THE BLOG

Do You Always Need to Be Right?

07/04/2014 14:32 BST | Updated 04/06/2014 10:59 BST

Do you try to change everyone else and tell them what is right for them?

Be honest!

I always find it disturbing when someone proclaims they know what's best for me and expects me to act accordingly, whether I like it or not.

My ex felt he knew what was best for my personal growth, and I had such little confidence I used to suck it up and be uncomfortable, then he expected me to thank him later.

After all surely we all have a right to our own take on things, don't we?

I love to share tools, techniques and tips which are proven effective, but I don't insist I am right or that it's my way or the highway or shame anyone for not following what I suggest.

Why can't people respect other's ideologies without having to agree with them or ridiculing them? I find it amazing how many people love to flag up other people's shortcomings or feel they have the right to go around constantly telling people how they ought to feel, think, behave, and act.

How do I know?

I am a recovering control freak so I used to do exactly that - I 'always needed to be right' and occasionally I slip back into that habit but very quickly I become aware of what I am doing and I always make amends.

Acts of kindness are only kind when you feel good about ourselves. Caretaking is the neighbour of martyrdom. Many who lack confidence have a compulsion to be perfect. I found being a control freak exhausting; I was trying to be the perfect woman and being a master of the universe was a full-time job.

You don't have to be perfect to get someone to love you. It's insanity to think that. It does help, however,

to have a sense of humour, good communication skills, self-approval - and to lighten up. I now take my nose out of everyone else's life and focus on my own instead.

I am not talking about being of service and sharing experiences that help others move forward. I am talking about sitting in judgment, which is in fact sitting in a pool of resistance, and when you are in that place all that you don't like about yourselves you project onto others and dump on them - not very nice!

I had no idea I was controlling and dominating people. I genuinely didn't realise I felt my feelings and needs were far more important than anyone else's. I was so wrapped up in myself that others' opinions and views were of no importance. I was so lacking in confidence and deeply insecure that I needed to be heard and had an insatiable desire to be right at all costs.

Most importantly I had an inflated ego and therefore my blind spots were enormous.

It is crucial for you stop and think about how many times a day you tell other people what to do and how often you hear yourself needing to be right or needing to get in the last word.

Isn't it time to drop the rock?

I constantly hear people criticising others - it's incredible - and I wonder if they are doing it because they truly believe they are better? I wonder if they truly believe (as I used to) that they know best as they are superior and others are inferior? I suggest to clients they start becoming more aware of what they say and what their reactions to others are:

My question to you is:

How do you react when others tell you what to do, always want to get the last word in and always need to be right?

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