2013-05-21T06:51:03-04:00 Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=kelly-holgate Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Kelly Holgate Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2528841 2013-01-22T16:35:15-05:00 2013-03-24T05:12:02-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Celebrity Big Brother house was sheer genius. Since day one they have admitted they do not really like people, that they want to win, and that they want to be informed if any of their housemates ever enter America.

While watching the show with my friends, they all say the same thing about Speidi; "why are they there if they aren't going to get on with everyone else and join in the tasks?" Now I would love to see Spencer dressed as the Statue of Liberty just as much as the next person, but the fact that they are rebelling and playing the game better than any celebrity contestant has ever even attempted, more than makes up for the lack of fancy dress and fun.

Do I think this kooky couple are actual bullies? no; even though they denied Clare from Steps her letter from home, then clapped and laughed about it. The nature of the show itself is one big game, and we all remember the first ever show on Channel 4, which saw Nasty Nick rake in the viewers as he was caught writing down nominations. Since then I have yet to see a baddie crop up among the wannabe glamour models, good looking geezers and fame hungry failures.

Speidi have admitted they would do reality TV until the very end; after all it is where they began on the hit show The Hills. I don't think any of their fellow housemates have seen the show, and if they had then the shock realisation that this royal reality couple are all about themselves, wouldn't be that much of a shock at all. During the series, which ran over six seasons and ended in 2010, Spencer broke up the rock solid friendship of Heidi and Lauren, while also spreading a false sex tape rumour about the poor girl, and also drove her Mum, sister and anyone close to Heidi completely out of her life. So seeing him cook up plans to win and put down his fellow housemates is his way of being nice; scary stuff.

Big Brother knew they wanted to cause a rift between Speidi and the rest of the house, which is why they chose to show them bad mouthing the housemates in the blogger task (erm where was my invite guys?) as everything was going so nice and the air had been cleared. It seems peace, harmony, laughter and people getting on makes for boring TV...

Do I think they will win? No. Would I like them to win? No. But I would like to see them in the final two with Rylan, as the awkward silence and fake hugs would be better than his X Factor performances and Christmas come at once.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2450730 2013-01-10T19:15:45-05:00 2013-03-12T05:12:02-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Braveheart taught me how to Longbow? Yeah, it was just after I completed a record time on the track at Silverstone and had a boiled egg contest with Gordon Ramsey and Marco Pierre White; Ahh those were the days.

Well Paula 'I can't trust anyone ever again' Hamilton donned her best John McCririck finest and juttered out of the house, to a chorus of 'who are ya.' Let's be honest here; the woman was clearly on the edge before she slid down to the basement, as I have witnessed her arguing with herself and performing the most erratic karate known to man. While everyone may enjoy the odd tall tale now and then, this woman can only be likened to David Guest after five espresso shots.

Elsewhere, Rylan became Crylan as the idea of the outside world's opinion became too much for him to bare. Personally I adore Rylan and cannot fathom why he received such vile abuse during the X Factor; anyone would think he was Christopher Maloney for Christ's sake.

The world's most closeknit couple reached new levels of weirdness, as Heidi refused to take part in a task involving her dear Spency passing various vile objects to Lacey with his bearded mouth; her name may be Banghard, but I doubt she would indulge in any horizontal jogging with a man who dons camouflage as going out attire. Heidi, aka surgery girl, soon swallowed her pride and got her chops round a bulls penis; ada girl.

I'm extremely happy that the Hollywood couple were saved by the great British public, as they can now showcase their true game playing ways die hard Hills fans have been begging to see. They have to tee off and stage a walk out, when really they are going to a newly pimped out basement (wonder if it has a mirrored ceiling?) and manipulate situations with their fellow housemates; basically live the life of a CBB producer while he has a crafty tea break. This scenario brings back memories of the infamous fight night, as Emma and Michelle were banished to the bedsit to watch everyone else, before returning to house far from harmonious.

I love that BB has one back to its creative cruel roots; speaking of roots, is anyone else dying to see Rylan's true ginger side come out again a la X Factor? No? Just me then...]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2421469 2013-01-06T19:00:00-05:00 2013-03-08T05:12:01-05:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Celebrity Big Brother is back to shake off those winter blues, by banishing a bunch of attention hungry stars to a basement to eat left over food and not shower for three days.

It seems Big Brother has gone back to the good old days of dividing the house into rich and poor a la season three with Kate Lawler, which works wonderfully with normal folk, but throw in some pampered people and the game becomes immediately entertaining.

