2013-05-26T05:10:39-04:00 Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=rosa-doherty Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Rosa Doherty Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2519229 2013-01-21T07:30:17-05:00 2013-03-23T05:12:01-04:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
Especially as our sexual landscape is changing and we are facing new challenges.

The sex tape/naked photo/sexy text, or as I like to call it "sext", be it verbal or visual, has surged in popularity, largely due to the digital age we are living in. Celebrities are exposed via Twitter, some doing so quite obviously for publicity, others quite clearly not, and couples keeping the long distance love alive.

There is no denying that it has never really been seen to damage a celebrity's profile, but what about the feelings or integrity of the ones who never intended for us to see them that way? We may say they have been stupid to send the pictures out into the world, but do we ever really consider that they really didn't want this. Or are we so desensitized to celebrity that we don't need to credit them with the same human emotions as you or I would if our private texts, long distance screen shots and emails, popped up in our Facebook feeds?

I only know a small percentage of the horror this might induce myself as I recently accidentally uploaded my entire iPhone's contents to my own Facebook and actually died inside at the thought of my peers seeing my potential day by day life in pictures over the past year. Imagine your own phone's picture content up online for all to see? I doubt there isn't at least one thing in our phones we wouldn't be traumatised at the thought of our Facebook friends seeing.

It is not just affecting celebrities, there are school girls whose explicit pics are being spread among their peers in BBM chat groups, often resulting in trolling. Trolling, the passive aggressive bullying online that can result in devastating and destructive scenarios affects celebrities and young teenagers the same. We recently read the shocking and heartbreaking story of the Bullied 13-year-old girl who fell 60ft to her death 'after mobile phone footage of her being forced to perform a sex act was passed around her school'

As adults in relationships, we all 'sext', varying degrees of sexting depending on what we are comfortable with, enjoy/ or want. Some claim to never doing it, and until recently I may have accepted this with little or no argument, until accidentally stumbling upon my own mum's stash of Sexts. I KNOW!

Luckily, bar the immediate horror and the violent flinging of the brand new iPad half way across the living room on a quiet Sunday afternoon, I was able to laugh to myself at the irony. Something that quite clearly shows technology is unavoidably and undoubtedly changing the way sexual relationships are experienced and enjoyed across age groups, but I don't find any humor, only horror at the fact a 13 year old lost her life because bullies and abuse drove her to endanger herself in desperate attempt to keep a awful thing from going public.

While the take down of celebrities (notably more often female) has brought 'sext culture' to the limelight, it is not a 'celeb' issue, and using women's sexual vulnerability as a tool to entertain or bully through digital means is affecting women of all ages. Consenting and not.

A Channel 4 News investigation reveals: "explicit pics are 'the norm' for teens sending and receiving explicit naked pictures is everyday life for teenagers aged between 13-16 across Britain - and it is changing how they see sex"

So why are we so quick to condemn, point and publicly ridicule legally consenting women who find themselves exposed and ashamed by what may well be new ways, yet still intended to be private ways, of exploring and conducting sexual relationships? And how is this going to impact on the generation Channel 4 are talking about?

What message does it send to young boys and girls starting out on their sexual discoveries? By exposing a celebrity's private sext moments so casually, are we teaching young people firstly that a woman should be embarrassed or ashamed of things they do in private and committed relationships?

David Cameron's new advisor on childhood, Claire Perry MP, says parents should take clearer responsibility for seeing what their children are saying on Facebook and texting on mobile phone, but i'm not sure spying is the answer. Should we not be talking to them about this 'new way' , be we young, old, famous, or not , who seem to be having fun sexually?

Isn't it time we talk 'safe sext' so the risks of trolling and bullying women based upon their sexual experience is not 'the norm' and girls as young as 12 and as old as 60somethings are thinking twice before taking that picture? AND when was the last time a man's sexy picture made its way online in an outcry of embarrassment and shame?

It's time to stamp out bullying online and teach people that firstly a woman's private sexual experiences are not to be used against her as a way of torture or ridicule. Until we as adults and media are shown to set that example how are our own young people supposed to follow suit? The irony in websites that report on the grave effects online bulling in one breath and takes part in online bullying happily the next, confuses me as a adult.

