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God I Miss my Dog

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At the moment I'm going through a break-up. I left The Ex (from now on, I'll call her 'E') about a month ago now, and it's all been very complicated. In past relationship breakdowns, I've been able to get up, walk away, and never look back. But this time, it's different. This time there's baggage...in the shape of a small dog called Teddy.

E bought me Teddy over a year ago now. A handsome little mix of Chihuahua and Daschund, Teddy was so damn cute as a puppy that every day I took him out I literally had groups of girls stopping me in the street to ask after him. Yeah, note to self, right there...

Over the past year Teddy and I had become best buddies. We were unstoppable. We made a good team. I really loved him.

That made leaving E even harder than normal. I was going to be in no position to be able to look after him. Teddy and I were going to be over too.

That day, after the final argument, I packed my bags to leave and wondered about the best way to leave him. I opted not to say goodbye, not to hug him one last time. It would be too difficult.

So I'd just grabbed my stuff, turned my back and left without a word. Then, of course, I realised I'd left my goddam phone in the house so I'd had to go back. Teddy, as per usual, had greeted my return with complete joyful abandon even though I'd been gone for less than two minutes.
That was difficult.

A week later and I'd received a text from E telling me that she loved me, saying she missed me. Then she added that Teddy too had not been the same since I'd left. I had texted back, asking her not to mention Teddy again because I found it too upsetting to think about him. This was the first time I'd felt myself start to cry since we'd split.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think this means I loved the dog more than her, but it's probably true that somehow I was always more emotionally open when it came to the dog rather than the girlfriend. Weird, I know.

And today, after talking last night to The Ex, I'm going back to hers to pick up a spare set of keys so I can start taking Teddy out for walks again. I don't know whether this means that me and E will get back to talking again or maybe even working things out, but to be honest I'm not thinking too much about that right now, I'm just thinking about HIM.

I'm not kidding, I've been so excited at the prospect of seeing him again that I had major trouble sleeping last night.

'He's going to go mental when he sees you,' said E.

She's right, he probably will.

I have visions in my head of me walking through the front door again and seeing him go ballistic, jumping up, licking, barking....scenes of chaotic joy. That's how it all maps out in my head anyway and that's exactly how I want it to be.

Mind you, thinking about it, he only has a very small brain; he'd better bloody remember me.