James Granleese2013-05-19T19:11:15-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=james-granleeseCopyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc.HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for James GranleeseGood old fashioned elbow grease."Mother's Day"-ishtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.28630862013-03-12T17:35:00-04:002013-05-12T05:12:01-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
As you can by no doubt imagine by this stage, I completely forgot about Mother's Day this year. I say that like I remember every other year, I don't. I always get the last minute reminder though, usually in the form of a Tesco ad in between episodes of Top Gear were they attempt to panic us onto buying their over-priced cards and whatever brand of horse they have on the shelves that week. This year however the reminder did not come in the form of a last minute Tesco ad, God I wish it had, but alas, this year the Universe had thought of all whole new way to make me look bad.
You see my mother works as a child-minder and I came home last Friday to see a beautiful bouche of flowers sitting on the kitchen table with a card saying "Happy Mother's Day to my second Mother". I couldn't believe it! The card suggested that it was Mother's Day and, if so, I was being shown up by an 18-month-old baby girl. Not good. I'll not lie, the thought did occur to me, I mean it's not like it would take much. A little bit of Tipex to get rid of that 'Second', maybe add on a 'From James', she'd never know and It would definitely bring that 1 and a half year old down a peg or two!
To my credit, I did not go ahead with this plan, it wouldn't have been right. Also because I couldn't find any tipex. This was not shaping out to be a good Mother's Day. Granted this wouldn't be the worst Mother's Day my mother has ever experienced. You see the date of my birth coincidentally fell on Mother's Day nearly 18 years ago now and I can't imagine a worse first Mother's Day gift for me to give my mother than 18 hours of labour and childbirth. Yeah, I set the bar pretty high for bad Mother's Day's. Thank God.
Thankfully, like every year, my Dad came home with cards for me, my brother and sister to quickly scribble our names into, put in a envelope to then immediately walk into the living room, hand to our mother, watch her open them and then walk out to return to whatever we'd normally do on a Sunday afternoon. As you can tell, we're a very emotional family.
One other thing we do though is do something as a 'family' and this year we decide to go to the cinema. We are also a very original family. A problem arose however when my mother chose what movie she wanted us all to see together. You see she wanted to see Oz: The Great and Powerful, a perfect family film filled with nothing but wonder and joy but she forgot that our family includes my Dad, my brother and myself and let's face it, we wanted to go see the new Die Hard. The perfect male film filled with nothing but death and destruction.
But, of course, seeing as it was Mother's Day, we decided that it was only fair that we gave Ma and our sister some money for tickets and sweets and sent them down the yellow brick road while we went off to watch a middle aged man kill random Russian nationals in new extravagant ways. It's nice to treat your Mum, isn't it?]]>The Impossible Act of Revisiontag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.28233692013-03-06T18:14:22-05:002013-05-06T05:12:01-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
Now don't get me wrong; it's not that I hate learning. I love learning, but by some weird mental defect I am only capable of learning facts that will, in no way, help me later on in life. A good example of this is that fact that I know that it is anatomically impossible for a pig to look up at the sky. Now I will never need this fact in everyday life, the only time this fact will ever be useful is if the pigs rise up against us and we need to decide on the best plan of attack. This is, however, is very unlikely to occur so this fact, like countless others, gets sorted in my head alongside the population size of Vanuatu and Hitler's birthday. It's hard to fit anything else into my head with all that's already crammed in there.
So, as you can imagine, studying does not come naturally to me. It definitely doesn't make it easier the fact that, in today's world, there's roughly about a million different things out there just calling to me, promising escape from the mundane world of A-Levels. In order of what I can see around my room, I have, within arm's length of me, a television, a Xbox 360 with about 15 games for it, a bookcase filled with the obvious and an iPad with about another 15 bookcase's worth of literature on it.How can anyone expect to choose revision over any of those? Even still, none of these can hold a candle to the biggest distraction of all that we try, and fail, to not get sucked in by. That, of course, is the Internet.
The Internet is truly brilliant. I mean, how can you not love the Internet? It really does have something for everyone. Animals dressed as humans? It's got it. Sad pathetic teenagers with no life and won't shut up? You're reading this, aren't you? Looking for love? Actually maybe it's not the best idea not to use the Internet for that. But, nonetheless, you'd be hard pushed to not find anything more interesting then binomial expansions and the Data Protection Act of 1998 on the Internet.