I know I'm not alone in receiving, sending, or having something private, I don't intend for anyone else other than the intended recipient to look over them, in my eyes these are private things meant for only one other person.

While I'm not a celebrity (thank god) if someone wanted to hurt me by making public something that was always intended to be private , on any of the social media platforms, I suppose they could do so with ease among my peers, but why should this be entertainment?

Is it not more of a worry that our 12 year olds are doing it and being taught by our media and own behavior online that using 'sexts' is a acceptable way of ridiculing, trolling and causing hurt to people on a scale incomparable to what used to be just the school playground.

Be we young, old, celebrity or ordinary, people are using new ways of entertaining sexual relationships. These should be done in safe and trusting relationships, and while there is no knowing that one day the person you trust might break that trust, we know we can discuss, teach and change attitudes. Sex should never be used against a women as a tool for punishment. We should be talking about and acknowledging 'Safe Sext' and anti bullying full stop.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2013:/theblog//3.2466512 2013-01-13T06:18:45-05:00 2013-03-15T05:12:01-04:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
Having never been one for faddy diets, but always admiring from afar the easy and seamless approach to it from others with seemingly visible effects on Facebook, and Instagram, pictures portraying invisible waistlines and the like. I was drawn in hook line and sinker when my fellow foodie, breakfast partner and best friend suggested we transform our selvesinto Miranda Kerr-like beings with the 'Master Cleanse'.

"Miranda does it, Beyoncé lost a whole stone doing it for Dream Girls (not that that's why we're doing it), its all Cheryl Cole talks about in her latest auto biography when she feels run down"

AND she does so with such a casual easy, sort of like you or I might talk about making a cup of tea or buying a Kit Kat when we want to de stress and relax she talks aboutmaking her 'Lemonade'.

I, pop the kettle on in times of crisis or when I want to de stress, Chezza, hits the juice with marvellous rejuvenating effects. Apparently.

Maybe it was the fuzz of a new year, tweets about gym time, or conversations about detoxing that swept us into a detox frenzy, but before I knew it we were trailing the isles of Whole Foods asking pissed off shop assistants about grade B maple syrup and cayenne Pepper.

We should have know when the pissed off assistant practically chased us out the store with a sheet of information he had printed on the dangers of 'stupid diets' and why we should REALLY be in Whole Foods, (buying over priced macaroni cheese from the deli counter) OBVIOUSLY. Never the less we didn't and laughed at him with a cocky arrogance, syrup in bag, as we strolled out happy with our 'healthy purchases' .

"He just thinks we're stupid and trying to get skinny what does he know"

I'd like to take this moment to say sorry. Sorry to that floopy haired shop assistant in hemp clothing. We should have listened to you.

Day1: NB- this detox, cleanse, diet call it what you will, by the end of it you'll be calling Nandos and begging them to deliver, is supposed last up to 10 days. Up to 10 days with no solids.

The drink it self, something Cheryl (in my opinion) wrongly calls 'lemonade' is more like curried water with a lemony sweet edge. Not disgusting, but by no means is it 'lemonade'.

You are encouraged to spend the first few days of doing the cleanse at home relaxing. Don't be fooled this is more a safety measure as if you dare to lift a finger with nothing but curried lemon water in your system you're undoubtedly going to be weak and be more likely to faint and fall in front of a train. Remember Miranda Ker does not use the central line.

Hours into to the cleanse on my second cup of lax tea,(which did nothing) and third glass of 'lemonade' I can't confess to being starving in desperate need of food, but I was a far cry from feeling like I was cleansing or doing anything good for my body.

The more I thought about the concept of no solids for up to 10 days, the more I thought about my Grandpa's war stories of surviving on rusty water for 10 days in the Army. I was trying to survive on curried lemonade for 10 days to help my body? To be a better me? To... ? Apart from possibly getting swept away by celebrity stories of success and perfection, I had no answer.