The biggest name in this years house has to be Rylan Clarke; purely because he was sprinkling sequins across our telly boxes a mere month ago. Fellow career flaggers include actress and motorway rumpy pumpy fan Gillian Taylforth, good time girl Tricia Penrose, ex footballer and bum crack flashing fan Neil 'Razor' Ruddock, GG beauty Lacey Banghard, some guy who was in Corrie zillions of years ago, laid back Aussie leg-end Toadey from Neighbours, and reality TV royalty Heidi and Spencer Pratt; oh if only they knew the British meaning behind that word...

As a huge Celebrity Big Brother and reality TV fan, I was very excited to see Speidi enter the house, as back in the Hollywood Hills Spencer is well known for being vindictive, controlling and having a devious streak to rival nasty Nick and his note passing ways.

So far half of the celebs were banished to the basement, and had to eat the leftover food from the luxury house above; while also enjoying Razor's delightful undercrackers and Paula Hamilton's crazy 'I cannot breathe down my left side' trick in the early hours, just so she could sneak off to the warmth above her. Speidi refused to mingle with the other housemates, as apparently Spencer doesn't really like other people and already has it in for Rylan for banishing him and his Barbie-esque wife to the basement.

As with any household, I want to see drama; whether that's Rylan kicking off at Spencer for being totes rude and a right Borelow, Gillian tearing in to Tricia for refusing to make her a cuppa, or Claire from Steps having a typical 'I miss my kids and hubby' meltdown, resulting in an early exit.

My love for the show died off slightly with the move to Channel 5, but anything which involves flash bulb and red carpet-loving humans doing cringeworthy tasks reignites my passion quicker than Mark Wright and a bed full of rose petals.

I'm off to get some beauty sleep, as waking up unable to breathe on my left side doesn't half make me a grumpy girl...]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1807851 2012-08-19T19:00:00-04:00 2012-10-19T05:12:03-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ The Jasmine Show or How to be an attention seeker in two days. The former notch post on Simon Cowell's bedpost relished her recent nomination for eviction by throwing a wobbly bigger than Rhian's fun sacks.

It all kicked off on Friday night, when Big Brother decided they had seen enough of the lovey dovey air kissing fakery, and wanted to destroy a group who were getting on pretty darn well for pampered celebrities. Housemates were forced to choose one person to face the chop, as the Nom bomb was dropped face to face. The thing that grinds my gears about this is the cop out reasons which people choose, such as 'I haven't really spoken to them much' or 'they have kids and are probably missing them', and it seems Jasmine champions my views, after kicking off royally at Prince Lorenzo after his kiddy reasons.

While her reasons for being mad were founded, what ensued was over 2 hours of drama, swearing and ridiculous sunglasses being worn indoors; if I wanted to endure such drivel I could pop ITV Player on and watch TOWIE on catch up. After a huge fallout, most normal folk would take some time to reflect and release what a twat they have actually been, but to our Jasmine. Instead she decided to be nothing but a bully to Danica; who admitted to receiving gifts from men in return for phone calls and pictures, by calling her an escort and claiming her folks should be ashamed of her.

Watching this reminded me a little of the Shilpa/ Jade feud, as it was uncalled for bullying, but Jasmine soon apologised after realising that Danica had lost her Mum when she was only 14. Was it a game plan to change opinion on the outside world? Who cares, as Jasmine entered the house as a vile person and can do little to change this perception, especially with her card marked for eviction night.

This weekend also saw Big Brother creating a talent agency, with the two queens of the house, Julie and Julian, acting as talent scouts. Cringes worthy moments; which had me watching between my fingers and wondering what else must be on TV, included Martin Kemp acting out the lyrics to 'Gold' in an Eastenders style scene, Danica walking like a crab in her pants, Rhian claiming that 20% of 100 is 5, and Cheryl having some sort of balaclava acting fit.

While Big Brother are masters at creating drama, I do miss the good old days when tabloids were clambering over themselves to print the latest goings on for the morning papers, but now the show is lucky to get a half page mention; it's a good job I am here to keep the buzz, erm alive...]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1795747 2012-08-17T08:34:55-04:00 2012-10-17T05:12:09-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
Steve Kemp; or Ross Kemp to the fruitely pyjama clad Julian Clary, hit the nail on the head last night, by saying "There's a little too much eye contact at the moment, as everyone has their party faces on." My party face includes a glint in the ey, possibly due to the loose false eyelash tickling my brow, and a puzzled look as I compare my outfit to every other female in the room; but I'm pretty sure King Kemp wasn't talking about this with his stellar point. Speaking of parties; Big Bro rewarded Bassett Hound in drag, aka Julie, and 'You'll always be Hev to us and everyone else' Cheryl, for their grand soap performance earlier in the night with a soap themed party, which surely only confused The Situation's situation even more.

