Sam Parker

Quentin Tarantino's 50 Best Moments, From Reservoir Dogs, Pulp Fiction To THAT Interview

2013-03-22T10:09:38-04:00

Whether it was making the coolest films of the 90s, the most controversial films of the noughties or just being his volatile self on camera, Quentin Tarantino has been entertaining us for over twenty years.

To mark the director's 50th birthday, we're counting down our top 50 Tarantino moments, from the greatest scenes he directed to the best stories he wrote to just our favourite stuff he said outloud.

What will top the list? Scroll down to find out and tell us why we got it wrong. Bad language and violence to follow, obviously...

50. The Shoot Out (Django Unchained)
There's no shortage of Tarantino shoot outs, but this one from 'Django Unchained' may just be the most raw, exciting and, of course, bloody.

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48. Pot Bellies (Pulp Fiction)
“I don't give a damn what men find attractive. It's unfortunate that what we find pleasing to the touch and pleasing to the eye are seldom the same”. True that.

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46. Papp Slap
Tarantino delivers a karate chop to a paparazzo filming him buy a coffee, but manages to keep as cool as Samuel L Jackson when goaded further.

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44. THAT Dance (Pulp Fiction)
Seen at every wedding since 1994.

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42. THAT Dance
...And on Graham Norton years later, thanks to Quentin himself.

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40. The Watch (Pulp Fiction)
Quentin’s knack for writing perfect soliloquies for his actors manifests in an unforgettable scene with Christopher Walken.

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38. “I’m Shutting Your Butt Down!”
Quentin loses it when pressed by Channel 4 about violence in movies.

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36. The Wolf (Pulp Fiction)
A cameo from Harvey Kietel, who teaches gangster movie upstarts Samuel L Jackson and John Travolta a thing or two.

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34. “Why am I Mr. Pink?” (Reservoir Dogs)
Steve Buscemi suffers from an identity crisis.

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32. Getting The Best Out Of Samuel L (Django Unchained)
No actor appears in Tarantino films more often than Samuel L. Jackson. 18 years after first casting him as the coolest character in 'Pulp Fiction', Tarantino brought him back as the despicable Uncle Tom butler Stephen in 'Django Unchained'. It was widely seen as one of the film’s stand-out performances, proving yet again that the actor is never better than with a Tarantino script in his hand

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30. The Walk (Reservoir Dogs)
One of the most iconic scenes in Tarantino’s entire oeuvre – not to mention the 90's cinema as a whole - the intro to 'Reservoir Dogs' is one of the most mimicked moments of any film ever and announced the coolest American director of his generation.

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28. The Sicilian Scene (True Romance)
Tarintino didn’t direct this film, but he did write it. And it contains some of his best-ever dialogue, particularly this unforgetable face-off between Christopher Walken and Dennis Hopper, which Tarantino has described as one of his ‘proudest moments’. If you only watch one of these clips, make it this one.

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26. Natural Born Killers
This 1994 satire of American bloodlust and the media owed much to Oliver Stone’s dizzying directorial flair, but the story belonged to Tarintino in what is arguably the most intelligent and provocative story he’s ever told. This uncomfortable scene starring Rodney Dangerfield received particular praise from critics.

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24. Chicks Who Love Guns (Jackie Brown)
"When you absolutely, positively have to kill every mutha' f**ka in the room..." Etc.

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22. “Cough In Your Goddamn Buck Like Everyone Else” (Reservoir Dogs)
In trademark piece of incidental Tarantino dialogue, the crew debate the politics of tipping.

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20. Pam Grier’s Entrance (Jackie Brown)
Tarantino’s coolest ever lead Pam Grier strolls into Tarantino’s most under-rated film to the sound of 110th Street by Bobby Womack.

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18. Black Mamba vs crazy 88
Probably the goriest scene in all of Tarantino's films, Uma Thurman dispatches 88 ninjas with just a sword (and the odd eye-plucking)

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16. The Truce (Kill Bill Part 1)
Black Mamba (Uma Thurman) pauses her fight with Copperhead (Vivica A. Fox) when her young daughter gets home from school...

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14. Kitchen Kill (Kill Bill Part 1)
...But dispatches her brutally once she is out of the way again.

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12. The Trailer (Death Proof)
Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez's double bill 'Grindhouse' was a wonderful throwback to B-movie exploitation flicks – and nowhere did it feel funnier than in the theatrical trailers

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10. "Quentin Tarantino presents..." (Hostel)
Since becoming an all-powerful Hollywood figure, Tarantino has helped smaller budget or foreign films make the big time – the controversial torture horror flick 'Hostel' being one of them.

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8. Quentin Tarantino Film Festival
Tarantino doesn’t just make films, he loves films – a total movie geek if ever there was one. Which is why he launched his own film festival in 1997.

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6. Hans Landa Entrance (Inglourious Basterds)
In yet another memorable opening scene – this time for being chilling, rather than cool - Nazi Colonel Hans Landa blackmails a French farmer into giving up Jewish civilians hiding under his floorboards.

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4. The Ear (Reservoir Dogs)
The scene that made Tarantino’s name. Michael Madsen’s sadistic psychopath Mr Blonde cuts off his victim’s ear to the jaunty soundtrack of ‘Stuck In The Middle With You’ by Stealers Wheels.

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2. Ezekiel 25-17 (Pulp Fiction)
Samuel L Jackson delivers an entirely unnecessary master class in intimidation to someone he was planning to kill anyway.

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'David Bowie Is' At The V&A (REVIEW)

2013-03-20T09:21:21-04:00

The timing couldn’t be better for an exhibition devoted to David Bowie.

For what could have been merely a tribute to a much-loved heritage act is actually a show about the man of the moment: an album chart topper, who has just renewed himself yet again as a viral marketing genius.

Like the rest of us, the curators of ‘David Bowie Is’ would have been delighted in January when the 66-year-old quietly dropped a new single into the charts, wrong-footing a nation jaded by countless musical ‘come backs’ and their adherent marketing blitzes.

But then, as this beautifully immersive, innovative show points out, timing has always been part of Bowie’s brilliance.

It was he, after all, who landed in the public consciousness by writing ‘Space Oddity’ in the weeks after Britain first saw pictures of the earth from space. That song – written from the perspective of an isolated astronaut that is still as peculiar and powerful today - was chosen by the BBC to accompany their footage of the moon landing, just days after it was released as a single.

At the same moment the world first glimpsed outer space, they glimpsed Bowie. What a perfect entrance for the man who would go on to become our favourite extra-terrestrial for the next four decades, opening our eyes to new worlds with every artistic shape shift he performed.

Like its subject, ‘David Bowie Is’ deploys every creative technique it can to pull you into its world. Video projections dance across huge, inverted set designs. Biographical details nestle amongst rows of vinyl you can flick through like it’s a shop on Carnaby Street in the 70s. Around every corner, mannequins strike a pose in one of the famous outfits Bowie used to create a new character or announce himself on a new stage.