And with that I texted my cleansing partner franticly back and forward while in bed clutching a batch of juice trying to understand how we got to this point, the point where my kitchen was full of lemons and nothing else.

I'm not Miranda Ker god bless her, the vision of perfection, Flaxseed and Goji Berry ambassador that she is. I never will be, nor do I want to be her. I'm actually quite happy being me (when I'm not losing my mind in Whole Foods), and I'd much rather like her pictures on Instagram rather than copy what she does as if I too am a Victoria Secret model.

I'm not Beyoncé, the vision of wondrous female strength and beauty that she is, and actually if was going to be anyone else I'd probably take being her quite happily, if I really had to, but... she was paid in excess of a million to loose weight for Dream Girls and posed with a cheque and career benefits that large I may be more inclined to consider drinking curried water and starving myself for 10 days, but no cheque means no dilemma.

With those stark realisations I poured the 7th cup down the sink took off my PJ's and went to eat, because I like solids, solids are good for you.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1889796 2012-09-17T08:54:09-04:00 2012-11-17T05:12:01-05:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
YOU DID IT WRONG. Is still my all time fave, and gets straight to the point. Forget the science involved in the "You didn't breast feed me therefore our relationship is shit". Or the opposite "You breast-fed me for far too long and now I am a moron unable to leave home". Let alone the intricacies of the "Your own failed relationships/personality defects now mean I'm destined to have failed relationship after failed relationship and its all your fucking fault".

No. Shouting "you did it wrong" at the top of your voice then throwing yourself to the floor in a helpless heap is by far the most simplest and easiest way to deal with the truth about parenting. Philip Larkin had it spot on, "They fuck you up your mum and dad they don't mean to but they do"

I don't believe when you become a parent you set out to intentionally fuck it up. In fact the opposite you set out with the idea "I'm going to do this differently" but what is it about parenting that almost insists you transfer your own horrible flaws onto your children in a transfer of issues wider than the spread of Chlamydia among my own generation?

What is even worse is the undeniable fact, I will, 'fuck it up' too, one day. Hopefully.

Thankfully I've got more than my own reflective childhood experience, I have my experience as a nanny throughout univeristy and the many unpaid labor exploits of a budding broadcaster which have taught me wonderful things about parenting, its allowed me to see how awful and scary it is with the unrealistic joy of handing them back at 6 o'clock and going home to download american TV series. Sans responsibility.

Its allowed me to experience the buying of nappies, the paying for music classes they hate but you pretend they love so they become the next Mozart, and the luxury of having lunches with baby chinos, without the added fear of it being my money I'm spending while we're in a global recession. The expense of children is enough to make fucking it up even more likely. Queue the...... *what if I can't pay for the hippy music classes panic and sense of parent failure.

What about feeling the hideous I've turned my back for two seconds and they've disappeared, shit shit shit shit, I've lost your children shit shit shit * scream * panic. Only to find them in a bush laughing about making you so scared you've turned see-through. Only then do you understand what its like to feel a sense of grateful rage.

Its allowed me to see things I want (a nanny) please god make me rich enough and send Mary Poppins into my life, and the things I don't want. Its also taught me the lovely side to parenting, yes I admit there are clearly rewarding sides, like the funny things they say, or the joy you get from seeing them grow and become mini people with personalities knowing you did that, and the moments of pure love, not the 'I want a extra biscuit before bed time so I'm going to kiss you' love, but the spontaneous moments of magic between a parent and a child.

When I think about one day having my own children, which at the moment I do still want, I can't help but think about the inevitable fact, my grown up child/children will one day be shouting at me "you did it wrong" . This my biggest fear.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1589471 2012-06-15T19:00:00-04:00 2012-08-15T05:12:05-04:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
It was only after watching Louis Theroux's latest documentary on the collapse of the porn industry that I thought about this worrying fact. "The porn industry is the only industry where women are paid higher than men."

