THE BLOG

Soulmates

18/09/2013 12:59 BST | Updated 17/11/2013 10:12 GMT

I was talking on the phone the other day to a friend.

She went through a particularly difficult marriage separation a few years ago. To me she is a very strong woman. Probably one of the strongest women I know.

Flooded with emotion as she is currently suffering from the effects of PMS, she phoned me in tears. She's feeling a bit lonely at the moment. And any negative feelings you experience whilst hormonal are on crack during this period. Pun intended.

Being an outsider, it's always easy to give advice. I actually give great, logical, sound advice. Pity we often can't do the same for ourselves.

When you are outside of a situation, it's always so much easier to give advice. And not just any advice. True, helpful, insightful advice. At times your emotions in relation to your situation are all consuming, and you cannot think straight. You are confused, indecisive, doubting yourself. It's a terrible place to be.

However if you are not in the situation, you are invariably viewing it from a distance. You have no emotional ties to it. That's why it's so easy to give advice. And this is where clarity is important. Maintaining distance provides clarity. After all, how much more are you able to see when you are further away?

Back to my friend.

She doesn't want to remain single. It's been three years, and she keeps on looking back on her life, wishing she did so many things differently. And wishing she was younger.

It's hard to see her like that. So upset. So full of despair. I want to be able to fix it for her. I want her to be happy. Nobody likes to see others hurting. She deserves something beautiful. We all do.

It's also important to never abandon our friends in their darkest hours. We all need support. The best gift you can give is to be someone's rock. It is a kindness that is unparalleled.

The idea that we find happiness in others is a tough one. Ultimately we should be happy and complete on our own, but it does get very, very lonely at times.

I guess the hardest thing to try to remember is that when others reject us, that we don't also reject ourselves.

You know that there is a legend, that when we were created, our souls were split into two, and we were to spend our days searching for our other half so that we can once again become whole. The search for our "soulmate".

I'm a hopeless romantic and I am positively in love with this concept, but does that mean we can't be complete until we find that elusive soulmate?

Because we are all like a mirror, reflecting our innermost states, I think the first step is to find ourselves rather than seeking out another to make us feel whole. It is only then in that state of wholeness will we be able to attract the best possible person into our lives.

Continually strive to be the best possible version of yourself and destinys hand will guide you towards the right person to come into your life, at precisely the right moment.

And allow yourself space. Distance. Only then will you have the clarity to be able to see things for how they truly are.