The producers are very clever in terms of creating potential romance between the celebs, and I can already see sparks a flying between Prince Lorenzo and Danica, oh and Jasmine too; or was that just fear in his eyes as she discussed her wild child ways, but does anyone actually know the wildest thing she's done? But I also spot a little loving between The Situation and Danica; could they be 'smooshing' (Jersey Shore term for getting ones leg over) before the three weeks of mayhem are over?

A personal favourite Big Brother ritual of mine comes when the celebs begin to mingle, which soon turns in to clics being formed, and then follows the bitching. This was apparent last night, as poor little topless model Rhian spoke of her pain after being outed as the girl who Vernon Kaye got his sleaze on with. Now, I did feel for the girl when she revealed the horror of being bottled and abused in the street, but surely she could read the tone of his texts and understand that this was a married man very much in the public eye, and she claims to be an intelligent model, but we have yet to see this come alive. But I better not say much more, or I'll be in Jasmine's hit list just below Samantha Brick.

Another housemate flagging up on my radar is MC Harvey, who tries too hard to be the Mr Nice Guy of the house, but this bloke could buy me a kitten, donate all his money to charity and pledge never to rap again; I would still place him down in the sewers with the other rats. Get it Harvey? Got it. Good.
My predictions for this series include a kiss or two between Danica and Prince Lorenzo, a proper barney between Julie and Jasmine, Coleen having a Vanessa Feltz style breakdown and wanting to go home, Martin Kemp becoming the Dad of the group, The Situation flashing his abs more times than I can count and Cheryl reaching breaking point as one celeb too many calls her Heather.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1785026 2012-08-15T19:00:00-04:00 2012-10-15T05:12:02-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Big Brother. Now, as a blogger, and a BB one at that, this is surely a hangable offence, but the thought of watching fame-hungry people who you probably sit next to on the peasant wagon everyday filled me with despair; at least with the celebrity version you are witnessing those who have tasted fame in a last ditch attempt to salvage their 'careers.'

Speaking of flagging careers, this show is a huge money earner for botox face of the year, Mr Brian Dowling, who entered the not so crowded launch show in an explosion of topless dancers and sequins; probably stolen from Julian Clary's case. I remember the Davina days, when people were scrambling over each other to even get within 10 feet of the Big Brother house, now they are probably paid to attend as crowd fillers.

So who do we have in the house this time around? Well I made a 'cast' list prior to the show kicking off, which included a comedian, glamour girl, bitch, bad lad, arrogant guy and at least two people who you need to Google more than once. Well big ticks were made against all of the above, as camped crusader Julian Clary sauntered down the runway in spectacular fashion, sexter Rhian Sugden's boobs entered first, followed by her face 10 minutes later, stick bodied Janice Dickinson wannabe, Jasmine Lennard, teetered into the house shaking like a shitting dog, and underwear model Danica waltzed in like a wannabe princess who pays for nothing. Bad lad Ashley McKenzie was placed there to obviously keep the Olympic spirit alive; Mo Farrah was probably too busy running away from things (mainly the invite to enter the house) to even care, and the arrogant spot was filled by my favourite housemate, The Situation. For those who don't know about Mike, he is well known for flashing those abs and causing arguments in his Jersey Shore house, so I'm hoping he kicks off pretty soon and fight night part deux, avec le celeb can commence.

Other residents of Chez CBB include Julie Goodyear, who fell into a Primark sale rail and had a fight with every item of clothing, Cheryl Fergison aka Enders Hevva, So Solid's MC Harvey, who must be gutted the wrong Cheryl entered the house, Prince Lorenza who is a cheap rate Luke Wilson, Loose Woman Colleen Nolan, mega fan Martin Kemp and journalist Samantha Brick, who walked into the house like she had soiled herself.

Cheryl and Julie were the first two to enter the house, and were soon told by Big Bro to create a real life soap opera, by following the instructions given via earpieces. What followed were scenes of Cheryl telling fellow housemates that Julie had slept with her ex boyfriend when they were together, which ended in a fake argument and a drink being thrown. Now you may detect some boredom in my tone of writing, but it is more sadness, as I remember the days when the drama wrote itself and did not have to be directed like one big episode of The Truman Show.

Will I carry on watching? Yes. Am I just doing it for something to write about? No. As I feel Big Brother is the reality show that started all the ones we witness today, and also played a huge part in creating this instant fame culture that we all seem to adhere to these days; it's interesting that stars turn back to it in order to regain actual validated fame, well those who aren't famous for flashing the odd nip here and there anyways...