In and amongst my tongue in cheek Tweets about porn and sex, something hit home. It's 2012, and the only way to be a high paying female, that is higher paying than a man in the same role, on screen, is to have sex for money rather than pleasure. As a post-feminism baby maybe I've taken the struggle of the older generations for granted, possibly too far detached from what they went through to get here. Here, here where if you want to earn more money than a man you must sleep with one.

With the porn industry becoming even more accessible what does that say about our attitudes to women on our screens, and women and employment? Let alone our attitudes to women and sex.

New research released around international women's day has shown that men still outnumber women on TV two to one, from soaps and drama to newsreaders and reporters. The research, commissioned by Channel 4 for International Women's Day, also shows that younger women are more likely to be featured on TV than those over 40.

Looking at hundreds of hours of footage across channels like BBC1, BBC2, ITV, Channel 4, Five and Sky 1, the researchers found that men now take up 65% of all possible broadcast roles.

As a woman on TV, in front of and behind the camera, (something that is rarer still) because of course we can only look pretty and act the fool, these statistics for the first time don't make me excited about my developing career they make me fearful. Fearful that once I reach 40-something and finally don't care about all the stupid stuff I do now (I think this happens then) that, that is going to be it? Really? Over. All the women I love and admire in TV are either in there 40s, or fast approaching, with age comes experience and wisdom.

Its only after realising this that I thought about my own job and the team I work with, the break down of which is something I have never even considered before, but according to statistics should be unheard of.

Arts360, a arts and culture show on Sky 539 and Virgin 233, immediate team includes two reporters and producers (who film and edit their own content), one exec producer, one project coordinator, and one online producer. Five women in making a program for TV not about women, or anything connected, in fact its far from it. The fact we are all women never even dawned on me as anything significant, and maybe there is something naive and innocent about that?

With that thought I'd like to share Arts360 with you, maybe we can be TV's accidental answer to the increase of women on our screens in front of and behind the camera.

Watch Episode 1



Watch Episode 2

]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1519429 2012-05-15T18:04:27-04:00 2012-07-15T05:12:09-04:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
I've come along way from shouting on the street corner with my boyfriend at 16, smashing my phone in frustration and anger, and crying my eyes out the next. Now I can actually communicate with words that I'm pissed off and I learnt very quickly being that unhappy is not for me.

I've come along way since I found myself in one of those two year 'friendships' (the ones that happen at uni) because I didn't want a 'relationship' relationship. I recognise that was fear. Fear and stupidly liking someone that doesn't like you back.

In our teens we're learning about relationships for the first time with very little explanation of what they are and what they're supposed to be. Most of us have our own parents relationships as a bench mark, and lets be honest the modern family unit has become as confusing for my generation, as finding what supermarket has the best deals on washing powder.

At 20something I've had 3 relationships and 3 not so relationships, and I'm wondering how the first 3 affected the last. I think our relationships do shape our future but its up to us how we let that shape take place.

I spent age 15 to 20 in a relationship. I was a normal teen experiencing young love, I wanted nothing more than to be with my boyfriend, in the awkward no one else matters kind of way, I thought I was grown up and, school, family and friends were not as important as my boy. Not so unusual for a teenager in young love.

At 17 all that changed, when he was sent to prison for 12 months.

I was no longer a normal 17 year old who went out with her friends, my 17th year was spent writing letters, waiting by the phone and traveling hours every other week just to see him. My teen life stopped, my friends disappeared apart from a select few, and I learnt very quickly as a teenager your peers want you to be like them and if you're not, you're on your own. Forget saying no to ketamine, try saying no to hanging out after school because you have to catch the 5 o'clock post to send jail mail.

This is something I've learnt continues as an adult (not the sending jail mail) but, being yourself (if that means going against whats 'normal' ) requires a strength of character that's often difficult to channel. At 17 I learnt how to cope with being judged by my peers, my teachers, my family, and friends, I learnt how not to care. (Or at least pretend not to).

I had a boyfriend in prison, and while this idea might sound somewhat racy and possibly 'prisoners wives' to people in their teens, the reality was much different.

