Can men and women ever be just friends?
I wondered this out loud on Saturday night as I was sitting down to dinner with a girlfriend.
"No" she told me, matter of factly.
"No?" I asked. I was a little crushed.
I love men as friends. In fact, sometimes I prefer their company over women's. They generally think from a logical place rather than an emotional one, and they are often the voice of reason.
"Well, no, sometimes it can happen, but usually the men live in hope. Men just want to have sex." My friend responded.
I sighed heavily.
Is that really true?
Well, the other day, that girlfriend and I ran into some friend of hers who asked me out. I politely declined his invitation.
Later that week he ran into my friend.
"Why won't your friend Amy go out with me?" He asked her.
"Because she's not interested. She's recently separated from her husband, and she's not interested."
"I don't want anything serious" he told her.
Now, as I stated in my 15 Things article (ugh, I shudder every time I think of the incorrect title of that article and the shit I received over it - the barrage of abusive tweets that ensued after the publication of that article make me cringe), I'm very old fashioned.
Why I would agree to going out with a man (a REALLY sleazy one too might I add) who "doesn't want anything serious", made me wonder - do men just want to have sex?
Or are they able to have sex as means of a physical release without getting any emotions involved?
I wouldn't have a clue to be perfectly honest.
She then went on to tell me that she has a guy friend, whose wife is feeling frumpy and unattractive after the birth of their children. And as a result, she no longer wants to have sex.
It's been 3 months.
The husband, has said that if he doesn't have sex soon, he's going to have to cheat.
Now this isn't the case for all men obviously, and I'm only using one example, however I am also going to reference a quote that someone shared on Facebook the other day.
It read:
"How to keep a man happy - keep his stomach full, and his balls empty."
Now some may argue that this is a simple task. Feed them, and fuck them.
But does that statement mean that unless you are keeping them from going hungry in every sense of the word, that they are just going to go get it from somewhere else?
One would hope not.
I spoke to a man once who said, "if I'm not getting steak at home, I'm going out for a hamburger" - referring to the fact that if his wife isn't going to put out, he'll just get it elsewhere.
Now I know this sentiment may not be echoed by a lot of men. Not all men are unfaithful. But they are governed by their penis a lot of the time. I've often heard men say that it "has a mind of it's own".
But sex is pretty important to a guy.
In fact, just yesterday I picked up the book "Act like a lady, think like a man".
The top reason why men cheat?
Because they can.
In my limited experience with men, a lot of men are ego driven. They want someone who will make them feel good about themselves.
And most men LOVE sex. So is it a case of just not being able to help it?
So back to my initial question of whether or not men and woman can ever be "just friends".
Well, apparently it goes like this.
If the woman is attracted to the man, but the sentiment is not returned, then it's usually safe to say that the relationship will remain platonic.
However, if the man is attracted to the woman (regardless of whether or not she is attracted to him), then we all know how much men enjoy the thrill of the chase, and their love of a challenge. They also are pretty good at saying all the right things too, so this is where it has the potential to become somewhat of a grey area. Where the lines may become blurred.
I guess it always comes down to that whole boundary thing, and putting those boundaries in place.
Let people know where you stand, what you're comfortable with, and I think a male / female friendship should be fine.
I actually have a bunch of straight male friends, who are just that - friends, and would never dream of crossing that line.
But I guess in some instances with other people, that may not always be the case.
So, I guess in order to not blur those lines, you just have to set those boundaries from the start, and use your intuition to feel out if there is anything else there simmering below the surface.
Because as a woman, I don't think there's anything better than having a man in your life as a friend, and it would be a shame to think that they are only there "in hope" of the potential of it turning into something more.