profile image

Ian Watson

Writer of funnies- dialogue and stories mainly. Reasonable rates [Fully nude is extra]

Brexit Didn't Kill Poor Jo Cox

I believe this maniac would have struck, regardless of Brexit, and we could still be mourning the loss of an innocent life, or lives. It may have tipped this murdering coward over the edge but it didn't take him there.
24/11/2016 14:41 GMT

Me - Good: You - Bad

I have my own set of values, I believe it's driven by the simple principle of fairness, but I'm not naive enough to think they should be set in stone and forced upon the world.
28/10/2015 17:23 GMT

Bog Post: You Faint Hearted?

As I sit on the bog for the 6th time this morning, gas mask in one hand, Germolene in the other, 'Ring of fire' on the iPod. I wonder what I could possibly have eaten to make my insides so rancid.
12/10/2015 14:25 BST

The Least Important Blog You'll Ever Read

On my second visit I was cheerily told that there was no bacon... or sausage... or eggs... or baguettes. It was 8:45 and they're meant to be serving this stuff till eleven. I left, annoyed, like a pup denied milk at his mother's teat.
31/03/2015 16:25 BST

Pretty Shy for a White Guy

It gets trickier when you're offended by racism aimed at others, especially those who aren't there. Bigots will gladly spew all manner of idiocy when they feel safe that there aren't any of their victims around to hear them.
26/03/2015 11:38 GMT

A fairytale for Christmas? No Thanks

"Is it a good song? Well of course it is- don't be stupid!" That was me and me having our annual Christmas argument about a song that is both rousing and poetically written, and that takes a different look at a holiday that's normally so delicious, wobbly and sugar-coated it could pass for an M&S crème brulee.
22/12/2014 06:37 GMT

To Be a Man, My Son

Dad's world was simpler than mine. Those he considered cowards were bullies and wife beaters. His idiots were layabouts, the intentionally uneducated and the spineless. My cowards are racists and homophobes. My idiots are the intolerant and the close-minded. People too scared to even try and understand anything that makes them look at their own lives.
10/11/2014 16:59 GMT

Kerry Ellis at the London Palladium a Review

There's no point pretending that I am unbiased in writing this review because you all know that I have personal connections with some of the people in last night's concert so getting all Shentonesque is pointless.
14/05/2013 14:14 BST

The Voice Is Back

I wanted to write this blog in letters so small they'd fit on an electron so they would convey not only the scale of my enthusiasm for this show after the first episode but also my total negativity.
01/04/2013 20:54 BST

Superstar, Keeping Up Appearances

"Georgie Best. Superstar, Wears frilly knickers and a Playtex bra!" I was amongst thousands of kids in the 70s who sang that, oblivious as to the original, and I still sing it whenever the credits come on to Superstar.
18/07/2012 18:13 BST

Superstar is Coming

Dying for our sins can't have been easy and rising from the dead must have been even harder, but there are those who say that teaching the world forgiveness was the hardest thing he ever had to do.
03/07/2012 19:28 BST

The Voice, Week Seven: Second Round Live Shows

LIVE, LIVE, LIVE! The BBC love a bit of LIVE don't they? They spend so much money sending people out to report LIVE for no reason whatsoever because they just can't get enough of it.
08/05/2012 13:41 BST

The Voice. Week 5 - The Battles!

Before you ask, yes I have watched both 'battle rounds' of The Voice this weekend. Anyone who was on Twitter, and if you weren't then it's probably time to pull the red chord and get the nurse to tell you what it is, will know that I was tweeting my bitchy little bum off through both shows.
24/04/2012 07:35 BST

The Voice, Week 4

So the 'blind' auditions are over at last. They may have been about as blind as the 'all-seeing-eye' but more on that later.
17/04/2012 12:30 BST

The Voice: Week Three

Do you ever get the feeling that the world has cocked a formerly deaf ear in your direction? I'm starting to suspect that those savvy telly types at The Voice are listening to tutting head shakers like me and chucking in a few tweaks, albeit too late.
10/04/2012 21:36 BST

The Voice: Week Two

This week we saw <em>The Voice</em> settle into its boots a bit more and start to look, to me, more like the program it isn't, but at least a program I can get into.
01/04/2012 19:56 BST

The Voice: Week One

Right! Before we start- before we even think about starting and are still in bed scrambling for the snooze button, let's get something very clear indeed. <em>The Voice</em> ISN'T about finding a voice. Let's just knock that idea on the head and put it in a dark corner to come round in its own time and wander off unnoticed shall we?
25/03/2012 15:50 BST

I am NOT Jeremy Clarkson

I'm not Jeremy Clarkson. Let me make that absolutely clear. In fact I care not one bit for pretty much everything he says and does and his attitude, which can be summed up as, "Shut the fuck up, hippie, I'm talking," makes me wish I was a short, black lesbian working-class aristocratic motorphobe, just to be as unlike him as possible.
16/01/2012 16:23 GMT