In the centre piece room, you find yourself surrounded by video screens that reach up to the high roof, blasting out iconic festival performances of ‘Heroes’, the soundtrack playing through your headset. But all of this merely forms the background to more than 300 items of Bowie paraphernalia, from photography to tour posters to paintings and sketches. The show manages to be both an exciting trip for people like me who love the hits and the idea of Bowie, and a rich experience for true fanatics who’ll get a thrill out seeing the handwritten lyrics to ‘Rebel Rebel’.

It’s roughly chronological, but without feeling rigid or formulaic. A dark corner pays tribute to Bowie’s black and white period – the three year comedown he spent in Berlin trading intense creative outbursts with Brian Eno and Iggy Pop – while on the other side, a screening room collects some of his more memorable moments as an actor, including a camp turn as the Goblin King in children’s film ‘Labyrinth’.

Video treasures are embedded everywhere, from his single awkward meeting with Andy Warhol in 1971 to the bonkers 1979 performance of ‘The Man Who Sold The World’ on Saturday Night Live to a priceless BBC Nationwide report from 1969, in which a pompous Bernard Falk struggles to hide his incredulity at thousands of girls screaming for a ‘freak with make up’. Bowie’s internal creativity and external fame and influence and brought together in a whirlwind that feels at once meticulously planned and joyfully fluid.

Paying tribute to a living legend, particularly one with as many different personas and as varied an oeuvre as Bowie, was always going to be an enormous task. The show could so easily have been ingratiatingly deferential, too ‘anorak’ or too shallow, a bland biography, or worse, a eulogy.

Instead, the exhibition is more like an impression of Bowie himself: constantly surprising, fun, curious and compelling. Whatever kind of a Bowie fan you are - hell, even you're not - book a ticket now.

'Book Of Mormon' From 'South Park': How Cult Cartoon Potty Mouths Matt Stone And Trey Parker Reinvented Musical Theatre

2013-03-18T07:08:58-04:00

The most eye-catching poster plastered on billboards these past six months has undoubtedly been for 'The Book Of Mormon', the comedy musical that opens in the UK this week.

It’s not so much the amusing image of a leaping Mormon that stands out but the review quotes that run along the top and bottom.

"Sets a new standard for the 21st century Broadway musical," yells Entertainment Weekly. "The best musical of this century,” nods the New York Times. "So f**king good it makes me angry," adds 'The Daily Show's Jon Stewart - these are no single adjectives plucked from the pages of little-known blogs but gushing praise from some of most respected critics in America.

The musical, which tells the story of two young Mormon missionaries on a recruiting drive in Uganda, has been no less of a hit with audiences. After opening in March 2011, 'The Book Of Mormon' spent a year barely out of the top five best-selling shows on Broadway, setting 22 new weekly sales records as audiences paid an average of $170 (£112) per ticket. It barely feels necessary to quote the nine Tony Awards and the Grammy.

But how did a musical comedy about a fringe religion - however good it is – manage to become the biggest mainstream theatre hit of the past decade?

The answer is that its creators are two of the most divisive and controversial comedy writers in the US who have spent the past twenty years facing accusations of corrupting America’s young, enraging world religions and producing ‘the most dangerous show on television’ – 'South Park'.

Surely, then, despite all the plaudits, someone, somewhere is very upset about 'The Book Of Mormon'?

Jesus vs Frosty (1992)

The story of how Matt Stone and Trey Parker went from a being a pair of bored University of Colorado film students to the most powerful force in American satire began in 1992.

After bonding over a mutual love of Monty Python, the pair set about making an animated short called 'Jesus vs Frosty', a DIY production made using paper, glue and an old 8mm film camera.

Fans of 'South Park' will clearly recognise the film as the genesis of the show. The four main characters – Stan, Kyle Eric and Kenny – are more or less all present, as is the ongoing joke about Kenny’s death and the “I learned something today…” monologue that closes most episodes.

Three years later, the short was picked up by Fox executive Brian Graden who paid Stone and Parker to make another film he could use as a video Christmas card to send to friends. For a cool $2,000, they obliged with 'Jesus vs Santa', not knowing they were about to become one of the first benefactors of a very modern fairytale: the viral hit. Comedy Central found 'Jesus vs Santa' doing the rounds online and immediately offered Stone and Parker a series. 'Cartman Gets an Anal Probe' premiered on 13 August 1997 and American animation – not to mention the lexicon of 14-year-old boys across the world – would never be the same again.

With its mixture of bad language and lewd jokes, 'South Park' delighted younger viewers and horrified their parents in equal measure. Much of the early success was helped by the show’s crude animation style (which remains today). At a glance 'South Park' looked like something made for the pre-teen market, when in reality the content made previous ‘adult cartoons’ like 'Beavis and Butthead' or 'King Of The Hill' feel like the 'Teletubbies'.

Parents and teachers soon cottoned on but, by that time, 'South Park' was well on the way to being a cultural (and merchandising) phenomenon. A flurry of condemnations from conservative groups and outraged media only fanned the flames, as did headline-grabbing attempts to ban 'South Park' t-shirts from schools. By 1999, the cartoon had spread to corrupt children in the UK too - a much publicised poll of eight and nine-year-olds saw Eric Cartman nominated their ‘favourite personality’.

South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)

Parker and Stone were initially stunned by the unprecedented success of 'South Park' and the criticism they faced for it. But rather than quit or just keep milking the formula, they reacted by sharpening their sense of satire. What began as mostly toilet humour evolved quickly into toilet humour with a caustic bite aimed at politicians, celebrity culture and anyone with sanctimonious or hypocritical liberal values. This new approach reached its apex with the release of their first feature film, 'South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut'.

The film attracted the usual complaints about its explicit content but was a critical and commercial hit, gaining positive reviews and grossing $83m worldwide against a modest $21m budget. But the real legacy of 'Bigger, Longer & Uncut' was in showing the wider world what 'South Park’s cult following already knew: Stone and Parker were far more than just potty mouthed heroes for naughty schoolboys. Above all else, it was witty dissection of a subject already close to their heart - the hysteria and hypocrisy that accompanies debates on censorship.

Team America: World Police (2004)

With 'South Park’s reputation as America’s satirical scatter gun complete, the show hit what is widely seen as its richest vein of form across seasons 4-8. Despite this Stone and Parker weren’t content and in 2004, released their first high profile project that had nothing to do with the show.

'Team America' was – and remains – the most overtly political work the pair have produced. Arriving three years into the George Bush administration and one year after the president first uttered the words ‘war on terror’, the film took aim at America’s unilateral tendencies to take military action around the world (in this case against North Korean leader Kim Jong-il).

