THE BLOG

Fatal Perfectionism or From Fear to Love

01/12/2015 10:46 GMT | Updated 29/11/2016 10:12 GMT

Are you familiar with that feeling? You start a new project, you would like to move to a different place, make an important phone call - and then suddenly it happens: the fear paralyzes you. You don´t reach out to the receiver, you stay there to live where you are - in other words - you give up?

The fundamental motivation behind this is changing, and this creates in some people fear rather than joy for the upcoming adventure. No wonder, we humans have had negative experiences with shifts or adventures. So we prefer to stay in the situation, which we already know, rather than to go along with the unknown.

Are you a perfectionist and with this attitude you direct your life into difficult way? Instead of gradually proceeding with the new situation, you build up a mount out of tasks, which makes you unable to cope. The consequence of this is that you panic. You dream of a creation which is so perfectly worked out in its last detail and this imagination is so frightening you never dare to start.

Either you give up and fall into depression or you look for psychological help, having the feeling that something is wrong with you. Inwardly, you make yourself belief that you are too weak to proceed, that is not the right time to initiate changes, that you can´t make a decision, you feel lost inside ... and the inner thought clutter bring you into a downward spiral.

You have your life in your own hands. Fear is your constant companion and will never leave you until your last breath. Fear is your protector; call it your guardian. It tells you that you should swim to the shore when the waves are too high, that you now shall not cross the street because a car races by, it warns you of people, whom better not trust. It protects you, so you can go on with your life.

Fear also has its downsides. As it can protect you, it permanently wants to control. It keeps you in a box, so nothing can happen beyond its control. Therefore, it prevents you also from your development or especially in the creative area; it likes to act as a preventer. It does no harm and has no evil intentions. It just does not like it when you are creative or are in a process of change, because you release yourself into a field of all possibilities and thus in a field of uncertainty. This is precisely the field of uncertainty fear tries to avoid.

If you trust yourself, you can fill this field of potentiality (call it visualization or the future or matrix) with beautiful ideas.

If you give your power to fear, it will fill your future with doubts and reduce your opportunities for a positive change. Right here you can intervene.

Elizabeth Gilbert has so beautifully described in her dialogue with Marie Forleo: Speak with your fear. Recognize it, talk to it and tell it: I think it's really great that you always protected me and take such good care of me. But now I want to paint a picture, I am planning my move and want to fill my new life with joy and healing, I want to unfold my potential and need courage. And there, my dear fear, your service is not required. You're welcome to be there, but ... right now I don´t need you!

Fear should not control you, but you can control your fear.

You can learn to invite the fear as your companion, as Elisabeth Gilbert suggests. I, invite you to acknowledge your fear and get to know it. Love her! Because where fear is most, right there you should go forth. There it wants to protect you the most, from your weakness, shadow sides or your unfolded strengths. Exactly these energies want to be recognized.

Don´t waste your time with avoiding anxiety or fear, but look behind or into its eyes. Life is short and it is worthwhile to draw on unlimited creativity and fulfillment!