Personally I am angry that the garden has yet to be opened; I only tuned in to see Julian have sex with the jacuzzi.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1269705 2012-02-10T19:04:55-05:00 2012-04-11T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
I believe most people would like to have a taste of fame, and I am guilty as charged to that crime, but I would like to be recognised for my writing ability and not for appearing on Prancing On Ice as a failed X Factor contestant who once slept with a footballer. These days we are bombarded with reality TV shows, such as TOWIE, Geordie Shore, Jersey Shore, Desperate Scousewives and Made In Chelsea, all of which feature people with half a brain cell and are on-going adverts for those who can't really be bothered with school and just wannabe a Z-lebrity.

I recently witnessed a grown woman crying in a velour tracksuit and face full of make-up, after finding out that her boyfriend had been sending saucy emails to other women; unfortunately my life isn't that exciting, and I am of course talking about The Only Way Is Essex.
Before I unleash my fury, I must admit I am a fan of the show and the ridiculous 'real life' scenarios, but did I have the runs on the day where 'how to get on TV for being a complete nobody' was taught in my school? It's no wonder that teenage girls have more interest in being glamour models and WAGS than getting a proper career, when they are surrounded by fakery at every flick of a channel.

Anything in this life takes hard work, but would someone please tell me what is hard about sticking some spiders legs to your eyes, shoving water balloons down your top, rolling your face in foundation and moaning about how your ex was 'Muggin' you off dahn Sugahut the ova nyght.' What annoys me the most when it comes to reality TV stars is how they suddenly become experts in fields they know nothing about, such as fashion, or even worse- Journalism.

I worked damn hard for my degree, and still plug away every day now to get to the top of my game, but perhaps if I had transformed myself in to a Barbie doll and knobbed a few famous people I could of saved myself the tuition fee and had my own column in OK! Magazine. Yes, celebs sell those types of magazines, but when all they seem to talk about is what they had for dinner and how they don't agree with the latest celeb affair it riles me up and makes me want to chuck my shiny degree in the nearest bin.

Today's young women would rather spend £4000 on some brand new T & A, rather than a BA Honours degree; a truly depressing thought, but who do they have to look up to? An abundance of nobodies, like Imogen Thomas of Big Brother and bedding an even bigger brother fame, Amy Childs for stealing Jordan's life, and the girls of Geordie Shore who are famed for sleeping around and getting hammered; something which I did at University but I still have to queue to get in nightclubs.

Am I a fan of reality TV? Of course, but today's shows have reached a new level of ridiculousness; the drama, fakery and scripted scenarios sort of defeat this whole REAL-ity notion of these programmes. My heart still belongs to the early days of Big Brother, when people entered it with no idea if the potential fame and crappy nightclub PA's that awaited them.

Frankie Cocozza is a prime example of someone playing the fame game, and he has openly admitted to wanting to be famous. Since causing a storm on the Fix Factor, he has been front page fodder and bagged a spot on Celebrity Big Brother; all because his tattooed arse and bedroom antics gave him an edge over contestants who could actually sing. Fair play to the lad, but I live in hope that the young generation realise that unless you actually possess talent on a scale of a Hollywood actor or top Sports person, then prepare for your 'career' to flat line pretty sharpish.

For me fame is like money; earned through hard work for doing something worthwhile, but this message won't be broadcast for a long while; until then the only way is resentment for me.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1239093 2012-01-28T12:55:00-05:00 2012-03-29T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Celeb Big Bro was always honest and upfront with me, this was never going to be a long term thing, but it didn't stop me getting emotionally involved and attached. One by one they left me, until an "Ulkira" was pulled when Denise was announced as the winner.

Was the UK's loosest woman a worthy winner? It's a yes from me, as she was the perfect housemate; giving us laughter, drama, tears and tits. I must find out her make up tips, as I am attending a Priscilla Queen of The Desert themed party in the next few weeks.

Nice guys obviously do finish last, as Gareth claimed the bronze and fun time Frankie Panky clinched the silver as well as a change of public opinion at the same time. I give it a week before pictures of him covered in his own sick, being thrown out of a Lahdan hot spot with Kirk Borecross , are splashed across The Sun front page. Michael once said that Frankie "has the tiger by the tail"; the only tail he'll be holding is his own after getting no action in the house.

The final saw the return of the booted out celebs, and it's nice to see that Natasha was sporting her favourite colour of red; who'd of Imogened she could pull such a bold move...

Natalie Cassidy obviously didn't receive the 'every girl must wear a bodycon dress' memo prior to the final. It seems if you have a plastic chest, a 12 year old boys waist and no ass then you simply have to hop aboard the TOWIE conveyor belt of beauty and hoist yourself in to one of those tight creations; you won't be able to breathe but damn you'll look fiiiinnnneee.