Parker and Stone's attempt to ‘mock the war on terror’ caused outrage as soon as the plot details were known. One conservative group, Move America Forward, claimed Team America was akin to spoofing the Nazis during World War II, and statement from an ambiguous source within the Bush administration joined in the condemnation.

Despite this, 'Team America' was no out-and-out attack on right wing ideology. The posturing of left-wing celebrities was equally savaged. The film – another commercial success earning $51m worldwide – was evidence, like 'South Park', that no one was to be spared Parker and Stone’s scorn.

South Park vs Religion (2005 – 2006)

From the very beginning religion was a regular target in 'South Park', with Christian piety and the figure of Jesus Christ himself regularly used in episodes. But it wasn’t until the period after 'Team America' when the show began to really push those boundaries.

First the episode 'Bloody Mary' from season 9, in which the Virgin Mary suffers from overt menstruation and sprays Pope Benedict with blood, was targeted by American Catholic groups who lobbied Comedy Central to remove the show from rotation and keep it off DVDs. Religious groups in New Zealand had a similar reaction to the episode the following year. Both were unsuccessful.

Then, in March 2006, 'South Park' suffered from an internal dispute when Isaac Hayes, the voice of recurring character Chef, quit the show. Hayes had taken objection to the portrayal of Scientology (of which he was a member) in the episode 'Trapped In Closet'.

In what was perhaps a sign of the shifting power balance in world religions, Scientology appeared to succeed where Christianity failed. The episode was replaced on Comedy Central by a rerun of an old episode without Parker or Stone being notified. Rumours soon surfaced that Viacom, Comedy Central’s parent comedy, had been spooked by a threat by Tom Cruise to boycott a publicity tour for their forthcoming release 'Mission: Impossible III' unless the episode was pulled.

“So, Scientology, you may have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun!” began Parker and Stone’s mocking response to the controversy. The episode was finally aired later in the year, and was nominated for an Emmy.

Mohammed (2010)

If Parker and Stone’s experiences with religious groups had felt controversial up until that point, four years later, another 'South Park' episode would make ‘Closetgate’ look no worse than a mildly critical review.

In 2010, police in New York were investigating whether a car bomb in Times Square was targeted at Parker and Stone, after 'South Park' mocked the Islamic faith and depicted the Prophet Mohammed.

The pair had already been stopped from portraying Mohammed by Comedy Central in 2006 following the worldwide protests over a caricature by a Danish cartoonist, but four years later, Stone and Parker got their way. The fact the Prophet was dressed in a bear suit was relatively tame by 'South Park’s standards, but it didn’t stop uproar in the Islamic world and The Telegraph in Britain asking whether 'South Park' was the ‘most dangerous show on television’.

Matt Stone later defended the episode as a bastion in the battle for free speech, saying: "Cartoonists, people who do satire - we're not in the army, we're never going to be f---ing drafted and this is our time to do the right thing."

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (2011 - 2013)

If 'The Book Of Mormon' has confounded expectations, it’s not been with the awards or accolades. Despite numerous controversies, Stone and Parker’s record for producing hits has been grudgingly accepted even by their worst critics.

Instead, the biggest surprise of the show is how it has been received by the religious community that is ostensibly seeks to mock.

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints has 14.4m members across a America – just 2% of the population – many of whom hoped, during Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign last year, that their religion was on the cusp of a positive reinvention in the eyes of the rest of the country.

Instead, they’ve found themselves benefiting from perhaps the most unlikely source they could have thought of.

"The official church response was something along the lines of 'The Book of Mormon the musical might entertain you for a night, but the Book of Mormon,'—the book as scripture—'will change your life through Jesus.’ Which we actually completely agree with,” Stone said recently.

“That's a cool, American response to a ribbing… we weren't that surprised. We had faith in them."

That 'cool response' even led to the church taking out adverts in the programs at several venues to encourage people learn more about the The Book Of Mormon, using the delightful line ‘the book is always better’. Some Mormon commentators have spoken out against the play, but many others have echoed the church's official line and welcomed the publicity it has brought them.

And so, after two decades winding up as many politicians, celebrities and religious groups as they can, Stone and Parker have scored arguably the biggest hit of their careers while managing not to upset, well, anyone.

There is a positivity and sweetness in 'The Book Of Mormon' and its characters which hints that Parker and Stone's satire is becoming more nuanced, rather than losing its teeth - the accumulation, perhaps, of all their experiences since making a paper Jesus in 1992.

Does this mean we’ll start seeing subtlety and restraint in 'South Park'? It seems unlikely, but with the show still under contract up to 2016, we’ll know soon enough.

London In Films: 'Welcome To The Punch' Only The Latest... Are These The 12 Best Depictions Of The Capital?

2013-03-13T11:58:27-04:00

The makers of British crime thriller 'Welcome To The Punch' scored a bit of casting coup.

We don't mean James McAvoy or Mark Strong - fine actor though they are - but Canary Wharf. Unlike the powers behind 'Skyfall', the creators of the film (out this week) were granted access to shoot in London's financial district, giving the 'international feel' the producers told HuffPost UK they were after.

In doing so, 'Welcome To The Punch' joins a long tradition of films that pay tribute to the sights and sounds of the capital. Whether it's the grit of the East End or the leafy suburbs of the North, London has been a prolific and versatile performer in its own right for decades.

Here we round up 12 of our favourite examples. Some paint a London we recognise, some one we've long forgotten, others, a place we're relieved doesn't actually exist. If we've missed off your favourite, let us know about it.

The Ladykillers (1955)
WHERE: King's Cross

Not that you'd recognise it today, but almost all of this classic crime caper was filmed either at the famous station or in the area slightly to the North, all of which has since been dramatically redeveloped. In fact, Mrs. Louisa Wilberforce - the film's eccentric lead character - lives in a lopsided house over the entrance to King's Cross railway tunnel. For a cinematic record of dilapidated post-war London, look no further.

Mary Poppins (1964)
WHERE: St. Paul’s / East End

If 'London films' was a subject on Family Fortunes, Mary Poppins would probably win you top points and a set of luxury suitcases. Perhaps it's because Disney's East End is the London we most like to imagine really existed (and the one we still sell to tourists), where chipper children obediently follow nice men with mustaches past eccentric bird ladies perched on the steps of St. Paul's (see above).

1984 (1984)
WHERE: Airstrip One

One of the most chilling aspects of George Orwell's dystopian novel was that it was set in London, rather than an imaginary city (even if England has been renamed 'Airstrip One'). Michael Radford honoured this detail with his film adaptation, using locations such as Alexandra Palace, parts of the East End and Battersea Power Station as the backdrop for Winston's doomed rebellion. Just like the people living in it, London has been sanitised by the oppressive Party but glimmers of its individuality still occasionally shine through, such as in the pawn shop scene.

