Esther Rich2013-06-18T23:15:03-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=esther-richCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Esther RichGood old fashioned elbow grease.Super-STRONG vs Super-Skinnytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.32710472013-05-14T06:15:02-04:002013-05-15T10:04:06-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/
A huge amount of my recovery has been learning that my body is capable of far more if it is well-maintained and nourished. Even something as simple as having the strength and energy to walk up the high street to Costa without feeling exhausted can enhance my life because it means that my coffee dates with friends are far more rewarding - I can actually think clearly enough to hold a conversation rather than immediately needing to rest!
My favourite quote of all time was given to me by a friend:
'What if we viewed exercise not as a way to get the bodies we want, but as a way of celebrating the amazing things out bodies can do?'
And if it's not enough to make that choice for yourself, I can guarantee that if you asked men the majority of them would choose toned over skinny any day!
Of course, there is a danger of slipping the other way and becoming driven by the need to become MORE toned, more muscular, get a six pack, lift heavier weights. I've been through that stage as well. But in my experience the happiest women are those who have found a healthy balance between food and exercise. They don't worry about their diet because they know they are active enough to counterbalance it, but equally they don't feel pressured into excessive exercise because they are not scared of their weight changing slightly.
In her book 'An Apply a Day', Emma Woolf writes about pinning photos of athletes and cut-outs from running magazines on her fridge as a reminder that looking and feeling good isn't all about weight - those girls are indisputably stunning, yet they are strong rather than skinny, muscular and toned rather than waif-like. They don't care about the ridiculous 'thigh gap' trend or the measurement of their waist, they focus on building up their bodies to allow them to succeed!
Aptly, the theme of this year's Mental Health Awareness Week is physical activity and exercise. As I've repeatedly stressed, exercise has been crucial in restoring my own mental health. The release of endorphins is undeniably beneficial for those suffering from depression and other disorders. However, in terms of eating disorders, I understand that promoting exercise is controversial. My view is that exercise whilst in the grips of anorexia is harmful because it perpetuates the competitive mindset, and any spent energy is unlikely to be replaced, but once into recovery gentle exercise to begin with has the potential to serve as an additional form of therapy by challenging the desire to be skinny and showing a sufferer what they are truly capable of when healthy!]]>Why the Taboo on Prozac is So Last Centurytag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.33667012013-05-05T19:00:00-04:002013-06-06T03:01:52-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/
I may have recovered from anorexia, but the underlying biological (arguably genetic.) mechanisms which triggered the corresponding depression haven't gone away. In order to maintain a stable, happy lifestyle (and more importantly cope with the pressures of studying for a degree.) I still need a daily dose of fluoxetine - otherwise known as Prozac.
Yes, Prozac is portrayed as the drug that celebrities turn to when life gets a little too hectic. But the misconception is that they do so for attention, or to join a craze, when in reality it shouldn't be so surprising that they often become depressed when they lose control of their own lives to the media.
The last couple of days haven't been great - I've started to feel down and the body/food-related thoughts and temptations have been creeping back in. Today I tried to work out why that might be, when I've been doing so well for so long. It suddenly occurred to me that I picked up my latest prescription on Monday but haven't yet taken it to the pharmacy. Unbelievably, after just 4 days without the medication, I am reminded of just how much difference it makes to my life.
Of course, there will be sceptics reading this and viewing me as a drug-dependent hypochondriac, but the truth is these drugs work. They have a medical purpose, and they genuinely help. I'm not dependent - I'm following doctors' advice. Once before I made the decision to stop taking them because I was worried that this would be how I was viewed, but I later realised I wasn't ready. The body and mind let you know when they can cope on their own and mine couldn't. Since restarting the course of treatment I have regained my optimism about life and ability to deal with difficult situations without turning to the formerly automatic, self-destructive coping strategies.
So, if you or someone you know is on (or should be on.) anti-depressants but you still have doubts, re-think your attitude today. In an age where same sex marriage and international adoption have become the norm, there is no valid reason for the continuing taboo on mental health issues.]]>Eating Disorder Treatment: How Accessible Is It to University Students?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.31795122013-04-29T14:13:22-04:002013-04-30T10:32:18-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/ previous blogs, starting university was a pivotal point in my recovery from anorexia. I had been out of hospital for nearly two years and was, for all intents and purposes, 'recovered'. I'd established a stable, healthy weight and in general could eat in public without looking out of place.
