Tamara Ecclestone the glamorous eldest daughter of Formula 1 boss Bernie Ecclestone has been in the media spotlight recently with the focus firmly on her love life. Her former boyfriend from her teenage years was convicted and jailed for attempted blackmail. I remember Derek Rose then Jonathan Ketterman from over a decade ago when I worked for Schillings. After the acrimonious end of their relationship, her charming former flame sold his story to a newspaper. On her behalf Schillings lodged a privacy complaint to the PCC which was upheld. But it appears Ketterman harboured a grudge against his former love which over a decade later manifested into the bumbling attempted blackmail plot for which he has been rightfully jailed.
Most of us experience some type of heartbreak with our first loves but few of us have it aired so publicly. But as someone in the public eye and with the kind of drama that easily fills column inches Tamara's love life has been the subject of intense scrutiny and indeed criticism from some quarters. The general consensus has been that she has had a volatile love life than most as a result of her choices in whom she chooses to bestow her affections upon. How easy it is to forget that despite seemingly 'having it all' - wealth, fame, looks - like most ordinary people she is seeking the one thing that can't be guaranteed or bought - genuine love.
Most of us would probably agree that there are many detours, dead ends and painful bumps along the path to true love. But on Tamara's quest to find it she appears to have stumbled upon more than one rotten egg. Who can forget Omar Khyami her last boyfriend whom she discovered had made a sex tape with another individual, the contents of which she said were so shocking they 'devastated her beyond belief'. The inference being that despite a two and a half year relationship where they rarely spent even a couple of days apart she really didn't know this individual at all.
It is fair to say that the warning bells should have rang earlier on in their relationship when it transpired that he was less stockbroker and more ex-convict who sold stolen goods. Yet in spite of this discovery she continued her relationship with him lavishing him with gifts and no doubt funding a lifestyle that he had become very much accustomed to. Sadly money and fame are aphrodisiacs for less than genuine suitors and one would think given her previous experiences she may be a little more cautious with her heart.
But in the same week as a high profile court case against her first love, Miss Ecclestone announced she is soon to become a Mrs. With a man she has apparently been dating for just over a month. Another 'stockbroker' who it turns out was actually banned by the FSA last year for trading 'without honesty and integrity'. Alarm bells and red flags? It doesn't appear so. A source close to her says she believes in second chances and Tamara herself simply says, "When you know, you know, when you find true love, why wait?".
Whilst I admire her for not appearing to be jaded in the way that many others who have had her experiences may be, I cannot help but feel that her desire (and dare I say rush) for the happy ever after ending has created a blind spot that may lead to even more heartbreak and potentially more legal (and financial) woes.
Very few people fall in love and live happily ever after with the first person they date. Nearly all of us experience heartbreak, make mistakes (and suffer from other people's mistakes) with not only our first love but with many of our loves. That's what makes us learn, grow and hopefully assists in meeting the right person and the right relationship. But the truth is that too many of us confuse falling in love (or often lust) with really loving another person and the real kind of love that has endurance (beyond the honeymoon stage in the bedroom type endurance).
Falling 'in love' can happen quickly, the dopamine and oxytocin takes over and we often fall in love with our rose tinted perception of the person before us. Or we fall in love with the idea of the relationship. More often than not we can be not only emotionally attached but also financially and legally entangled before we actually know who it is we have committed to, in more ways than one. Then when confronted with the real person and relationship (as opposed to the rose tinted version) the bubble bursts and sometimes beyond the broken heart there is collateral damage in the form of financial and legal matters.
As a life coach and lawyer I have had to counsel many people on both the emotional, legal and financial fall-outs from relationships gone sour. What I have noticed often ends up being the most painful for my clients is when they feel that irrespective of their partner's behaviour, ultimately the heartbreak and ensuing chaos is down to their own lack of foresight. Hindsight cannot rewrite the past but it can be learnt from and transformed into valuable foresight. Heartbreak is an inevitable part of the journey of love but when it becomes a repeated event we have to look within to find where things are going wrong. We are responsible for our own hearts and can never lay all the blame at another's feet.
As for Miss Ecclestone? Well, we have all heard the quotes 'fools rush in' - 'marry in haste, repent at leisure'. Some may say these are cliches and of course there are exceptions. Let's hope Tamara Ecclestone is one of these and proves all naysayers wrong but let's equally hope that those around her can advise caution, and if not slow her heart down then at least protect her financially and legally. And may we all have the merit to transform hindsight into foresight and traverse the path to true love.