Withnail and I (1987)
WHERE: Camden / Regent’s Park

Although largely set in the Northern countryside, Richard E. Grant's cult comedy has London - not to mention two archetypal London layabouts - firmly at its heart. The feckless, preening actors Withnail and 'I' leave the capital in search of replenishment but find themselves woefully out of their depth, soon winding up back in grotty old Camden. The moving final scene - possibly still Grant's greatest onscreen moment - sees him miserably quoting Hamlet alone in a rain-soaked Regent's Park. Hey, we've all been there.

Austin Powers (1997 - 2002)
WHERE: The 60s

Mike Myer's Austin Powers trilogy played heavily on the rose-tinted view British society has of the 60s when London was, we like to recall, the coolest place in the world, thanks to a sexual revolution, some colourful fashion and, most of all, lots of music. The scene above encapsulates the 'swinging London' of popular imagination perfectly as Austin Powers hops, skips and jumps through a city full of lovely ladies, dancing bobbies and people having a fabulous time. It's a joke, of course, but it's lovely to think London was once something not too dissimilar.

Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels (1998)
WHERE: East End

Shoreditch, Fleet Street Hill, Borough Market and Chalk Farm were just some of the actual London locations used by Guy Ritchie when filming his smash hit heist film 'Lock, Stock...' But the London he set out to capture was the seedy, crime-riddled East End that has been the backdrop to almost all classic British gangster films, from 'Get Carter to The Long Good Friday' to 'Sexy Beast'. This opening scene says it all as Bacon (a breakthrough role for Jason Statham) uses oodles of Cockney charm to peddle knock off goods to some punters before the old bill shows up.

Shakespeare In Love (1998)
WHERE: Globe Theatre

Pre-Victorian London was arguably the most historically accurate character in John Madden's rom-com, which told a fictional tale of London most famous one-time resident, William Shakespeare. Most of the action centres around the Globe Theatre which was, as it is now (albeit with a little more competition) a cultural focal point of the capital, but it also shows the grimey, class-riddled London society we would barely recognise from 400 years. Actually, wait a minute...

Sliding Doors (1998)
WHERE: The Tube

A film in which London life is not merely a backdrop but the central plot device, 'Sliding Doors' explores the whimsical question of how your fate could change if, instead of missing your train in the Underground, you managed to do that annoying thing where you pull the doors open at the last second and get told off by the grumpy driver. As well as the Waterloo & City Line and at Fulham Broadway tube station on the District Line, 'Sliding Doors' includes scenes by the river at Hammersmith Bridge, Belsize park and Fulham Road - only a few scenes short of London walking tour.

Notting Hill (1999)
WHERE: Er…

Some filmmakers tackle London with gritty realism to produce unflinching portraits of a city torn by crime, poverty and cultural tensions. Then there's Richard Curtis. In his world, the capital is a gently blossoming upper-Middle Class paradise in which one needs only to swear mildly, stammer humorously and buy the odd latte to get whisked into a jolly romantic adventure of some sort. His uniquely idealistic take on the capital is aptly demonstrated in the scene above, in which Hugh Grant strolls through an entire year of Notting Hill without once finding his eardrums perforated by a blast of dub reggae sounding from a slow-moving lorry.

28 Days Later (2002)
WHERE: Westminster / River Thames

Perhaps the most vivid (and unrealistic) portrayal of London to be found in any film ever is the opening seen to Danny Boyle's horror thriller '28 Days Later'. The sight of a completely desolate Westminster Bridge in the middle of the day is more unnerving than even the zombies (Piccadilly Circus and Oxford Street get the same eerie treatment). Using the famous empty streets of London was crucial to the way Boyle refreshed a fairly saturated horror sub genre.

Shaun Of The Dead (2004)
WHERE: Suburbia

As any resident knows, London isn't all about Big Ben and Buckingham Palace. For most of us 'London life' resembles trudging to and from the same suburban outpost, punctuated with long spells in our favourite local. It was this reality that formed the subtle backdrop to Simon Pegg and Nick Frost's excellent horror comedy 'Shaun of the Dead', in which an average life in an average part of London is disrupted by an outbreak of zombies.

Sky Fall (2012)
WHERE: Westminster, Whitehall, Vauxhall Bridge, Embankment, Trafalger Square, Underground

The most successful and critically acclaimed James Bond film of all time, 'Skyfall' was all about 007's roots, and while this ultimately led to the Scottish home of the film's title, the preceding 90 minutes belong mainly to London. The capital has featured in the series before of course - think of Pierce Brosnan in 'The World Is Not Enough' sliding down the then-Millennium Dome - but this was the first to make the city feel like part of Bond's life, rather than just a piece of scenery. Memorable scenes include a tense chase in the London Underground and an explosion at MI6.

'Welcome to the Punch' is in UK cinemas from Friday 15 March. Watch the trailer below...

5 Alternative Date Ideas: Because 'A Couple Down The Local' Is No Longer Enough

2013-03-13T07:48:20-04:00

For decades, British people were able to rely on a simple equation to take care of their romantic lives: proximity + alcohol + hope.

The idea was simple: be in the same place as the person you liked, consume enough booze to feel relaxed enough to talk to them, then pray you end up snogging against a wall somewhere.

But the times are changing. Life is getting busier. Internet dating is shedding its stigma to become a major source of how we met potential partners. ‘A couple down the local’ is no longer a practical or impressive choice for the smart, urban singleton.

What you need is an idea that’s a little ‘out there’ - by which we mean out there, beyond the doors of the pub. Here are five suggestions you’re welcome to use and pass off as your own.

A Game Of Ping Pong
Cooler than pool or darts, less intense than paint balling – table tennis is the latest London nightlife trend that is sure to sweep up the rest of the country soon. Recently opened in Holborn, Bounce is a ping pong club-come-club that marries brand new equipment with attentive staff who deliver your drinks and scoop up errant balls in a net (meaning no need to chase them around like an idiot). There’s even a casual and very tasty pizzeria at the back. Book early though – this place is popular every night.

Zorbing
What says: ‘Hey! I’m a fun person! Marry me for a life of spontaneous gaiety!’ more than strapping yourself and your date into a giant inflatable ball and rolling down a hill? Zorbing is an extreme(ish) sport that feels neither too dangerous nor too ‘for boys/girls’. It also has the added bonus of facilitating the ‘school yard’ system of wooing by meaning you can bang into each other, fall on top of each other and general try and hurt one another in an expression of passionate longing. Pod is an outdoor centre near enough to London to go there and back in a day.

An Old-Fashion Train Journey
London’s full of great restaurants, but whichever one you pick, it’s still just sitting across a table from someone stuffing your face. Instead, why not board the British Pullman train that runs out of Victoria station? An exact replica of the decadent First Class carriages on steam trains in the 1920s, you’ll be served of gorgeous 5 courses meal and feel like you’ve gone back in time, as the beautiful English countryside roams past your window. Remember to dress smart though.