Each series of Big Brother has its memorable moments, but when celebrities are involved it enters a whole new level of entertainment. If three weeks ago someone had told me that Michael Madsen would accuse Denise Welch of being 'emotionally disturbed', that Denise would offend a Playmate by pulling her pants down, that Frankie would get no action, that Romeo would be duller than Georgia's personality and that Andrew Stone would go down like a lead balloon (actually I figured that one out for myself) then there would be more chance of Amy Child's getting a second series than me believing that.

Big Brother may have lost a fair few viewers since hopping over to Channel 5 and losing Davina "Don't say f**k or bugger" McCall, but it continues to be drama that writes itself. Yes, they are given tasks and put into awkward situations, but this is the name of the game to fast track you to fame; if you haven't performed a lewd act while drunk or cried like a baby fully clothed in the shower for millions to see, then you are never going to gain VIP club access or take Brian Dowling's job.

Dithering Dowling was very obviously nervous during the live final, and he shouldn't jot down 'interview skills' on his CV just yet, but his camp quips and innuendoes do tick all the right boxes for me; nothing to do with me being a huge fag hag of course.

Favourite moments of the final for me were realising that the twin's bums remind me of a duck, and Frankie's admission that he doesn't like Andrew Stone; the Starman was trying to laugh it off but you just know he hit the after party bar hard while constantly referring to himself in the third person.

We have a fair few months to wait until the next round of Big Brother, and I have decided not to enter as earlier today a homeless man kept perving on my behind as I was withdrawing some money, and it made me feel so uncomfortable I cannot imagine the prying eyes and chorus of boos as I totter down the runway before entering the house of horrors; I'll leave that to the wannabe Jordan's and Joey Essex's.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1232418 2012-01-25T19:00:00-05:00 2012-03-26T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
Tonight also saw Nicola McMean get the boot, which she truly deserved for being one of those women who will kiss you on the cheek but hold a gun to your back. I know what it's like to be insecure, and she definitely falls short of that category by a long mile. She remained secure in her leopard print Barbie doll dress and six inch heels; I'm pretty sure Michael has been giving away his animal print clothing, as Dowling was sporting a grrrrreat tie.

Prior to this evenings events; I won't sleep tonight knowing that the only way I can gain access to Romeo's mug is by reliving his So Solid videos on YouTube, the housemates were coping with the aftermath of Pant Gate. When I say coping, I do of course mean ignoring each other, smoking like chimneys and peeling the hell out of a poor potato. Romeo chose to play house mediator, and during my day job as a receptionist for a Barristers firm I know how goddamn boring mediators can be; I live in hope that Romey will saunter through my works door, salute me and tell me I am 'blessed.' Mr Smooth tried telling the twins that Denise wasn't a bad person, well unless you give her a lager and add Michael in the equation.

Once the drama had died down, the housemates began name dropping like David Gest in the jungle. Denise turned the conversation back to her, bragging how she partied with Robbie Williams and was next to Victoria Beckham on a flight from LA; oh how the other half live. Well my dear Denise, your fellow housemate Frankie follows me on Twitter after a blog I wrote for this very site, so that makes us pretty much, erm, even.

The final is only two days away, which makes me sad as my Big Brother blogging days are coming to an end. If I were a betting woman, my money would go on Gareth, as he has shown his true personality and I 100% believe he has been genuine; not a mean feat after coming out of that closet a short while ago. The twins must honestly believe they have a shot of winning, and who can blame them after managing to stay in tonight; dreams of movies, calendars and a slot on Loose Women will fill their heads tonight, which makes a change from Frankie's lewd comments and a whole lot of air.

Big Brother is looking for new recruits this summer and I have been loosely toying with the idea, but then I remember that the world and his wife would see me make-up less, drunk, emotional, on the toilet, and no amount of Heat magazine exposure would ever persuade me to be that open in front of the nation's prying eyes.

I heart Big Brother, but the instant celebrity element of it does wind me up immensely, as I see former contestants landing gigs as presenters, and worst of all writers. Granted, you take every opportunity you can when fame lands in your lap, but if being famous for getting slaughtered and getting your leg over is the definition of a celebrity then I'd of been in OK! years ago.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1224933 2012-01-23T19:00:00-05:00 2012-03-24T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
It all started when the housemates were rewarded with booze when Frankie successfully spelled five bee related words. It became a game of Angry Bees, as Frankie struggled with some pretty simple words; perhaps spelling the names if all the girls he has knobbed would have been easier, but this is only an hour-long show and the clock was already ticking.

