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Diary Of A Well-Loved Teddy Bear

28/11/2016 14:01

3am:
Hmm what's that on my ear? It's all wet....Ah yes she is drooling again. Must be her teeth. Whoops! Nearly got squashed there, she is definitely getting heavier...though I can't understand why- all she seems to eat is cheese and raisins. And sometimes dry pasta. We did try a banana the other day but it was all mushy with bits of brown on it....why does Mummy pretend these things are nice?

4.30am:
I'm on the ground again. She won't be pleased if she wakes up....yep I can hear the whimpering already. Here comes Mummy....well that's not a very nice word to use around small ears! At least she has put me back in the cot though she could have been a bit gentler!

6am:
Morning already, that was quick. Huh she is chewing Red Ted today. She usually chews my ear when she wakes up. And why am I all the way over on the other side of the cot?? This just isn't right. Mummy better bring me downstairs and not Red Ted. I mean he doesn't even have a proper name!

7.30am:
Ah cartoon time, lovely! This is the best time of the day. Snuggles on the couch. Even Mummy is looking a bit happier. To be honest she can be a bit of a moaning misery in the mornings, always needing something called coffee to wake her up. Now she is shouting at Daddy again. I wish those two would quieten down so we can hear Peppa. Mummy said we have seen this one a hundred times. Huh seems brand new to me.

8am:
Ugh time to get ready. We hate this time of the day so usually we run and hide behind the couch. It's great fun though strangely Mummy never seems to find it as funny as we do.

9am:
Today we are going to the library. Great. A nice walk then I can chat to the library toys, they lead such interesting lives. I sometimes wonder if I should have become more of a career bear. One-Eyed Doll told me once that Santa even came to visit them. I was pretty envious I can tell you!

9.30am:

These library toys are such fun. There always seems to be something happening here. Today they are having a clown in. Oh I'd love to stay!

10am:
Aw Mummy is getting ready to leave, pity I won't get to meet that clown....Wait a minute they are walking off without me.....!!!!!

10.01am:
Lost, abandoned...oh go away One-Eyed Doll I don't want to join your library gang!

10.02am:
I've just remembered I hate clowns!

10.03am:
Tears. Can't speak.

10.04am:
Mummy is back! She is picking me up.

10.05am:
Joy! Bliss! I could stay in this girl's arms forever! Mummy cuddled me too! She is looking fairly sweaty and harassed. She keeps making sure I am tucked safely into the buggy.

10.30am:
Home. I am never leaving here again.

11am:
All is quiet. Red Ted tried to shove his way in for nap-time but then he fell out of the cot....okay I may have slightly pushed him. But that red-faced bear is not taking my buddy away!

1pm:
Lunch! Mummy has put me up on the shelf so I don't get yoghurt on me like last time. I noticed she wrinkled her nose up when she touched me - never a good sign. She also muttered something about a bath. I suppose my hands and feet are a bit grubby and maybe a bit black when they should be yellow. I fear a day in the Washing Machine of Doom is ahead of me. I felt dizzy for a week after the last time.

1.30pm:
Oh no Mummy has taken out the paints. I'll definitely have to have a wash if I get paint on me!

1.40am:
Silly Mummy is after leaving me right next to the black paint! Does that woman know how to do anything right??

2pm:
Covered in paint. Mummy just attacked me with a wet cloth. She keeps throwing glances at the Washing Machine.

2.50pm:
We are heading for the Washing Machine!

3pm:
Safe. My best buddy refused to stop screaming until Mummy gave me back. I love that girl.

5pm:
Mummy has decided to try carrots again. Even I realise she is playing a loser's game. Yep there goes one on the floor...another in her hair....and yep one for me too. Between that and the paint I really won't be able to escape a bath for much longer.

6pm:
Bath-time for my buddy. Not my favourite part of the day. I've had a few close calls with water and I don't enjoy being dried with Mummy's noisy hair-dryer. I hide under some towels.

6.30pm:
Stories. Time to snuggle down under the covers. Mummy is such a nice story-teller.

7pm:
Reprieve. Mummy has decided she is too tired to deal with a bed-time battle so I don't have to have a bath - yay!

8pm:
My buddy is asleep. Ah this is lovely and warm....wait what's Mummy doing? Where are we going? Noooooo not the Washing Machine of Doom!!

8.20pm:
I hate that woman.

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