Late Night Stroll In A Museum
When you think about, a museum is a great place to invite someone on a date. It’s cultured, learned, and there’s a constant stream of stuff to talk about. The problem is that museums aren’t sexy - they’re places you go with kids and grandparents on a bank holiday. Except, that is, on the last Wednesday of every month when London’s Science Museum opens late just for adults. There you can grab a glass of wine and peruse the usual exhibition wonders, as well as watch live comedy, compete in a quiz or even take part in an Egyptian makeup class.

Learn To Make Sushi
You remember when they tried telling us at school that learning is fun? Utter rubbish, obviously. But there are exceptions, and one is when it involves a sushi knife, a glass of sake and lots of fresh, delicious fish. Inamo restaurant offers 1.5 hour master classes in making nigiri, maki and all the other treats you see on the conveyor belt in Yo! Sushi. Any other cuisine would make for a risky date (who wants to see you sweating over a stove or spilling gravy on yourself?) but Japanese food is cool, fresh and still relatively exotic. They even give you an interesting talk on the history and culture of the food your making, so there’ll be lots to talk about, too.

Comic Relief: Red Nose Day's Funniest Moments (VIDEO)

2013-03-11T11:35:00-04:00

Comic Relief's funny moments are a rare example of a deal in which everyone wins.

The rich and the famous are presented with a perfect opportunity to make fun of themselves (whilst letting us know they care), audiences at home get to enjoy surreal sights like Tony Blair pretending to be a stroppy teenager, James Corden appraising the England football team or Victoria Beckham's fielding questions about her sex life and most importantly, we're all made to feel jolly enough to be generous and donate. Perfect.

Since Comic Relief began in 1985 there have been many priceless sketches, so ahead of this year's Red Nose Day (which will include, among other things, the return of David Brent), we've decided to round up 12 of our favourites.

Is Justin Bieber Losing It? 5 Reasons Why We Think He Might Be...

2013-03-07T06:54:25-05:00

In 2008 a small boy with wide eyes, a glossy grin and a helmet of swept brown hair by the name of Justin Bieber was held up to the altar of celebrity, and all around the world a new generation of teenie boppers came together to sing his praises.

It was a strange, shrill sound that echoed across the globe - a sound we’d come, through gritted teeth, to call Bieber Fever.

Armed with social media and the internet, this bleating army made Beatlemania and Girl Power look like minor footnotes in the history of hysterical pop worship.

The ‘Beliebers’ made their God the most followed person on Twitter, the first artist to put seven songs on the Billboard Hot 100 at the first attempt and granted him a personal fortune in the tens of millions.

But alas, no teen sensation, no matter how big, is immune from the awful and inevitable fate that lurks in wait... the moment when the alter of fame becomes a sacrificial table and the backlash begins...

1. SHARON PUTS THE BOOT IN

Sharon Osborne has been called a lot of things, but rarely a prophet. And yet the acid-tongued matriarch heralded the start of the Bieber Backlash when she predicted his star was on the wane in October, 2012.

“His fans are growing up -- they’re 18, 19-year-olds now. … They’re young women. And he still looks like that little boy!” she said in an interview, the words of a woman who’d seen plenty come and go in the music industry.

Bieber shrugged his shoulders in response:

While the rest of the world quietly wondered if she might just have a point…

2. THE TROLLS GO CRAZY

A few months later, and 2013 began for Bieber with a drugs controversy. The teenager was snapped allegedly holding a joint at a party by gossip website TMZ. A cynical attempt to ‘develop’ his image or a silly accident? We’ll never know for sure, but either way it backfired.

While many of Bieber's wholesome young fans emitted genuine howls of concern, a far more sinister Twitter trend called #cutforbieber briefly flared in which fake accounts were set up to encourage Belibers to cut themselves in response to his behaviour (sample: "You stop using drugs and we'll stop cutting. You make this world meaningless and we've lost hope," tweeted @brittanyscrapma)

Bieber has always been a target of derision from people who hate manufactured pop, but this was trolling on a much deeper and more disturbing scale.

3. MURDER PLOT

Bieber hate went even further in February when details emerged of a plot to have him killed and castrated.

The grim recording, made from inside Southern New Mexico Correctional Facility, revealed how inmates discussed a plan to kill the singer at a Madison Square Garden show by robbing him of his manhood and then “strangling him with his signature paisley scarf”.

4. THE FANS TURN

Until his trip the UK this month, the whole world had turned on Bieber except the people who most matter to him (and his record company): the fans.

But then, at London’s O2 arena, what should have been a scene of cherished memories being made forever was turned into a living nightmare of crying children, fuming Mums and broken little hearts.

After experiencing ‘technical difficulties’, Bieber finally went on stage two whole hours after he was scheduled to perform. Unaided by alcohol, drugs or fully grown legs, thousands of his young fans were too tired to watch the show and had to be taken home less than halfway into his set.

The ensuing press coverage took delight in finding fans prepared to renounce their Bieber Fever. The Bieber Backlash net had gone full circle, and was now closing in.

5. THE MELT DOWN

Teen Sensations are as well trained in maintaining a serene façade as SAS soliders are in breaking necks. Even if the whole world is baiting them and their soul is collapsing in their chest, they keep smiling. But inevitably, at some point, the backlash gets too much and they crack.

Shortly after the disastrous concert Bieber donned a gas mask to enter a London restaurant, looking every inch the horror movie nutter. While this wasn’t quite Bieber’s bald-Britney-with-a-brolly moment – he’s worn the mask before, for one thing – it was a clear sign the negative press was getting to the 19-year-old.

But it was later and – inevitably - on Twitter when Bieber took his haterz head on:

With a new ‘proper musician’ acoustic album on the way, will the current Bieber Backlash prove to be a mere aberration in Justin’s story, a footnote in his transition from child star to grown up music legend? Perhaps.

But as countless past teenage heartthrobs will tell him, nothing – least of all the love and devotion of millions of young strangers – lasts forever.

After all, when it comes to your general public, a backlash is a walk in the park compared to what usually comes next: boredom.

Should Men Be Offended By Rate-A-Man Apps Like Lulu?

2013-02-27T12:05:49-05:00

Mobile phone apps encouraging women to 'train' their boyfriends like pets and rate unsuspecting men on their looks are on the rise: but is it offensive, or all just a bit of fun...?

As a white, straight, middle class, able-bodied male it's rare I get asked to write about whether I feel objectified or discriminated against by anything.

A good job really. After all, there is no sound as unpleasant as a privileged male trying to pull a 'poor me' when people of every other category on earth are still, on some level or another, embroiled in a fight for their rights.

But in recent weeks, three different phone apps have raised the perplexing question of whether men are being objectified by women - and not in that harmless, Diet Coke break, six-pack on a billboard, balancing-out-an-inherently-sexist-media kind of way, either.

