mention of rows, tantrums and splits between the wonderful race of rainbow people.
17:04 on 29/11/2012
Could you point to the part of the article which is "extolling the wonderful gay world where everything in the garden is rosy"? I'm struggling to identify anything that she wrote that could even remotely be considered as attempting to compare heterosexual and homosexual relationships in that respect. As a result, I'm wondering why you felt the need to write what comes across as a rather spiteful little comment.
21:58 on 29/11/2012
This occurs throughout the media. I read an article just prior to the US election in which a woman lambasted Mitt Romney for promoting 'family values'. She went on to rant about how she was abused by her father. Because of that experience, she thought she could demonize all families. I wonder how many teenage girls read nonsense like that and have their whole view of men and family life skewed out of all proportion.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Sue Harvey
06:27 on 30/11/2012
Teenage girls will not have their view of men and family skewed by others experience. That can only be done from within her home environment.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Sven Storm
Edit your micro-biology.
14:01 on 29/11/2012
His name is Winston. Winston McKenzie. He re-tweeted a post by the BNP. That's dumb for you. Pushing religious homophobia in Croydon.
03:11 on 30/11/2012
Yeah, that's islams job.
13:53 on 29/11/2012
So if my morals are different from yours, I am a bigot?
Enough said.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
battleofalma
14:17 on 29/11/2012
No, but being a homophobe would put you in that camp.
22:00 on 29/11/2012
'homophobe' would imply someone who has an irrational fear of gays. Mr McKenzie has explained why he disagrees with gay adoption. That is not homophobic, you may disagree with him and he may be wrong, but he is not displaying an irrational fear.
15:09 on 29/11/2012
No, but if your "morals" have no basis in anything quantifiable and impose upon the lives and rights of others through their exercise when there is nothing to demonstrate how that imposition is of any benefit, then yes, you are a bigot.
11:06 on 29/11/2012
My wife and I used kiss in front of our daughters. Result? Two well adjusted adults. It's not really rocket science that loving parents who care for their children eventually produce well adjusted adults.
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mmartini54
Roll on 2015!
13:25 on 29/11/2012
If ever my wife and I had a quick smackerooni in front of the kids (after they had reached 11 or 12)the reaction was always "ugh you two - get a room!" And I'm sure the kids of same sex couples have exactly the same reaction. Normal, that is.
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