The twins and Nicola began to form their own human centipede, leaving Denise feeling lonelier than Frankie's schlong. With the booze a-flowing, the girls began to bond and let their hair extensions down, until Denise supped too much lager and done what pretty much any Brit would do; pulled down Karissa's pants just to see the butt implant scars. This pathetic argument escalated faster than Andrew Stone's mood swings, and the next minute Denise is having a breakdown, Frankie is being told to shut up every 10 seconds, and Nicola is lying at the top of the stairs like an emotionally unhinged leopard; where's my tranquiliser dart...

Denise certainly did embarrass herself on national TV, and made sure that everything went tits up for the second time in a row. The blokes had no clue what to do, as Nicola's two faces came out to play; both of them stuck to the twins million dollar assets.

The twins actually believe they can sue Big Brother for the smallest glimpse of flesh, when they strut round the house with their juicy doubles on display more often than they realise. It's actually laughable that women who pose topless or nude have a problem with someone jokingly pulling down their pants. Yes, it may not make them whores or an easy target, but come on, this is Big Brother. But remember that us Brits have a much more liberal view on T n A than the Yanks; Janet Jackson and nipple gate anyone?

In those argumentative situations I am craving Romeo to spit some bars, or for Frankie to sing his god awful rendition of Rihanna's 'What's My Name.' Anything to break the squawking from the resident Angry Birds. I feel those group of girls give women a bad name, and Nicola has shown her not so squeaky Mclean side by forming her own Mean Girls entourage with the twins. But remember folks, she has only slept with three people, which is the definition of a nice person of course.

I don't agree with the young'uns ganging up on Denise, but she bought it on herself, and what on earth must her poor sons think? I can imagine the letter she received from home would of tipped her over the edge, and I'd bet my Frankie Cocozza fan club badge on her giving a tell all account of her time in the Big Brother house.

Frankie to win in my eyes, as Romeo is Dunn and Michael is stuck in the middle with Denise. ]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1222234 2012-01-22T19:00:00-05:00 2012-03-23T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
One bug I am happy to have is the Big Brother one, as I have fallen back in love with the show; reminding me of the Dowling days and the excitement of eviction nights. Brian Dowling is a perfect example of why people apply to the show in the first place, with a goal of gaining instant fame and eventually landing a column in OK! magazine; hmm perhaps I should give it a go this summer...

So, Georgia and her stunning looks have left the house, leaving Kirk with only his pillow and Frankie to dry hump. During her exit interview she revealed that Kirky boy actually has a girlfriend waiting on the outside, but I am not really surprised at his behaviour and think that any man would have a bash at Little Miss Kim Kardash. For me, Kirk is the perfect example of a modern day man who still lives at home and doesn't really have a clue about the real world; he also doesn't know how to speak properly, as when asked if he had enjoyed his time in the house so far he mumbled "I've done so good in the Big Bruvva." The future's bright, the future's Norcross.

Soon to follow the boob on a stick out of the door was Kirky boy himself, who admitted he wanted to get back with his porn star girlfriend and that breaking up with her was the biggest mistake ever. But remember, this is coming from the mouth of a guy who dumps women on television and doesn't know where America is.

Shock of the week: Natalie Cassidy leaving the house, after the twins received a chorus of boos bigger than their own egos. Natalie hit the nail on the head by saying they are the most confident girls she has ever encountered, and the amount that they love themselves is enough to have me heaving again. I'll be the first to admit when a girl is pretty, and yes obviously they are easy on the eye but in a very obvious way with nothing but silicone, peroxide and bitchiness when you scratch the superficial surface; saucer of milk for me I think.

The Denise and Michael drama rages on, with him labelling her as 'emotionally disturbed' during the live face-to-face nominations. I don't know if it's sexual tension or just plain obsession, but Denise clearly has a thing for Mr Blonde and watching her play out those insecurities makes my own problems fade in to the background more than Romeo's personality.

Come on Romeo, up your game! I remember swooning over him during those So Solid days and imaging what we could do in 21 seconds, but during his time in the house I am yet to see any of that bad boyish behaviour. I simply cannot put up with Frankie's sexual slurs any longer, and him asking the twins to put a condom on him with their bum cheeks is something The Inbetweeners would like some credit for.

The final is nearly upon us, and I will be sad to see the back of this random bunch of Z-lebs, but who will win? Does anyone really care in the grand scheme of things? The bookies are backing Gareth, but being a not so secret Cocozza fan I would love him to sneak up from behind and surprise us all; a normal Saturday night for Frankie then.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1207852 2012-01-15T18:39:23-05:00 2012-03-16T05:12:02-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Limitless with Bradley Cooper? You know the film where he goes from ming to sha-ting by taking a pill? Well he is uber gorgeous in it and that is why I missed the first 15 minutes of Celebrity Big Brother this evening. I was mesmerised by his piercing blue eyes, his rock hard abs and the fact that he plays a struggling writer.