These apps are more in line with lad's mag sites still peddling dated ideas about how women should behave, or worse, 'revenge porn' sites where women are held up to be shared, rated and criticised without even knowing.

To discover whether it's a problem worth taking to the streets about (well, Twitter at least), I took a look for myself.

The first app is 'Boyfriend Trainer', which encourages its users - anyone aged four or over - to electrocute, hit or mace their virtual boyfriend for misdemeanors ranging from being untidy to looking at other girls. You can also choose to keep him on leash. It's a sort of human male Tamagotchi for those who used to enjoy letting their pixilated cat die in a pile of its own pixilated shit.

"Crack that whip and teach your guy a thing or two about being the Perfect Boyfriend! When scolding doesn't work, just zap him, whack him and train him to be your ideal man!" says publisher Games2Win. Presumably there is an advanced difficulty level where users have to employ cold silences and a refusal to have sex to get their man to shape up.

Similar but more sophisticated is the app 'GoodBoy' which aims to improve not a virtual boyfriend, but your real one.

Downloaded to both you and your partner's phone, the app tracks the man's performance in all sorts of tasks from housekeeping to listening to personal hygiene, with the woman acting as a sort of bank manager handing out credits for good behaviour. According to the app's creators, the men can then cash the credits in for rewards like "watching the game all afternoon - with no arguments".

Are either of these apps 'offensive'? Well, no, not really. The stereotype they both employ of the 'useless man-child' who needs moulded into a grown up by a woman is annoying, but it has always existed, from Chaucer to any current TV advert about DIY or washing-up powder.

If anything, 'Boyfriend Trainer' sounds like it might, in a bizarre way, get the message through to young girls that they shouldn't be manipulated during their formative relationships, a common experience that holds more dangers now than ever before.

As for 'GoodBoy', the bit that most grates is the name. Beyond that it strikes me as just as offensive to women as it is to men to suggest that they need to distribute digital 'credits' to get their man to treat them with respect and affection. Just dump him and pick someone better, sister.

Which brings us to the last of the so-called anti-man apps, Lulu.

Lulu invites women (and only women) to sign up via Facebook, at which point all of their male friends are automatically sucked in and held up for appraisal by a community that, if reports are to believed, resembles one of those unhappy hen parties you sometimes see in nightclubs jeering bitterly at any bloke who happens to wander past with his WKD.

Every man pulled unwittingly into Lulu land is ascribed ratings based on their looks, spending habits, manners and ambition, along with helpful hashtags like #SexualPanther, #kinkyintherightways or #NapoleonComplex (the possibilities, I assume, are endless).

All very unedifying stuff of course (unless you happen to be #SexualPanther), but really, is the app doing anything more than recreating what we do in real life from time to time?

Men and women alike will sit with friends and discuss past and potential partners, evaluating them on everything from their bodies to the depths of their characters. And it's not exactly 'consensual' then, is it? At least this way we can't accidentally overhear it all on our way to the kitchen.

The uncomfortable aspect of it for me is that, if I were on Lulu, those judgments would potentially be made and shared by people I've never even met. No different, I suppose, to if you were famous - which let's face it is the primary illusion social media allows us to indulge in anyway.

In any case, this sort of thing has existed on the internet since the beginning. 'Hot Or Not' was a popular site when I was a young teen, only it involved people uploading their own best pics and sitting back to see what average score out of 10 they got, hoping for some kind of self-esteem boost. You'd rate others while you were waiting, but if you were anything like me never had the heart to give anyone less than a 7 anyway.

For some people, the ultimate test of whether a thing is sexist or in any other way discriminatory is to simply flip the victim with the perpetrator. If men were using an app that automatically shared their female Facebook friends with strangers, then sat rating them for pleasure, would it be objectifying?

Well yes, clearly. But it is nothing compared to what some men are actually doing women online without their consent.

On sites like Pink Meth, highlighted in a recent Telegraph blog, girls as young as 16 are being ritually humiliated as ex-boyfriends upload nude pictures of them sent in a past act of trust.

Not content with publishing the content, Pink Meth links it to the individual girl's social media information (name, age, address, etc.) and actively encourages its users to inform their victim's real life friends and family. It's dangerous in the worst possible ways, and the comments left beneath these girls are among the most depressing, inhumane and cruel you're ever likely to read. And what's worse is that it is all done legally.

All of which, of course, puts a few insulting or gossipy phone apps into perspective. Most men would be disgusted by sites like Pink Meth and revenge porn in general, but depressingly, plenty are clearly very much on board with it. My instinct is to believe that for women, stuff like Lulu is as far as they would go in getting kicks out of judging men without their consent. It's not a competition, of course, but I know which 'offends' me more - and which I think we should be campaigning to have removed.

'Shameless' Final Series Opener (REVIEW)

2013-02-27T07:32:22-05:00

As Shameless enters its eleventh and final series on Channel 4, it's interesting to wonder what kind of an impact it could have had if 2013 was the start rather than the end of Frank Gallagher's story.

In the beginning, Paul Abbot's drama was a compelling mix of social commentary and joyously crude pantomime that humanized the very people politicians and the press often attempted to vilify - the petty criminals, the unemployed, the single mothers, the poor.

When it arrived in 2004 - bolstered by stars like James McAvoy and Anne-Marie Duff - it shook up the way British television portrayed the working class and challenged perceptions about life at the bottom the social food chain. The residents of Chatsworth Estate broke the law, but we saw the circumstances and compassion that led them to do so. The families were unconventional and dysfunctional, but full of the same blend of love and tension that make up any home. It was believable and funny, the most enjoyable drama on television.

Back then, we were still in the cosy Blair years before the economic crash. We were yet to hear anything yet about 'Broken Britain', or witness the ascendancy of Cameron's Conservative Party as it sought to demonize the unemployed as 'scroungers' to path the way for benefit cuts. Would the Shameless of old have been a welcome riposte to today's political rhetoric? Perhaps. But this is wishful thinking.

In the seven series since, as the Gallagher clan has been disbanded and local gangsters the Maguires installed as the show's central family, a combination of over the top characters and story lines have meant the comedy edged out the drama and the show lost its teeth. On occasion, it has veered dangerously close to resembling the kind of 'class tourism' documentaries it was once a refreshing counter point to.

So in 2013, is there any reason other than nostalgia to still care about the characters of the Chatsworth Estate? Judging by last night's opening episode, it's going to take more than the return of a few high profile former cast members (as promised for this final run) for the show to rediscover its old magic.

Mimi took magic mushrooms and remembered that Paddy couldn't have been Jamie's real Father after all (he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, quite literally). This led to a familiar will-he-won't-he dilemma as Jamie threatened to quit the crime family and leave Manchester. Meanwhile, Frank became involved with a prostitute double act called Sherilee and Derilee, one of whom could be bribed with cleaning products to sate her OCD for housework.