My school, in fairness, does try to help. They try to compete with all these alternatives we have and near force us to do the work required to make the past 14 years of education worthwhile. They do this by, making available to us, a 'Senior Study'. This is a large room with carpet floor, cushioned seats and radiators that actually radiated heat on a regular basis. They did this to give us students a secluded area where we can sit comfortably and revise in peace and quiet, free from all distractions made available to us. But do we actually work in this comfortable, warm place? Of course not! We put out head's down and sleep. It must be difficult for teachers to motivate students to work when we genuinely prefer being unconscious over it.
The worst part of all this is that I know I'm going to regret not revising. I'll sit there, on whatever distraction most appeals to me that day, knowing that, in a few hours, I'll be sitting there, doing an exam, staring at a blank page and trying to remember anything to do with whether or not the US Constitution protects the rights of it's citizens and of course nothing will come to mind other than the storyline of 'Lost' and the lyrics of 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. From that, and, I suppose, this entire piece in general, you can imagine how optimistic I am for my results tomorrow. But maybe this is a good thing. Maybe these certain-to-be-catastrophic results will be what I need to scare me into revising for the summer! Well, I say that now, but deep down I know that little will change and I'll still be on the Internet to the small hours in the morning, hours before a life-changing exam and not caring in the slightest.]]>The Life of a Nerdtag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.27984462013-03-02T16:54:52-05:002013-05-02T05:12:02-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
You see, it all started with that first problem I solved all those years ago, so long that I don't even remember what that initial problem was. But that's all that it took for me to be branded for life. Okay, now I'm just over-exaggerating. Wait, no I'm not! The countless phones, iPods, laptops, computers, TV's, Xbox's, Nintendo DS's, PS3's and anything remotely electronic have been dropped on my lap over the years, always with a heartfelt and sincere request of "This here isn't working, gone fix it". I have become the regional helpdesk for all things that teachers would confiscate if found on your person in class.
But being a nerd isn't meant to be that bad these days; we seem to rule the world with our websites, computers and software. Even shows like "The Big Bang Theory" has even added a certain new appeal to nerds from those of the opposite gender (girls). Unfortunately none of these girls reside in a 50-mile radius of me. Trust me, I've checked. Several times.
I'm going to let you in on a secret now, something sacred in eyes of nerds and computer people everywhere and that is, we haven't got a clue what were talking about. One word. Google! Any problem at all that's brought to us, we wait and then when we're sure no one's is looking and the problem is fired into Google and we wait with baited breath for the internet to tell us what to do next. Unfortunately, this does not always work because even the great and mighty Internet doesn't know how to fix a phone that's been dropped more times then a ticking suitcase in Heathrow Airport. We just tell the person that we did everything we could but there's only so much that can be done for a phone that missing every key except 3, 5 and *.
The problem with this scheme arose when my reputation as a "nerd" preceded me and I was asked to help in the 2012 Mission Day, particularly the "X Factor", where I was tasked with creating the video at the start showcasing the acts. To do this I was given a digital video camera from the Drama department and 4 weeks. This was one of the times were even Google didn't have the answer. Thankfully after extensive panicking, nervous fits and crying I was able to scramble together a video that was in some way presentable and I somehow managed to uphold my facade as someone who has a clue what they're doing.
So I leave you now with a warning to all who think they might be like me but still have a chance at escape before the world finds out that you can use a computer for more than going on Facebook and staring at dressed-up sloths on the Internet. Never let them know your secret! Pretend that you think you can solve any computer problem by either turning it off and on again or, in extreme cases, by pressing Crtl+Alt+Del repeatedly until something happens. Do this every time and you may be able to stay hidden, but if they ever suspect you grab your inhalers and run! Run for the hills! But, unfortunately, as portrayed in several accurate stereotypes and clichés, we nerds are not known for our physical capabilities and high stamina's. So when we run, they will chase us and we will be caught (or we simply collapse after sprinting several metres) and then we will be forced to fix that person's technological mishaps. It's just the price we nerds have to pay.]]>Swearing, Why Not?tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18811052012-09-13T12:11:57-04:002012-11-13T05:12:01-05:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
So I'm accustomed to swearing in nearly all forms of communication weather it be speak, text or hand gestures. But I think there's more to swearing then what meets the eye (or ears...I may have picked a tricky sentence to end it on... ah well).