Anyways, the fact that I missed the first 15 minutes doesn't really mean too much, as this series reminds me of my last relationship; full of excitement and false promise that it was actually going somewhere. But the snap, crackle and pop is slowly fading on the Big Brudda hoose, and not even the prospect of seeing Denise's sagging udders could save it from a slow and painful demise. I remember the days when Big Brother was splashed over the front pages of every tabloid, with the Sun having exclusives at every angle and gagging to interview the latest evictee. Now they are lucky to feature in the news in brief and receive a mention in anything that isn't a piss take of the show and its format.

Dry-lights of tonight's show included Kirk and Frankie's bromance reaching new heights, as they cuddled on the sofa and scurried across the bedroom in nothing but their underpants, Denise and Michael going at it like a married couple who need a good shag to clear the air, and the sight of Georgia with zero make up looking as beautiful as I do after applying ever Mac product ever made to my face.

Denise may be on the verge of a Vanessa Feltz style melt down, after crying while crawling through a load of treacle, but she was soon smiling again after getting to share a single bed with Ro-me-o. I'm not at all jealous of this, not one bit; I mean what is there to be jealous of? The green onesie? The close proximity as Romeo slowly spooned her late into the night? The way that onesie was slightly unzipped to show the right amount of man cleavage? Nope, not at all bothered by seeing that in high definition on my screen right before my very own bedtime.

While Romeo may enjoy Denise's company, I bet poor old Michael wishes he could cut both his ears off to save himself from her constant verbal assault upon his person. I doubt very much he will be appearing on Loose Women in the near future.

The twins and Georgia were discussing nominations; a brilliant decision by the Big Brother gods, and declared that Kirky boy would be next on their hit list. They were right about one thing, he does have a tendency to turn on girls if they annoy him or mainly reject him (so all the time then) and I hope he does Kirk-off when the shit hits the fan during nomination revelation time.

Oh and for those of you who were wondering, Gareth's Tub Tunes is released tomorrow. Including the classic floor smasher We Found Fame In A Hopeless Place.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1206663 2012-01-15T10:43:51-05:00 2012-03-16T05:12:02-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
Before Natasha was booted out, she made a pact with Kirk that she would snog him if the pubic wasted their money and decided to keep her in. Nicola was asked to join in but proudly declared that she had a husband and couldn't do that; fast forward two hours and 20 wines later, only to find Little Miss Not So Squeaky Mclean getting her flirt on in the hot tub with serial shagger Frankie.

As the housemates played truth or dare; a staple game for any drunken affair, Frankie posed the question every girl wants to hear, "If you were single would you just shag the hell out of me right now?" While I and every other girl in the UK was busy wiping up vomit from their shoes, Nicola got up close and personal to the Cocozza (anyone else imagining he smells like a pissed soaked old man after a three day bender?) and did the old cock tease close lip technique before whispering 'yes.' Looks like Nicola may be joining Natasha in the Ex Footballers Wives club in the next couple of weeks.

These celebs should know from previous series that the hot tub always equals drama; anyone remember the Makosi and Anthony babygate drama? Did they? Didn't they? Well I'm pretty sure Frankie didn't give Nicola one, although with his wank only lasting three minutes and 17 seconds we could of blinked and missed it.

Ever since his X Factor debut, and admission to bedding 91 women, I have been wondering what it is about Cocozza that gets the girls going; it's obviously not his dating technique or Pilsbury Dough Boy physique. I would like to follow Frankie on a night out and see exactly what it is that leaves the girls going wild; three Sambucas and guaranteed a kiss n tell with the Sun perhaps?

One man who knows how to treat a lady is Mr Romeo Dunn; the type of guy you want to run bare foot along the beach with while pretending you are in a J Lo video. Not only can he treat women like, erm, women, but he knows when to swoop in and remove you from those drunken situations that teeter on becoming the car crash moment of the evening. Every girl needs a Romeo in her life, and one lady in particular might want some so solid romance from him rather than having Kirk dry hump her leg as he shouts' Do ya like me then ya doughnut?' I wonder if Romeo would utter 'Romeo DUNN' after giving her a good seeing too a la Gordon RamsAy...

Oh and for the record Denise, for dinner tonight I had chicken pasta salad with a side of arsenic; a repeat of Loose Women was just about to start at the time.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1205548 2012-01-13T19:00:00-05:00 2012-03-14T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/
Poor old Frankie was a victim of Jedward's handy work, when they dared the bland blondies to chuck his clobber in the pool; it's the only chance he has to getting the twins wet so he really should of rolled with it.

