Wasting our life on pop culture blogs and gossip sites, so you don't have to.
This week, the UK population reacted as if we had been collectively slapped by a wet fish when we saw the headlines proclaiming that Take That backing singer Jason Orange was dating comedian Catherine Tate. Still got a look of disbelief on that pretty face of yours? Then check out photos of Jase lurking in the background of Cat's snaps on the Daily Mail website, although be warned that this brings you perilously close to some grim shots of Gaddafi, so watch your fingersteps.
Anyway! Back to the important things! Why are we so obsessed with this coupling? Is it because we haven't given up our teenage crush on L'Orange? Nope! Everyone fancies Gary now. No, it's because - whilst we can just about cope with mixed-race - mixed-genre relationships shock the hell out of us.
The status quo is this: Boyband members marry - and then cheat on - models. Female comedians marry BBC4 producers, or artistic directors at theatres. We like to keep the good-looking faces of the "tart arts" (this means: dancers, models, TV presenters, musicians who get airtime on Radio 1) distinct from the brainboxes behind the "smart arts" (this means: comedians, authors, artists, musicians who get airtime on 6Music). (In case you're wondering, actors can slip between the two depending on what role they're currently playing. We're bigoted, but easily fooled!)
This is the way it's always been in Britain, and we'd like it to stay that way, thank you very much. Although it's not quite this simple, is it? We aren't particularly surprised when a male comedian hooks up with a model, as with Vic Reeves and Nancy Sorrell or David Walliams and Lara Stone, to name just two.
So my cheery message to you on this fine Friday is this: we aren't merely culture snobs, we're also still a little bit sexist. Have a great day!
Maroon 5 vs. Fox News
To really enjoy a public bitchfest, you have to not give two hoots about either party. So we're absolutely loving the beef between Adam Levine of Maroon 5 and Murdoch-owned propaganda peddlers Fox "News". As Us magazine reports, Adam Levine issued Fox "News" with the following angry Tweet: "Dear Fox News, don't play our music on your evil [f---ing] channel ever again. Thank you."
A noble stance, you might think. If you liked Maroon 5. But we don't, really, so we enjoyed the responses of Fox "News" anchormen such as Andy Levy, who tweeted "Dear @AdamLevine, don't make crappy [f---ing] music ever again. Thank you." and Greg Gutfield, who tweeted "Why did Maroon 5 cross the road? Because crappy music is legal there!"
Hey you guys! Amy Childs can't tell her left foot from her right foot!
If you enjoyed the juvenile humour in the previous item, you'll also appreciate the Daily Mail's unfettered glee at discovering ex-TOWIE hottie Amy Childs properly put her boots on the wrong feet.