I felt I couldn't let our relationship end without saying a few words.
We've been through so much together. Forty-four years of tears, surprise, education, fantasy, and laughter. You were there when I watched my first episode of Bagpuss - I hated it. But we had to watch it because my mum loved it. And then there was Ivor The Engine. She also loved that too whilst I developed an early dislike for trains and for a short while, the Welsh accent. Eventually came Grange Hill. Finally something I adored! Tucker Jenkins and Trisha Yates were my idols -until my mum decided it was 'a bit rough', and I was banned from watching it. Time rolled by and He-Man rolled in ... my first crush on a cartoon character. Bugger. He was ITV though, wasn't he?
I grew up and went through my emo phase. It was painful for all. Especially for the parents. Black and grey were the colours of the day and East Enders was the programme of the mood. Matching me, ounce of misery for ounce of misery. We worked well as a team together.
Then you introduced me to The Tudors. What can I say? It was just never the same again. Jonathan Rhys Meyers rolling about in the buff, pushing Queens down onto beds wearing nothing but his crown jewels ... things began to change. I needed more. You were no longer enough.
One day I loved you, and the next ... You just didn't feel as hip and cool. I felt a distance growing between us. We just didn't seem to like the same things anymore. Your attention was somewhere else by the late hours of every night. You weren't interested in pleasing me like you had been in the early days ... and yet you were always happy to take my money. It was always me who paid for our time together. Don't get me wrong, I'm a strong, independent woman. I don't mind paying my way, but even I have my limits. It has to be two-way.
I wasn't sad the day I let you go five years ago. Threw you out along with your telly. In fact, I felt relief. Excited about continuing my journey without you. I had so many dreams and plans about what I would do with all the free time I would have on my hands. And on the whole, it has been great! I've read books, (I've written books!!), I've painted, learned to crochet (mostly lumps but it's an on-going process). I've had dinner with long-lost friends. Travelled. Rediscovered the absolute joy of proper conversation, with real people, and yes. I found new love... It can't have been easy for you. Hearing about Netflix. But what can I say? He was vibrant. Fun. Interesting. It was love at first sight. I never stopped caring about you. I still dropped in on you from time to time. Especially when you were hanging out on-line with Paul Hollywood. You never knew it was me, hidden amongst the masses. An observateur secrète. Drooling over your sticky buns and whipped frosting. But alas, that too must now come to an end. I'm sure we shall meet on occasion at my parent's soirees from time to time.
As from midnight tonight, our relationship is over. I knew it couldn't carry on forever. Something had to give, and it was never going to be me. And so I thank you for the memories. The good times and the shitty ones ... like when you forced me to watch tennis or football for f##king ever.
I bid you au revoir.
Till we meet again BBC, till we meet again. ( Probably next week ; the parents are recording British Bake Off for me.)
Your Anna J
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First published: 31 August 2016 on Anna J Lawrence