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Orgasmic Meditation: Stroking Your Way to Sexuality

15/09/2014 11:12 BST | Updated 25/10/2014 10:59 BST

"I do this really special kind of meditation," she says earnestly.

She's a 20-year old barrister's daughter. Sat in a café in Dalston in the middle of the day. Of course she does a special kind of meditation.

"Yeah," she continues, "I go into this room, lie down, build a nest out of cushions, and then a guy puts on some gloves and strokes my pussy for 15 minutes."

I nearly choke on my coffee. That is a rather different form of meditation.

Louisa

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Two years ago, Louisa was living in a studio flat off Brick Lane, having "gone off the rails." On one of her all-day benders, a guy walked up to her in a bar and asked if she, "Wanted to learn about the female orgasm?" Although she'd been sexually active since the age of 14, she didn't have an orgasm until she was 18.

"I thought there was something wrong with me. I felt like an inadequate woman, unfulfilled. Because I couldn't do this one thing, the rest of my sex became an anxiety-ridden failure to cum. I was aware of all this sexual energy and wanted to access it, and it was symbolic of other areas of my life that were lacking. So when Marc asked if I wanted to learn more about orgasm, I jumped at the chance. Even though I thought he might be a bit of a weirdo, he had a sort of energy that made me grab the flyer from his hand."

Marc Quinn is the man that brought Orgasmic Meditation to London. I imagined him to be some cross between Antonio Banderas and Russell Brand, so I'm rather confused by the tall, fair, Scouser that greets me outside a café in Old St.

Marc

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"In 2011 I was living in London, earning good money as a web designer, but fundamentally unfulfilled. Then I listened to a podcast about 15 minute orgasms. I was surprised that it was by a woman, rather than some sleazy Pick Up Artist: she was humble, open and joyous about it. I immediately delved into online research, and within two months, I was on the plane to San Francisco."

That woman was Nicole Daedone, founder of OneTaste - the business behind Orgasmic Meditation (or OM-ing). Through sexual experimentation in the 90s, she discovered the techniques that would become distilled into OM. Marc explained them to me.

Nicole

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"OM happens between a stroker and a strokee, when they come together to share orgasm. They don't have to be a man and a woman, but the strokee has to be a woman, as they need a clitoris! The woman lies down and takes off just her pants. The stroker remains fully clothed. This isn't foreplay, but a separate, contained experience.

"The stroker uses their left index finger to stroke the upper right-hand quadrant of the strokee's clitoris. It's not about climax. Orgasm is the whole experience, to just enjoy the sensation. And the strokee directs the stroker - telling them faster, slower, firmer, softer, up or down. It happens for 15 minutes, then both partners get on with their day."

Well, that's splendid, I thought. What could be wrong with that? But what do men get out of it?

Marc arches an eyebrow. "We get to stroke pussy. What more of an explanation do you need? But for me, this has been a total identity shift. I walked away from that experience in San Francisco feeling like I understood women better. I knew I could give them pleasure. That's an extremely powerful feeling; through OM we become more sensitive to what's going on in the woman's body, but also our own."

For Louisa, it's been a total reappraisal of her sex and sexuality, "Women's sexuality is shamed in society. We are expected to be sexy, yet there's this whole slut-shaming culture. And because a lot of women have never had good sex - some have never even had an orgasm - they've given up on it and oppressed their sexuality. Through OM, women become sexually powerful and demanding - as they deserve to be. I learned to ask for what I want, to give myself permission to be demanding."

The same has happened for Marc. "I'd pigeonholed my own sexuality. I thought it was dangerous and needed controlling. We're never taught how to deal with it in a healthy way; we reduce our communication, trust and honesty about it. We fear it could be overwhelming and hedonistic. I was afraid to hit on women I fancied. And women's sexuality frightened me."

All that sounds fine in the counter-cultural environment of San Francisco. But when I thought about the central act to OM, I couldn't help but feel very British about it. How do people overcome that reserve and start doing it?

"We've got a one-day workshop this weekend," said Marc, "You don't have to actually do it, but why don't you come along and see for yourself.

And so, 48 hours later on a Saturday morning, I find myself in a community hall with 40 other people. All about to watch a man stroke a woman's clitoris.

Next time.... Down the OM hole.

If you want to learn more about Orgasmic Mediation from the woman who started it, Nicole Daedone will be lecturing on "Female Orgasm and Orgasmic Meditation" at 7:30pm on September 26th at Hallam Conference Center 44 Hallam St, LONDON W1W 6JJ, London. The lecture will be free.