Even at its lowest points Shameless has remained both funny and charming, which is why it's been worth watching for ten years. But this felt like the Shameless-by-numbers we've had to grow used to in recent years, all sex and no substance. It's still early days for the final series, but it looks like confirming what fans already knew: we said goodbye the show we really fell in love with a long time ago.

Black Mirror: 'The Waldo Moment' (REVIEW)

2013-02-26T09:05:35-05:00

Last night Charlie Brooker's terrific second series of Black Mirror came to an end with 'The Waldo Moment', by far the least creepy or inventive episode of the trilogy that was nevertheless a compelling conclusion to the TV highlight of the year so far.

The story saw a crude cartoon bear called Waldo hi-jack a local by-election for a TV stunt. The public love Waldo, who speaks to their disdain for politicians - both the entitled, posh Tory kind and the careerist liberal variety - and he soon becomes an unlikely figurehead for an anti-politics movement.

Problems arise when Waldo's creator, a failed comedian called Jamie, grows embarrassed and ashamed as his joke gets out of control and he finds himself in a position of genuine influence. In a line straight from Brooker's heart he despairs: "I'm neither stupid or clever enough to be in politics". But like Victor Frankenstein, Jamie is too late: his creation is too powerful, and lives on without him.

Daniel Rigby as Jamie. Yes, he is the guy from the BT adverts, too.

The reason 'The Waldo Moment' felt like the odd one out from this series is because it could happen tomorrow, and at its heart, wasn't really anxious about technology at all. The reason (as revealed in the closing credits) is that much of episode was dreamt up a long time ago, when Brooker was writing his lesser-known series Nathan Barley.

Nathan Barley (2005) was a brilliant parody of the rise of new media in which anyone, even the vacuous, talent-less moron of the show's title could build a personal cult around himself by using the internet. Those familiar with the show will instantly recognise Jamie as a version of Dan Ashcroft, Nathan's despairing colleague who tries to tell a nightclub full of media luvvies they are idiots, in much the same way Jamie turns (hopelessly) on Waldo's followers at the end.

Looking back at all six episodes of Black Mirror, 'The Waldo Moment' had far more in common with the very first episode 'The National Anthem' - in which the prime minister is blackmailed into having sex with a pig on live television - than any of the others. In both the political process is subverted by the general public's insatiable appetite for stupidity and scandal.

And yet there was also a pertinent warning for the political system in there. The reason a character as ugly as Waldo is allowed to prosper is because he offers honest (if crude) opinions, set against politicians who, in the way of the modern world, refuse to be honest about their motivations and speak only in media-friendly soundbites.

Brooker seems to think - as many commentators have argued over the past fifteen years - that a desire for a more honest form of politics exist in Britain, and that there is a danger in leaving that unmet. Since our last inspiring politician was sullied by the Iraq War, the expenses scandal and other unedifying moments in Westminster have left the general public with an antipathy towards the political class that can shame both sides.

Daniel Rigby (Jamie) and his co-star Chloe Pirrie, who played his love interest (and rival Labour candidate) Gwendolyn, gave 'The Waldo Moment' some tender scenes, but really, this was an episode that highlighted the flaws in Brooker's writing. The desire to make a broader point about society tends to lead him into painting his characters in broad strokes. The story is riddled with stereotypes, from the nasty Tory MP to the manipulative TV producer to the general public themselves, all of whom laugh heartily and unthinkingly at any dick joke thrown their way.

The moments when Black Mirror became truly brilliant was when, rather than trying to satirise everybody like it was one of his vitriolic Guardian columns, Brooker narrowed his target and focused on a small number of characters and their relationships with technology and each other.

The final episode of series one 'The Entire History Of You' (Black Mirror's finest hour) and the first of this round, 'Be Right Back', were both unsettling and perceptive looks as the role technology may come to play in our lives, but above all, they were fantastic dramas, touching and relatable. In creating such believable characters and dialogue, Brooker made his points so much more powerfully.

In any case, whether it was the smack-you-in-the-face stuff like last night, the horror/sci-fi episodes ('15 Million Merits', 'White Bear') or the more personal work, Black Mirror has been a thrilling ride throughout. Brooker has long been one of the most entertaining writers in the country, and now we know he can be among our finest dramatists, too. Let's hope series three is already formulating somewhere in that furrowed brow of his.

David Bowie Retrospective Set To Smash V&A Visitor Records

2013-02-25T03:49:39-05:00

In an era of endless revivals, reboots and remakes, it’s looking increasingly as though David Bowie is making the perfect comeback.

At the start of the year he left fans and critics alike misty-eyed with the surprise release of a new single, and now reports suggest that he is set to break records in the art world – a planned retrospective of the star’s career at the V&A has already sold more than 26,000 advance tickets, and is expected to be the most successful exhibition the museum has ever held.

Bowie broke into the top ten with his first single for 10 years in January with ‘Where Are We Now’, while prompting several days of rave reviews and nostalgia for his career in the press.

While the shock of that release undoubtedly played a part in that success (Bowie simply dropped it into iTunes, no press conference, no weeks of hype), fans have been left in no doubt over what they can expect at the V&A show.

The museum will feature over 300 items spanning six decades of the singer’s life.

As well as art works and handwritten lyrics, the show will include 60 of the singer’s famous costumes, including the Ziggy Stardust bodysuit made famous during the Top of the Pops performance of Starman in 1972.

Other, more surprising coups will be the original storyboards for Bowie’s Ashes to Ashes music video and a sketches of the stage designs for his famous Diamond Dogs tour in 1974 – both pieces of rock memorabilia that have never been seen by the public before.

Victoria Broackes , a co-curator of the show, told The Telegraph: “These are among the most exciting exhibits because they show Bowie’s extraordinary creativity and breadth of interests.”

Bowie, 66, confirmed via his Facebook page last year that he had given the V&A “unprecedented access” to his archives but insisted that he had not played any part in curating the show.

‘David Bowie Is’ at the V&A will run from 23 March to 11 August. The singer will release his first new album in more than 10 years, ‘The Next Day’, to coincide with its opening.

Man Accused Of Stealing Dali Painting And Posting It Back

2013-02-21T06:10:53-05:00

It’s a crime caper entirely befitting the master of surrealism.

According to New York prosecutors, last summer Phivos Istavrioglou strolled into an Upper East Side gallery, popped a valuable Salvador Dali painting into a shopping bag and simply walked out past several guards in broad daylight.

Unfortunately for Phivos Istavrioglou he was also caught on CCTV, and by the time he returned to where he lived in Greece, security photos of his face were being circulated around the world.

Cartel de Don Juan Tenorio by Salvador Dali

Feeling a sudden onset of guilt, Istavrioglou took Cartel de Don Juan Tenorio – worth around $150,000 (£98,300) – out of its frame and popped it in the post back to the gallery, hoping that would be the end of it.

