THE BLOG

Letting Go of Hurt Feelings

13/10/2014 13:35 BST | Updated 10/12/2014 10:59 GMT

The A-Z Challenge: H is for Hurt. Shift negative to positive alphabetically.

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At some time or another we've all experienced our share of emotional hurt. And often when we're hurt, we dump our feelings on others or speak harshly. But this doesn't always work. Getting stuck with the hurt and moping around feeling sorry for ourselves also doesn't work. Suppressing hurt also doesn't work. Why?

When we hold on to the hurt, not only are we retaining the negativity but we're also causing ourselves unnecessary pain. How? Well, past hurts linger because we continue to relive them. As we replay the scenes and recall the hurt, we're triggering all the associated feelings and recreating our feelings of hurt. At this point, it's not what the other person said or did that's causing the hurt; it's YOU that's hurting YOU!

If you're still thinking about that comment someone made three days ago or three years ago, be kind and stop hurting yourself. How? What works is letting go. Letting go does not mean minimising or excusing what happened. It means accepting responsibility for how you feel. Accept how you feel and then decide if the feeling serves you any purpose. If it doesn't, then don't re-live it, don't question it, just let it go.


If you're not good at letting go, then here's a simple method: Write down the issues on different pieces of paper. Be honest, and write exactly how you feel. Write a sentence, a paragraph, or even pages. Don't worry about grammar or editing your words. Simply write. Then read them, crumple them up and as you throw each one away, choose to let it go. What also works is talking to someone, but find someone you trust. Be wise and find constructive ways to let go.

Now you're free to see the choices before you. You can either resolve your deeper issues and move on or do something about what happened and then move on. If this means communicating and clearing things up with the 'one' who hurt you, then it's worth doing so. But before you communicate, you may want to take time to reflect on the value of the relationship, or try and extend yourself to see things from the other person's perspective. Then write a note, an e-mail, a text, or simply pick up the phone to chat and start mending the relationship. Just remember not to hurt the other person; try and be sensitive and careful with their emotions.

It's important to note that everybody handles hurt in different ways, so if you need time to let go, give yourself a break. Be patient and give yourself time and space.

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