But behind that image were the facts that I was surrounded by people who had known me when I was at my worst and so were constantly checking my diet was sufficient, had my parents cooking all my meals so that all I had to do was arrive at the table and eat what I was given without much thought, and had a regular routine which helped me deal with my food plan.
What wasn't displayed on the surface was the on-going mental struggle I was still facing when given control of my own food intake. The temptation to cut out calories where possible was still present, and Ana's voice was still pushing me to give in. Once I left home I could have one of two ways: decide to keep up recovery for myself, or slip back into my old ways knowing it would be highly likely to go unnoticed in an environment where no-one knew my history and no-one had to see me eat.
For me, rowing acted as the most effective treatment plan I could have been given, but for many eating disorder sufferers university can be even more isolating than home life because it is a time when you are old enough not to have your parents deciding that you need treatment and forcing you to stick to it, and have the added excuse of the extreme workload to stay in your room avoiding communal mealtimes rather than socialising. 'I'll grab something later' can't be proven wrong in the way that it can in the family home.
For these people - who either go to university with an eating disorder or develop one whilst there - treatment is not always forthcoming. Those who were previously receiving treatment can easily get lost when made to register at a new medical practice, and those who have not had treatment are unlikely to reach out for help in order to make contact with the services which could save their lives. I've personally known several people who have had to give up or postpone their studies because they have not received any intervention and their eating disorder has prevented them from being well enough to continue!
In a bid to change this system, 'Beat' - the UK's leading eating disorder charity - are currently carrying out a survey into the accessibility of treatment for university students. This participant described their struggle to find ongoing treatment once they moved away from home:
"I first went to my home GP just before leaving for uni about my eating disorder but was told as I was moving I couldn't be referred. Once at uni it took me nearly a year to get the courage"
No matter how old you are, if you have or have had an eating disorder and are at or have been to university, please do take just five minutes of your time to fill it out. Your contribution to this vital research could play an integral part in improving the lives of hundreds of students with all types of eating disorders and the services on offer to them!
To take part, simply fill in the survey here.]]>Plea for a Sponsor!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.30361962013-04-08T07:53:11-04:002013-06-08T05:12:01-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/previous blog about rowing to London for Beat will know the extent of the challenge my fellow CCCBC rowers and I have set ourselves.
180km is no easy feat, but we are intent on making the pain worthwhile by raising a lot of money for the charity! In a recent interview with the squad, I was really touched to hear of members' personal connections to Beat - stories of siblings, best friends, even their own experiences of eating disorders! It really brought home this year's Eating Disorder Awareness Week motto - 'Everybody knows somebody...'
However, as far as our good intentions may get us with regard to supporting an extremely valuable charity and pushing ourselves to the limits to complete the distance, they will not (as much as we'd like them to) magically boost our student bank accounts to allow us to afford the basic costs which we will inevitably encounter, such as trailering our boat back from London, fuelling a safety boat and allowing for our increased appetite to be quenched following the hugely increased calorie expenditure along the way.
Anyone who has ever eaten with a rower post-training will have witnessed the importance of good nutrition and prevalence of a hearty appetite!
We are therefore appealing for a corporate sponsor to cover these costs on our behalf (which will amount to approximately £750) and allow us to complete this epic challenge in order to support those who desperately need beat's help!
In return, we are able to offer you the unique opportunity to advertise your logo on our bespoke kit provided by Stitch Rowing - which will be on show to hundreds of supporters at both our launch and welcome events and along the route - as well as have full involvement in all publicity in the run up to the event!
If you are interested in this opportunity, or would like more information, PLEASE get in touch at esther.rich@ccc.ox.ac.uk or contact us on twitter - @CCCBCforBeat
Don't forget you can still sponsor us individually at www.justgiving.com/londonrow]]>Anorexic Images - Who Needs Them?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.29724662013-03-31T19:00:00-04:002013-05-31T05:12:01-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/
I thought to myself that that is precisely the problem with the current state of the media: too many people assume they understand eating disorders by sight alone, rather than stepping outside of their comfort zone to consider the reality that they run much deeper than skin level.