Now, for the benefits of the Huffington Overlords currently reading this at their desks and slamming down on a "PANIC" button, I will not swear at any point in this blog...unless I feel like it (that is a joke! [The "feeling like it" bit not the "not swearing" bit {Wow this post really is a minefield, isn't it? }]). I really need to learn how to use parentheses...just a brief editorial comment I thought I'd make to stop me from being sacked but I fear that after this paragraph that ship has pretty sailed.
Anyway! If you think about it, swearing really is a fascinating subject when you think about it because when it comes down to it, isn't swear words just words like any other? But if that's the case then why do people find them so offensive? Probably because we know when a person uses these words that they mean to be offensive, which really makes swearing more of an act. When we swear we are really just showing others how we feel.
But isn't that what all words do, I hear you not ask? Yes, but for some unknown reason, we, as humans, react more to these select words then any other. I can pretty much guarantee that each and every one of you will pay more attention to a man who swears during conversation then a man who doesn't. For some reason we believe that they feel more strongly about a topic then the man who doesn't. But why? They are just words after all, aren't they?
The truth, of course, is that the only power words have is the power we give them. The best example for this is probably the incident that occurred between Liverpool player Luis Suárez and Man U player Patrice Evra last year. As you may remember, Suárez called Evra a profanity, which I won't say for the reason that I'm a decent human being, but the interesting thing is that Suárez didn't think he was swearing but Evra, and the rest of the western world for that matter, thought he was. That's because over here we are told that that word is wrong but to Suárez the word is on the same power as calling someone "ginger".
To fully understand this imagine going to say Vanuatu, walking up to a man with ginger hair and calling him "ginger" and watch the whole country take a step back in horror and disgust at the verbal abuse you've just thrown at this poor, innocent ginger person who has now broken down in tears after you've just reminded him of his standing in the social order of Vanuatu due to his hair colour. This just goes to show that the only meanings words have are the ones we, the public, give them.
Another aspect of swearing that people love to talk about is social class. If I was to introduce you to a working-class brick layer and a upper-class executive, who would you expect to be the one to start swearing first? Me too. We just can't imagine posh people swearing, can we? It's just odd to think of a man like David Cameron swearing at a referee during a U12 football match (it's an Irish thing) and if we did we would no doubt find it gut-wrenchingly hilarious. But why don't they? Do they not feel emotion like the rest of us? Deep down we know that posh people want to roar profanity at Justin Bieber and the like just as much as the rest of us.
Most people deem swearing as bad language and refrain from doing it as much as possible but what's wrong with using these words to express your anger and frustration? Why is it impolite and unacceptable to express anger and the darker side of human nature, which we all have no matter how much we deny it. That human nature that makes us laugh when someone falls over in public, the reaction to roar a "certain word" when we stub our toes and our sense of humor that makes Jimmy Carr employable. We all know it's there, why do we bother to hide it?]]>Woes Of Modern-Day Languagetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18377582012-08-29T09:07:07-04:002012-10-29T05:12:04-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
Some people even took this form of communication and changed it completely, resulting in 600 different languages the world over. In my mind, this always happened like a game of "Chinese Whispers" played by schoolchildren the world over. For those of you who didn't attend primary school education, the rules are simple. One child would whisper a sentence to another, who would then repeat whatever he or she heard to another person and so on until the whole class had heard it. Then the final person would announce what they heard, which would traditionally be nothing close to what the original sentence was. I feel that's what happened to language. A simple message would travel over thousands of miles and even more ears until the original structure had been lost and there was nothing left but meaningless gibberish. I believe that this is how French was invented.
But what has our generation given to it so far?
Now, we haven't been around for that long. But even in this short time, we've seemed to given our own unique twist to language. Or at least to the English language, anyway. But is our contribution the best thing to happen to the English language? For that we have to look back and see what all other generations have had to offer.
I'll start off with probably the most obvious contributor to the English language, the man who has gone down in history as the greatest wordsmith of all time, England's pride and joy that is, of course, Jeremy Clarkson. No, it's actually William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare is definitely one of the first names that comes to mind when it comes to the English language. He managed to shape and form mere words into masterful works of art that will probably still be forced down the throats of bored GCSE English students for millennia to come. He has been placed on the list for all-time geniuses all for his unique interpretation of language and how he helped to improve it. This is the first example of how language has been changed in a single generation.
Now we fast-forward to the present day, when we have given our own twist to the language that's been given to us. We have definitely contributed to the English language, but the question is, have we done as well as the bard did?