Tonight saw the eviction of Natasha Giggs, and a couple of things spring to mind when I cast an eye over her exit; did she really manage to change a nation into thinking she was a nice person, when she was seen in bed with Kirk flashing a nipple, and do celebs have some sort of training in how to walk in seven inch heels? If so I need to get me in on that master class action.

My mind is torn on Ms Giggs; one minute I feel sorry for her and the next I cannot understand how she kept up such a sordid secret for so long. But the surprise of the series is the blossoming friendship with fellow WAG Nicola Mclean, which I also have trouble believing is genuine. We'll see if Nicola introduces Tasha to her hubby at the show wrap party...

One thing I am very disappointed by is the lack of airtime Romeo is getting. Not only is he well buff and ting, but his voice soothes me before bedtime and I really want him to do something interesting so my myth of fit guys having no personality is smashed into pieces. So far I have only seen him dressed as a pig and working on his guns in the gym, hardly compelling viewing and barely enough to make two minutes worth of footage to put together a shred of best bits. But with a house based on drama he will never get a look in unless he creates a toxic atmosphere, so I feel a nasty Big Brother task coming soon.

I feel like producers know the show is a bit of a dead duck, and they have to create false drama for it to be in the slightest bit entertaining. They wanted Natasha and Nicola to tear into each other, Natalie to feel insecure around all the fake women, Frankie to have sex live on air and Georgia to string an actual sentence together. But with none of this happening they rely on the tasks to force arguments, when it is always better if this comes naturally. Bring back the days of Dowling, where it was good wholesome family fun, banter and arguments about going nine pence over budget with the shopping. Ahh, good times.

For me, the star of this year's show is Mr Marcus Bentley, aka the Geordie voiceover for Big Brother. He has been doing his job for so long that now he finally gets to take the piss a little, by saying what we are all thinking, and my highlight has to be from Thursday's show, where Michael was shaving and accidently cut near his ear. Queue Marcus and "Michael has had an ironic shaving accident" comment; TV gold that Andrew Stone would pay for.

I'm still holding out for Frankie's TV moment, as he has to do something to cling on to his 15 minutes of fame, or maybe he thinks he will be the next X Factor judge like Andrew did. Come on Cocozza, crack on with those birds and let's 'av it!
]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1202943 2012-01-12T19:00:00-05:00 2012-03-13T05:12:01-04:00

Kelly Holgate http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kelly-holgate/ Come Bitch With Me instead.

Big Bro loves to put the cat amongst the pigeons, and last night was no exception. Poor old Georgia, she barely had time to sneak off with Kirk for a celebratory snog when she was called to the dairy room to choose two of her fellow housemates to face the public vote this Friday. She spat out Natasha and Nicola's name faster than one of those blonde twins spat out that porridge. Queue he fake hugs and repeats of 'Don't worry hun its fine, honestly.' Yeah, it's about as fine as Andrew Stone is after being evicted; hope someone is watching him during the night.

Truths come out in the BB house quicker than Ryan Gigg's moves on to his next brunette bombshell, and last night saw Georgia, like totally find out that like, Nicola had said mean things about her. OMFG! Like a scene from Mean Girls, the killer looks shot across the living room as Georgia struggled to accept the fact that she does actually have nothing about her apart from her legs, lashes and knowing what Calum Best is really like in the sack. Nicola is a born liar and a huge coward, I mean what does she actually do apart from display her sagging boob job and have her picture taken with Peter Andre for OK! Magazine?

I've obviously been watching Natalie Cassidy too long as my inner biatch is coming to the surface, as last night she said how the twins were pretty, but she has seen prettier girls. In my opinion she is speaking the truth, but it fascinates me how women put each other down and slyly slag each other off, but then wrap their arms around one another to seal the bond of womanhood.

Kirk continues his charm offensive on Georgia, but after having the Best surely nothing can ever compare. He offered to take her on a date, complimented her legs and then pointed that her boob was hanging out; my heart is skipping a beat Georgia and if you don't get in there then I sure as hell will. I fancy a night out down the Sugarhut with Essex's biggest daddy's boy.

Before Michael and Denise's bust up I asked myself 'what on earth could Hollywood's bad boy and the UK's loosest women possibly argue about?' My money was on Michael admitting he had seen Loose Women and asking Denise if they ever have buckets on hand in case the women get too loose. But alas they just had the world's most pathetic argument and both went to bed angry like a couple in a sexless marriage, or Ryan Giggs and his wife to you and me.

I'm off for a tidy round as since I started watching the show my bedroom has started to resemble the housemates; no, not garish and full of egos, but a right old mess. ]]>