Given the recent controversy on Twitter surrounding the portrayal of eating disorders on popular TV programmes, it is important to recognise that their basis lies in the psychological symptoms, NOT the physical alone!
Displaying images of sufferers in their skin-and-bone state puts too much focus on weight loss, which is in fact just one of many symptoms of eating disorders - and actually only applies to anorexia which accounts for just 10% of cases under the umbrella term 'eating disorders'.
As a result this feeds the common misconception that in order to have an eating disorder one must be drastically underweight. In fact, many people who are diagnosed as having an eating disorder never fall below a healthy weight!
In my own fight for treatment I was turned away because I was not underweight enough, even though I had already reached the stage of amenorrhoea. It seems so dismissive to believe that anorexia in particular is categorised by emaciation; in my last blog I explained how even after three years of maintaining a healthy weight - and therefore by the media's definition being recovered - I can still encounter the distorted cognition associated with the illness. The weight is simply a by-product of the thoughts, and so the thoughts are just as much present once the weight has been gained, and take far longer to work through.
Another common justification is that seeing such graphic images of starvation will make an anorexic 'think twice' about 'what they are doing to themselves'. Anorexia is NOT a lifestyle choice that can simply be opted out of! They are not doing anything to themselves, they are being dictated to by the malicious voice of a genuine illness.
Susan Ringwood, CEO of Beat, has said: "Eating disorders are more hard wired than was first known to be the case... people with anorexia can know they are at risk of dying and can find that less terrifying than gaining a few pounds in weight".
The 'shock factor' which is experienced by the typical reader, and is exploited by the media, does not affect someone with an eating disorder. Susan continued: "These images do not shock them, they excite, encourage and motivate them to get as thin if not thinner than the person depicted".
'Triggering' can sound like such a trivial word, but the truth is that presenting emaciation as a validation of anorexia not only promotes the denial of being ill because a sufferer will never feel like they look like the person in the picture - and so they can't have the same illness - but also brings out the innately competitive side of the illness and drives the need to restrict food further because they take the image as evidence that they can (and in their mind should) be thinner!
It is understandably difficult to comprehend the danger of these graphic images when to most people they serve as a catalyst for disgust, but I would urge anyone viewing such an image to consider it from the point of view of a person who is caught in the deadly grasp of an eating disorder. To these people, opening that magazine in which they sought a momentary escape from their own reality only to be faced with a representation of the idol who they feel they can never replicate merely reinforces the feeling of inadequacy, self-hatred and depression.
For more information go to b-eat.co.uk]]>Diary of an Anorexic... Or Some Similar Clichetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.29150842013-03-20T19:00:00-04:002013-05-20T05:12:02-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/
Whilst going for a pub lunch with my boyfriend recently, I came across a new hurdle... For so long I was obsessed with numbers - calories, weight, exam grades - that I couldn't do anything without knowing the exact number related to it. This largely applied to meal times: I couldn't comprehend choosing a meal without knowing how many calories were in it to satisfy my need to be in control, and I couldn't enjoy that meal unless it was consumed in the knowledge that I had been successful in selecting the lowest calorie option.
In my celebration of recovery I congratulated myself on the fact that this was no longer the case: I now find a sense of freedom in not knowing the calories in my food, and enjoy it nonetheless.
As I strolled up the hill with my boyfriend in the sunshine I was actively looking forward to our meal together, and was well aware of the hunger pains that had eluded me during my illness! However, this particular pub had decided to follow the current trend in obesity-prevention by publishing the calorific content of every option on the menu.
Those infamous alarm bells immediately began to ring in my head, and only at this point did I realise that my avoidance of numbers was part of a delusion - in revelling in the fact that I no longer needed to know the numbers, I was overlooking the reality that I had now gone the opposite way: seeing those numbers in front of me immediately ruined every meal I might have selected, because I knew exactly where they each came in the calorie ranking, and many of them were not near the bottom!