I was labeled boring by friends when I wouldn't come out on Friday night because I had to be up at 6am for a visit on Saturday morning,(something that's stuck with me all my life) when In truth Saturday night drink and drugs just weren't for me. Somewhat ironically it taught me you have to stand up for yourself and what you want and not give in to peer pressure. Go figure.

My first teen relationship taught me a lot about my self, what I wanted from life and who I wanted to be, it taught me about loyalty, and friendship, it taught me about the relationships I wanted, and the relationships I didn't. It taught me I wasn't going to spend my life visiting a prison; it also taught me life isn't always black and white. Most of all it taught me that loving someone is often not enough.

As a teen that was a lot to learn, I know some adults who don't understand relationships or their own feelings in the same way. However have I made the same 'mistakes' in relationships since? Well I haven't had a boyfriend sent to prison, but have I allowed myself to be treated badly in relationships since? Definitely yes. Is that because of my experience as a teen, or, without trying to sound like Tulisa, is it just because I'm young and still learning?

I think, one of our biggest mistakes as people is allowing ourselves to be treated badly, we pass blame too quickly in relationships with he did this to me, she did that, when we are in control of how we want to be treated, and should never tolerate anything less than what we want. We can always walk away.

I think the relationships we have as teens are always carried forward, we learn and grow from all of them we can take away positive things or continue the negative. Me and my friends all have very different teenage experiences but they can all be linked to how we behave in relationships now.

We teach young people all about drugs and sex but miss the vital opportunity to teach them about relationships. Most of us as teenagers, have our first relationship experiences, before we know who we are and many set habits that will effect a lifetime. If we taught young people about relationships and what is a healthy age appropriate relationship for them, I think we'd give them a better chance in life and in love.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1519379 2012-05-15T17:43:40-04:00 2012-07-15T05:12:09-04:00

Rosa Doherty http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rosa-doherty/
I'm all for the saying girls together are strong, in fact I live my life by it, we are strong together, not just girls, but people, unity and togetherness is a wonderful thing, having shared ideologies, dreams, passions and behaviors, but recently it's had me thinking.

Are women bonded over the simple fact we share body parts, and do we have to proclaim love and unity with other women because we all have boobs? Surely this isn't feminism?

Does this mean because I am a woman I must stand in solidarity with that witch of a woman who stole my milk in 1995 (still quite haven't got over the effect Margret Thatcher's reign had on my childhood). Must I stick up for every booty shaking, bits flashing, video diva (god I hate them) using her bum and not her brain even though she has one, just because I am a girl? What about when I want to call my best 'sister' and shout and scream from the top of my voice about the sister who's not a sister at all, in my venting and casual therapy am I ruining the sisterhood?

I have one real (biological) sister and we fight like cat and dog... I'm not sure I want a brood of 'sisters'. They take your clothes; don't talk to you for weeks when you fall out, call you names, but in truth are the ones you rely on when shit hits the fan? I love this Sister, but she's all the sister I need.

I'm a 20something 'sister' and the sisterhood has me well and truly confused, who are my sisters and how does this work? As a post feminist female trying my best to keep the sisterhood alive, ( *voms* ) like many 20something sisters my sisters I had at 15 are not my sisters now. What about the sisters that you thought were your sisters, but weren't? Have I messed up the sisterhood? Have I got it all wrong? The Spice Girls split up, Destiny's child became DC3, Cheryl hates Nadine and I am well and truly confused.

Even more difficult to understand we watch people in general not being very sisterly. In truth people often suck. So you can see how this term has me confused. What about the sucky people? Are they part of the Sisterhood?

Step one: To clear up this mess I propose, a 'personhood' where people are nice to each other, & we support nice people with equal measure man, woman, girlband etc.

Step two: Its ok if you don't like me, man or woman its ok really, and if I don't like you that's ok too. I don't think the world will end. There are lots of people in it and we can't possibly like everyone.

Step three: (Very important) if you are sucky to me, I don't have to unite with you on a solidarity to women level, because, never mind being a woman, you're sucky as a person.

Step four: It's a brave one but boys can be our sisters....I know some great ones really, they'd give other sisters a run for their money!

Rosa Doherty]]>