No such luck. When it was intercepted at JFK airport, police dusted it for prints and found that it was covered in fingerprints that matched those of a man who had, on another occasion, stolen a juice bottle in a shoplifting spree at a New York grocery. That man was Phivos Istavrioglou.

An undercover policeman was then dispatched to Greece to lure the culprit back to Manhattan, which he did by posing as a gallery owner offering Istavrioglou a job. Instead of a new start, he was greeted at the other end with a charge of grand larceny theft.

With a keen appreciation of irony, Cyrus R. Vance Jr., the Manhattan district attorney, said in a statement: “It was almost surreal how this theft was committed. Today’s indictment brings us one step closer to bringing an international art caper to a close.”

This week 29-year-old Istavrioglou from Athens pleaded not guilty, and was released on bail of $100,000 (£65,335) pending a trial.

Black Mirror 'White Bear' (REVIEW)

2013-02-19T07:18:34-05:00

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

The first 45 minutes of White Bear, the second episode of Charlie Brooker's trilogy of technology-fearing dystopias, played out like a low-budget, low-quality version of 28 Days Later. It's basically the worst thing he's ever written, which, you come to realise, is the whole point.

A woman named Victoria wakes up from an apparent suicide attempt, unable to remember who she is. To make matters worse, the world outside makes no sense either: mysterious transmitters have turned most of the population into zombie-like voyeurs incapable of doing anything but filming her on their mobile phones, even as she's being chased by a masked gunman, screaming for help.

Lenora Crichlow as Victoria in 'White Bear'

Victoria soon teams up with Jem, a fellow 'survivor' who is neither affected by the radiowaves nor one of the 'hunters'. Together they embark on half an hour of horror movie clichés, narrowly escaping bad guys, being tricked into the woods where some Hostel-style torture is taking place and, finally, arriving with ludicrous ease to blow up the transmitter and save the day.

The whole thing is so hackneyed and formulaic, you're aghast. Has Brooker really gone this badly off the boil? Nothing about the plot lines or the behaviour of the characters is believable - except, that is, Victoria herself. You keep waiting for her to make the conventional transformation from scared witless victim to hardened heroine, but she doesn't. Lenora Crichlow, the actress playing her, just keeps crying and staring at the world in disbelief. It's a harrowing performance with no arc or resolutions, just sheer fear and distress.

What is revealed in the final act is that this is because Victoria actually is the only real character. The entire ordeal was a Truman Show-esque ruse made up of actors and set pieces. Suddenly finding herself in front of braying live audience, Victoria is told she abducted and murdered a child (which of course, she can't remember) and this - psychological torture and public humiliation - is her punishment. In a dreadful twist, she is then paraded through the street back to her house, where her memory is wiped and, like Prometheus, reanimated and forced to live through the whole nightmare again.

So the reason it all felt like a rubbish horror movie for 45 minutes is because that's what it was, just with a real person in the centre of it. Victoria's ordeal is exactly what a company of actors tasked with fulfilling a cruel society's fantasy of 'real justice' would come up with.

But how does that explain the voiceless hordes with the camera phones? It turns out they're White Bear's most important character, or least the one Brooker wishes to say the most about. They're members of the public, invited to watch and record Victoria's nightmare for fun. As in other episodes, Brooker is riffing on the idea that our compulsion to document our lives is replacing our desire to participate in it, like the people who see violence break out on a bus and decide to film it rather than intervene. The fact Victoria was a murderer allows them to accept her suffering, but it's the mobile phones that allow them to enjoy it - after all, she's just a character on their screens.

Booker Prize Winner Hilary Mantel Calls Kate Middleton 'A Plastic Princess With No Personality'

2013-02-18T18:31:09-05:00

Imagining the Royals as they were in Tudor times has brought Hilary Mantel unprecedented literary success.

Now, this year's Booker Prize winner has attracted attention of a different kind by discussing the current Royal Family, describing Kate Middleton as a "shop window mannequin" with a "plastic smile", no personality and no purpose other than to produce an heir to the throne.

Part of a long lecture given at the British Museum two weeks ago, the author's comments were swiftly plucked out and splashed across the front page of the Daily Mail, who have described it as a "venomous attack".

Hilary Mantel called Kate Middleton a "shop window mannequin"

A full transcript of the speech - entitled 'Royal Bodies', and which can be read here - shows that Mantel actually gave a sympathetic analysis of the Royal family, and her comments were about Kate as a media construct, rather than a personal attack.

Nevertheless, given the strength of the remarks, the descriptions of the Duchess were taken out of context and made into headlines.

The author of Bring Up The Bodies - who has written about her struggle with her own weight - described Kate as "painfully thin as anyone could wish, without quirks, without oddities, without the risk of the emergence of character."

Drawing an unflattering comparison with Princess Diana, Mantel continued: "She appears precision-made, machine-made, so different from Diana whose human awkwardness and emotional incontinence showed in her every gesture."

Mantel's comments were largely about Kate as a media construct, rather than a personal attack.

Mantel also described Kate's first official portrait by Paul Emsley, saying of the Princess: "Her eyes are dead and she wears the strained smile of a woman who really wants to tell the painter to bugger off," she said.

While Twitter tried to decide whose side it was on, Ingrid Seward, editor-in-chief of Majesty magazine, defended the Duchess to the Independent. "When Diana came on the scene she would just sit there and look pretty. We all thought she was pretty bland. It wasn't until later that we learned about all the troubles of her marriage and her personality began to shine through. Kate might yet come into her own," she said.

A spokesman for Mantel told The Telegraph that the speech was not a criticism, with the author speaking about royal women as victims of their predicament. “It is a piece about appearance,” he said. “It’s about being trapped. It is about the performance, how the institution of royalty has to project and how it comes across.”

The Duchess herself, meanwhile, will have little choice but to react as stoically as is expected of her. She recently endured the frustration of pictures of her in a bikini being published in an Italian magazine, following the topless photos scandal of last year.

On Tuesday she will continue with her Royal duties when she visits the addiction charity Hope House in South London to meet women recovering from alcohol and drug dependency.

Yoko Ono Quotes On Art, Life And Love

2013-02-18T11:52:39-05:00

Yoko Ono has long been thought of as a divisive figure, the butt of countless jokes about breaking up the greatest band of all time.

The irony, of course, is that all she has ever tried to preach through her art and her music is unity and love.

Last year, one of the most refreshing and enjoyable of London's summer of excellent art shows belonged to former wife of John Lennon, whose exhibition 'To The Light' gain positive reviews, not least of all on this site where it was given four stars out of five.

Today, on her 80th birthday, we look back on photographs from her remarkable life so far and round up some of the best things she's ever said about art, life and love.

Happy birthday Yoko!