My old instinct to scan the menu for the lowest value kicked in, but at the same time so did the revelation that until I could switch off that instinct I would be feeding the anorexia rather than feeding my own needs. I made a vow there and then - one which I am determined to repeat and one which, although simple to most people, has the potential revolutionise my attitude. I vowed to choose what I wanted to eat - that which my taste buds craved rather than that which stood out as the 'healthiest' (read lowest calorie - another delusion) option.
Every time I make that choice I will be staring 'Ana' in the face and saying: "No". I will be taking control in a real sense, not in the way that Ana used to tell me I had control. I will be living as the role model I want to be to other sufferers, but also setting an example to myself.
Only two people have ever told me it is possible to recover completely from an eating disorder: the psychotherapist who I did an internship with last year (who had, herself, 'recovered') and my boyfriend. Before I met these two people, I was firmly of the view that 'recovery' meant learning to cope with the illness in everyday life. I strongly believed that anorexia was not something which ever fully went away; I simply had to develop coping strategies which made me stronger in resisting the temptation to slip back into my old ways.
'Ana's voice' would become weaker, but never silent. These two alone have taught me that it was that mind-set that would, in fact, prevent me from recovering. By telling myself it was impossible, I had so easily slipped into the comfortable acceptance that I no longer had to try and beat it, I merely had to live with it without it beating me: a false truce with Ana. But today I am making the choice to live without Ana. It is a choice that I will make each and every day for the foreseeable future, but one which will truly allow me to take back my life.
If you or someone you know has been affected by an eating disorder, visit b-eat.co.uk for advice!]]>One Hundred and Eighty Kilometres, Four Days, Pain!tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.28749862013-03-17T19:00:00-04:002013-05-17T05:12:02-04:00Esther Richhttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/esther-rich/
As female university rowers the women of Corpus Christi College Boat Club, Oxford, inevitably have muscular thighs and regularly turn up to lectures with no make-up and sweaty hair following early morning training sessions. And yet we love our bodies because they are the very things which allow us to be successful in our sport! Our goal is to show those who suffer from eating disorders and low self-esteem that it is possible for them to feel the same way about theirs.
We are preparing to become the first all-female crew to row the 180kilometres from Oxford to London for charity. This will take place over three full days between 23 and 26 June (made up of a half day followed by two full days and another half day to allow us to make the most of the launch and welcome parties), and will result in catastrophic muscle ache, innumerable hand blisters and, to put it bluntly, numb bums!
But why put ourselves through that? What has motivated us to stand up for this cause? At 5ft 2in, I shatter the rowing stereotype and am confined to the 'little person' seat at bow - the back of the boat, although looking at me the obvious assumption would be that I am the cox (for non-rowers, this is the loud-mouthed midget that sits at the front of the boat and dictates instructions which the rest of the crew must follow or face being thrown into the ice-cold river at 6am). I have a continuous fight to 'keep up with the big people' to retain my place in the college boat, and thrive on gruelling training sessions requiring immense physical and mental strength. But I wasn't always this motivated by fitness alone.
As a teenager with a diagnosis of severe anorexia, exercise to me was purely a joyless means of burning calories which I hadn't taken on in the first place. At age 15 I spent nine months as a hospital inpatient, but four years later I am now fully recovered and volunteer as a Young Ambassador for the eating disorder charity 'beat', who we will be fundraising for through our expedition! Beat is a charity which works to raise awareness of eating disorders and provide support and advice for sufferers and their family and friends.
The camaraderie and need for physical strength provided by rowing has allowed me to regain my love of exercise simply for the endorphins, and not for the weight control! My personal mission, therefore, is to teach eating disorder suffers to view exercise not as a way to get the body they want, but as a way of celebrating the amazing things their bodies are capable of!
Countless eating disorder sufferers have told me of their fear that they will never get rid of the anorexic voice in their head. I felt that way myself! But I am proud to say that through my training I have reached a stage where calories are no longer my enemy, but my friend! Food is no longer a forbidden weakness, but is the very thing which fuels my journey towards a goal, and allows me to succeed!
We are currently trying to publicise the event as widely as possible, with the view that if we are going to put ourselves through that much pain in the name of charity then we may as well to everything we possibly can to raise a significant amount of money and make it worth our while. We would love it if as many people as possible might be willing to sponsor us and/or spread the word about our challenge!