Wasting our life on pop culture blogs and gossip sites, so you don't have to.
Watergate? Whatevs. Made-up weapons of mass destruction? Meh. If you believe the gossip mags, nothing has shaken America to the core like the recent news that the Kardashian family's version of reality isn't particularly real. For years the Kardashian Klan has nailed the genre of reality TV, blending their luxurious, aspirational lifestyles with the relateability of a "normal" family. But Kim's 72-day marriage might just be the moment reality TV jumped the shark.
Okay, so we always knew that there's real reality, like our own lives, and TV reality, where everyone has blowdried hair and personal crises and triumphs are packaged into neat 30-minute parcels of drama. But viewers are hopeless romantics, and nothing turns us off a gal like a sham marriage.
As Jessica Wakeman, a writer for TheFrisky.com, told TheWrap, "People still want to believe that there's still some sanctity to marriage. Viewers can deal with the wedding being over the top, but to do that and get divorced 72 days later, that is hard to swallow in this economy. When people are struggling to pay bills and rent, it doesn't make average people feel much compassion."
And the backlash has been robust. In Touch magazine shrieks "AMERICA'S FAKEST FAMILY! DESTROYED BY GREED", adding "Kim's sham wedding was just the start! Inside their dirty money secrets: stealing ideas, a sketchy "church" and even a Ponzi scheme scandal!"
Life & Style's front page splash is a tad more measured, murmuring, "Kim's Plan Backfires", and quoting "source" types who reveal, "She's depressed. She's eating whatever she wants and crying in bed. It's awful."
Wait a minute! She's eating what she wants? Christ, we had no idea she'd sunk so low. Stage an intervention or something, quick.
Interestingly, Star magazine disputes Life & Style's version of events. Don't worry, Kim's still having a shit time: their front page blares "REHAB FOR KIM!" but their "source" insists that Kim is
As every magazine editor knows, if you combine a life crisis - and they don't come much better than a sham divorce coupled with the potential ruin of your media empire - with potential weight loss or weight gain, you've got headline GOLD.
The Daily Mail, Fremeny To The Stars
The Daily Mail's tireless campaign to produce an eating disorder in TOWIE's Lauren Goodger continues unabated. This time, they're pointing out a small hole in her dress. "Hey, thanks, guys! I'll get that stitched. And whilst I've got my needle out, I'll sew my eyes shut so I NEVER HAVE TO READ ABOUT MYSELF IN YOUR PAGES AGAIN."
Tweet-Beef Of The Week
As Jezebel.com neatly highlights, the most fun thing on Twitter right now is Roseanne Barr's ongoing debate with her son about the role of feminism today.
Standout tweets from Roseanne include "we wiped jake's ass and this is the thanks we get - him blabbing about how inferior we are to his manhood.lol" and "when you follow my entitled sexist red necked son @JakePentland - tatum oneal and ricki lake pop up as suggestions! #thatsaysitallchubbster". If you're a fan of misspelled and pointlessly vitriolic political discourse, we suggest you keep track of the whole thing by following @TheRealRoseanne, @JakePentland, and @JennyPentland.