No. We haven't. Why? Is it because we are lazy? Either that or we are in an eternal rush for some unknown reason. I say this because to us young people we live under the philosophy that as long as the message gets across, then the spelling, punctuation and grammar is irrelevant. To show you what I mean, I will transcribe a message in "teen talk" and then translate it for you:
hve u seen da new batman movi? da drk nite rises tis awsum
=
Have you seen the new Batman film? "The Dark Knight Rises" is awesome!
But probably the biggest addition to language that we are responsible for is abbreviations. I will now use one that you will all be familiar with, LOL. This stands for "laugh out loud" (and not "lots of love," which has lead to several awkward funeral cards). It has been used so much in everyday life that it has now been coined as our generation's "word."
But this isn't the only abbreviation that we've started to use -- "what about you" becomes WBU, "just kidding" becomes JK and "stfu" means. you know what, let's just forget about that one. The point is that our generation's contribution to language seems to be a result of laziness and our lack to put in any more work then the absolute minimum amount of effort.
But then again, who am I to say that this is wrong? How do we know that when Shakespeare first opened with his play in the Globe, he wasn't derided as an idiot in the way we've done with the cast of "Geordie Shore" and "Big Brother"?
Maybe next century someone will write a piece acknowledging abbreviations and spelling words phonetically as the way of the future. Unlikely, but who knows?]]>The Woes of Modern-Day Languagetag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.18213142012-08-22T09:27:57-04:002012-10-22T05:12:07-04:00James Granleesehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/james-granleese/
Some people even took this from of communication and have changed it completely, resulting in 600 different languages the world over. In my mind this always happened like a game of "Chinese Whispers" played by schoolchildren the world over. For those of you who didn't attend primary school education, the rules are simple. One child would whisper a sentence to another, who would then repeat whatever he or she heard to another person and so on until the whole class had heard it. Then the final person would announce what they heard which would traditionally be nothing close to what the original sentence was. I feel that's what happened to language. A simple message would travel over thousands of miles and even more ears until the original structure had been lost and there was nothing left but meaningless gibberish. I believe that this is how French was invented.
But what has our generation given to it so far?
Now, we've not been around for that long. But even in this short time we've seemed to given our own unique twist to Language. Or at least to the English Language anyway. But is our contribution the best thing to happen to the English Language? For that we have to look back and see what all other generations have had to offer.
I'll start off with probably the most obvious contributor to the English Language, the man who has gone down in history as the greatest wordsmith of all time, England's pride and joy that is, of course, Jeremy Clarkson. No, it actually William Shakespeare.
William Shakespeare is definitely one of the first names that come to mind when it comes to the English Language. He managed to shape and form mere words into masterful works of art that will probably still be forced down the throats of bored GCSE English students for millennia to come. He has been placed on the list for all-time geniuses all for his unique interpretation of language and how he helped to improve it. This is the first example of how language has been changed in a single generation.
Now we fast forward back to present day where we have given our own twist to the language that's been given to us. We have definitely contributed to the English language, but the question is have we done as well and the Bard did?
No. We haven't. Why? I hear you not ask, because we are lazy. Either that or we are in an eternal rush for some unknown reason. I say this because; to us young people we live under the philosophy that as long as the message gets across then the spelling, punctuation and grammar is irrelevant. To show you what I mean I will transcribe a message in "teen-talk" and then translate it for you:
hve u seen da new batman movi? da drk nite rises tis awsum
=
Have you seen the new Batman film? "The Dark Knight Rises" is awesome!
But probably the biggest addition to language that we are responsible for is abbreviations. I will now use one that you will all be familiar with, LOL. This stands for "Laugh Out Loud" (and not "Lots Of Love", which has lead to several awkward funeral cards). It has been used so much in everyday life that it has now been coined as our generation's "word".
But this isn't the only abbreviation that we've started to use; "what about you" becomes "wbu", "just kidding" becomes "JK" and "stfu" means.... you know what, let's just forget about that one. The point is that our generation's contribution to language seems to a result of laziness and our lack to but in any more work then the absolute minimum.
But, then again, who am I to say that this is wrong? How do we know that when Shakespeare first opened with his play in the Globe he wasn't derided as an idiot in the way we've done with the cast of "Geordie Shore" and "Big Brother".
Maybe next century someone will write a piece acknowledging abbreviations and spelling words phonetically as the way of the future. Unlikely, but who knows?]]>