THE BLOG

Smart Boyfriend Criteria

15/12/2014 04:45 GMT | Updated 11/02/2015 10:59 GMT

This list was originally written back in 2009 for my own personal vent session but became an all-time favourite amongst my friends, family and later, my husband. I found it to be a useful tool and felt the need to share.

My note from 2009: "These very specific rules have been created so I avoid past allowances that have only ended me up in serious, sometimes humorous ruin."

1. Must have job.

2. Must not live with mommy, daddy, uncle or best friends parents. Apartment or house required (if have roommate, please see sub criteria below):

a. Roommate

1. Must be employed.

2. Must NOT be permanent fixture in living room.

3. Must NOT be your ex-girlfriend, ex-wife or "my best gal pal from college" - NO. Massive fail.

4. Must NOT have drug problem, strange fetishes, and have good sense of boundaries.

5. Must NOT be a part of a gang.

3. Boyfriend must also meet all of the roommate requirements. Meaning: I will not date a gang member, druggy, alcoholic, couch-aholic, someone with a toe-sucking fetish, etc.

4. Must not play or WANT to play PlayStation or any kind of video games more than 8 hours a week.

5. Must know how to grocery shop. Must know where they keep the fruit and vegetables and occasionally purchase these items.

6. Must own a suit...a suit that actually fits. Majority of clothes must not have holes in them.

7. Must own running shoes (and use them for running) OR familiar with the inside of gym.

8. Understands the value of reading from time to time. Pornography does not count. Sports magazines are okay...but it's a stretch.

9. Will hold my hand in public and not grimace or try to make me feel guilty if I ask for a little PDA.

10. Has a checking account and knows approximately how much money is in it AND doesn't habitually bounce/overdraw.

11. Does not have a criminal record, or is aspiring to have a criminal record.

12. Does not have trust issues

a. Does not continually tell me about that "time I cheated on my last girlfriend, man I feel really bad about that"

13. Does NOT ask me to pay for my $2 kimbop lunch.

14. Allows me to see his apartment or house. Does not refuse to bring me there or scare me by describing it as "disgusting".

a. Any bizarre "secretive" behavior is not allowed. This includes but is not limited to:

1. Avoiding contact for days at a time.

2. Refusing to reveal basic information: Such as job, family and past relationships.

3. Leaving the room to "take a phone call"

15. Is capable of being in a monogamous relationship. Does not shutter at the word monogamy. Knows what monogamy means.

16. Knows what charismatic and ambiance mean (I've actually dating men that did not undestand these words...mean older than 25).

17. Has been tested in the last year / Is willing to get tested / knows what "getting tested" means.

18. Does NOT ask me for money.

19. Does NOT ask me to be in a "casual relationship" or tell me that it IS a relationship only to later reveal that by "relationship" he meant "casual".

20. Does NOT think I'm inferior because I don't own any label purses, shoes, clothes, etc.

21. Mother's opinion does NOT "trump" everything.

22. Sister will NOT be allowed to threaten to beat me up.

23. You don't have to be rich - but you most definitely canNOT be bankrupt - or on the verge of bankruptcy.

24. Does NOT sleep with my best friend...or have my best friend "spend the night" and later insist that nothing happened AND proceed to say that I am a horrible person for not believing you.

25. Does NOT insist on knowing everything, or have an inflated sense of self. I will NOT sit through any more conversations that is basically a flagellation of ego.

26. Does NOT look at me as a "wife material".

27. Does NOT HAVE TO own a car...but does HAVE TO legally be able to drive one.

28. Does NOT call me "Ma", "kid" or another woman's name.

29. Is NOT a racist, bigot, masochist, misogynistic, or really hates anyone for any reason that is beyond their control.

30. Must know about and meet the criteria of this list.