profile image

Alistair Coleman

Writer and award-winning blogger

Writer and award-winning blogger

Husband-and-Wife Blogging Team Win Top Comedy Award - In Their Sleep

Recent posts include subconscious musings on the Christmas season, why blue dogs are more expensive than pink dogs, and gems inspired by the news of impending parenthood. And you should go and have a look right now, because it's utterly brilliant. And then come back here, obviously.
11/01/2013 11:27 GMT

The UK Funniest Blogger Prize - Slight Return

This isn't all about self-promotion, and I want to give a fair shake of the stick to my fellow finalists. So, in the spirit of "other blogs are available", here's a run-down of the six fine sites who made the final cut.
09/12/2012 18:34 GMT

ZEMO: The New Fitness Craze That's Sweeping the Nation

Warm up with a bit of Bauhaus; ramp up the pace with Killing Joke, a touch of Siouxsie; then take a fag break and puke in the corner to The Cramps while the session winds down with The Cure and a few obscure 4AD acts that you pretend you bought on the original vinyl with the art prints and everything.
08/11/2012 13:27 GMT

The Unnerving Discovery That I am a Terrible Classist

There was a time when you couldn't have a sitcom without a comedy camp character, and there were even one or two that bordered on outright racism. While Mr Humphries is fondly remembered, the past is exactly where he should stay.
23/10/2012 17:16 BST

Homeopathic Clothing: Because Making Stuff Up is Easier Than Science

Let me take you back to the year 1988. Thatcher was still in Number Ten, Kylie's 'I Should Be So Luck'" had just been knocked off the Number One spot, and Reading Football Club were officially the 43rd best team in England. On a good day, with a following wind. I remember standing on the terraces at Elm Park during a dour 1-0 victory, singing "You must have come in a taxi" to the visiting Shrewsbury Town fans, who - it transpired - <b>had</b> come in a taxi.
11/10/2012 09:38 BST

Like a Clown Car Crashing Into Another Clown Car - Tragic, but It's Only Clowns

Back in the 1990s when I was some sort of feckless idiot, I was a member of the high-IQ organisation Mensa. I know what you're thinking, but the stark truth is that they know how to throw a good party, and I have yet to apologise to forthright TV critic Garry Bushell-On-The-Box for making off with his umbrella after a boozy Mensa evening in a rainy London.
02/10/2012 10:47 BST

Judge Dredd vs My Head

Dredd is one of the few times that I have paid out cash money to see a 3D movie, essentially because I'm a huge fan of 2000AD (with a much dog-eared, torn and graffiti-ed copy of issue one in a box under my bed), and there are no 2D showings within sensible distance. Three dimensional movies give me a three dimensional headache, invariably leading to very much three dimensional rich, brown vomit in the car park afterwards.
24/09/2012 12:55 BST

My Search for Britain's Most Wretched Hive of Scum and Villainy

Hull was voted the worst town in Britain in 2003, but I found the parts I saw reasonably pleasant. On the other hand, I'd be happy to see the following year's winner - Luton - leveled and turned into an overflow car park for Watford. Poor Luton.
11/09/2012 23:15 BST

How Many Shoes Are Too Many Shoes?

Shoes. They're quite useful, and some people quite like them. In fact, some people like shoes so much, they will own quite extraordinary numbers.
30/08/2012 13:13 BST

Military Fitness: Just Say NO

You pay your money, stand in a field, and a man in a vest with a wispy moustache shouts at you for an hour. While this happens, your body is forced into all kinds of unnatural positions known to acolytes of the craft as "the press-up", "the star jump", the "run to the fence and back MOVE!" and - I shudder at the memory - "the burpee".
22/08/2012 10:34 BST

Camping: Man Versus Nature

Camping! A battle between man and the elements since time immemorial, a life under canvas as families go back to basics, living off their wits and whatever the land can provide. Just as long as there is an electrical hook-up and decent wireless reception.
16/08/2012 20:15 BST

In Which Your Huffington Post Blogger Becomes an Accidental Matchmaker

I've been writing various blogs for <a href="" target="_hplink">myself</a> and various - <a href="" target="_hplink">excellent</a> - organisations for the best part of ten years now. There have been ups (Two national 'best blogger' awards), downs ("A turd-in-process being squeezed out of the fundament of your own prolixity" being my favourite piece of unintentionally hilarious trolling), and some side-to-sides (being called 'better than Jeffrey Archer', for example) down the years that have made it all worth while.
03/08/2012 16:22 BST

All of My Heroes Have Left the Stage: An Eric Sykes Tribute, of Sorts

Nothing is permanent. Nothing stays the same. I say this in sadness as another of my comedy heroes - the great <a href="" target="_hplink">Eric Sykes</a> - dies at the age of 89, the post-war boom in comics taking another step toward extinction.
06/07/2012 13:24 BST

On Telling Life Where to Stick Its Stupid Lemons

My last column for Huffington Post, on the possibility that close-harmony singing business <a href="" target="_hplink">Rock Choir™ might actually be a cult</a> (it isn't, just in case you were wondering) was a first for me. It signalled the first time that somebody has actually reached out to me through the technological marvel that is Twitter and told me that I am not funny. Everyone's entitled to their opinion.
25/06/2012 16:38 BST

On Cults and the Escape Therefrom

So, what's a cult? Wikipedia says the word cult in current popular usage usually refers to a new religious movement or other group whose beliefs or practices are considered abnormal or bizarre.
18/06/2012 16:17 BST

Football: All Human Life is Here, and Also in Hampshire

In 1944, when he wasn't messing about with cats in boxes, the philosopher Erwin Schroedinger wrote a book asking the eternal question: What is Life? I find in my advancing years that life is far too short to read what he might have said, but I doubt it had anything to do with Association Football, which is where he went wrong.
15/05/2012 10:06 BST