2013-06-20T01:32:18-04:00 Sarah Pylas http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/author/index.php?author=sarah-pylas Copyright 2008, HuffingtonPost.com, Inc. HuffingtonPost Blogger Feed for Sarah Pylas Good old fashioned elbow grease. tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.2099423 2012-11-09T08:03:25-05:00 2013-01-09T05:12:01-05:00

Sarah Pylas http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-pylas/ Stylist magazine last weekend about the rise of 'power maternity', where pregnant women and new mums are using the time away from work to learn a new language, take up a hobby or to start a new business.

The article featured four women who had changed their jobs, and their lives, while on maternity leave.

One popped her baby in a backpack while she designed an outdoor maternity sports range; another opened a vintage bridal boutique while her newborn baby slept; one tells how she co-founded Mumsnet with a twin on each knee, and the final woman to be profiled ditched her day job to launch a dairy-free yoghurt range because she didn't want to sit around all day and "just watch Dexter and scoff Doritos".

The article prompted a response from Jezebel saying that Power Maternity Leave is just the latest way to make regular new mums feel inadequate.

Really? I'm not so sure it will.

I took 13-months off work when I had my son, now three. While he slept, I sterilised bottles, made dinner, did laundry and wiped sick off my shoulder. When he was awake, I fed him, changed his nappy and wiped sick off my shoulder. He didn't really like being in the sling too much, so I held him in one arm and did everything else with the other.

Some days I might well have just watched Dexter and scoffed Doritos, except it was Grey's Anatomy and Minstrels, but that was because some days it was about all I could manage after two-hourly night feeds with a colicky baby.

I looked around at my new mum friends and felt reassured that we were all in the same place. There was no expectation for any of us to be using this time any differently.

My baby was my exciting new venture. Managing on a single income was the new skill I was learning. Getting creative with the shopping budget was my new hobby and interpreting my baby's various cries throughout the sleep/eat/burp/poo/sleep cycle was the new language I was studying.

You know, regular mum stuff.

I'm a regular mum.

A regular mum, who does not feel inadequate for using my maternity leave to tend only to my son.

I enjoy being back at work now, but my year on maternity leave was all for my baby. There is already so much to feel inadequate about when it comes to motherhood - whether you choose to breast or bottle feed; use cloth nappies or disposable; how often you read to your child; do you allow them to watch TV; use of dummies; needing an hour to yourself; establishing a sleep routine; not establishing a sleep routine; baby classes; toddler groups; crafts...the list is endless.

I agree that comparing ourselves to other mums is sometimes at the root of many feelings of inadequacy, but not setting up an empire during the first year of your child's life should certainly not be one of those things.

There is no debating that what these four women have all achieved in business is incredible. I fully support women in business and even more so, I respect and admire any parent who manages to perfect the enviable work/life balance, so good for them.

My objection with the Stylist article was more that it seemed to be implying that mums who don't follow suit are just lazy so-and-sos watching TV all day and eating junk food.

Chance would be a fine thing.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1775166 2012-08-14T09:08:21-04:00 2012-10-14T05:12:02-04:00

Sarah Pylas http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-pylas/
He's had his moments obviously, but mostly I have enjoyed this 2-3 age.

Two year olds are sweet. They like cuddles and Peppa Pig, say really cute things like "Lub You" and they sleep during the day.

Being a mother to a 2-year old is fab!

I would do it all over again if I could.

However this week, a few weeks before my son's third birthday, we have had an insight into what it might be like to parent a 3-year old.

3-year olds answer back.

When you tell them off for smearing chocolate all over the sofa, they laugh and do it again. When you ask them to clean it up, they respond with 'you clean it...' and when you tell them to be nice they retort 'you be nice...'

!!

When you do not give the correct response to 'Can I have an ice lolly?' at 7.30 in the morning, they will demand 'I.WANT.AN.ICE.LOLLY' over and over and over and over again.

The books tell you not to give in under any circumstances. They say this only encourages the same tantrum behaviour every time the 3-yr old does not get his own way.

There is no point in even trying to reason that ice lollies are a treat for a warm summer's day and not an alternative to Weetabix, because this will just infuriate a 3-year old even more.

It is not just the desire for an ice lolly that can bring on a total meltdown though.

If you are at home, it is much easier to ignore but most likely, you'll be out in public and need to find somewhere to take a Time Out.

This has happened to us twice in the last few days.

The first time was on my watch.

We were in a park cafe with a friend and her two children. I had permitted a chocolate treat by way of keeping my almost 3-year old in his chair so that I could drink tea peacefully in mine and chat.

Great!

Worked for about 2-minutes.

Then he wanted to get out of his chair and run around the cafe. I asked him to sit down, to finish his chocolate brownie, to sit on my lap, to read a book, to look at my phone, to let me tickle him.

He wanted to run around the cafe.

I scooped him up, returned with him to our table and sat back down.

He let out a scream so loud that everyone turned around to see what I was doing to this poor child.

He threw himself down on the floor and kicked and screamed and cried and hit my leg over and over.

Now, at home I could walk away and let him get the strop out of his system.

But with all eyes in the cafe upon me, I had to put on my best parenting hat and attempt to deal with the situation in such a way that every other parent in there was so impressed that they gasped in awe and congratulated me on being such a wonderful mother.

Oh.My.Goodness.

I picked him up, talked in soothing tones and tried to calm him down. It was too late though, he had completely lost it.

I was certainly not impressing anyone.

My face reddened. I had to take him outside.

'I.DON'T.WANT.TO.GO.OUTSIDE.'

We'll have to go home then.

'I.DON'T.WANT.TO.GO.HOME.'

Well, let's go back inside then but you have to be good.

'I.DON'T.WANT.TO.BE.GOOD.'

I had to take him home.

He sobbed the entire way.

At home, we had a cuddle on the sofa and eventually he relaxed. 10-minutes later, it was all forgotten and he was back to being my sweet little boy again.

The next time it happened was on the Greek God(zilla)'s watch.

He had arrived to collect him from nursery and was greeted with a big happy face. They strolled out of the nursery hand in hand, ready to walk to the bus stop together. As they were leaving, one of the staff asked Zachy if he would like a snack.

The Greek God(zilla) then made the terrible mistake of answering for him.

'No, we'll get an ice lolly on the way home'

This was not the answer our almost 3-year old wanted. He wanted the snack AND the ice lolly.

He did not like to feel he was being denied any food, especially a cracker.

Total meltdown.

In the middle of the car park.

With all eyes upon him, the Greek God(zilla) put on his best parenting hat and decided to...

...call me. At work.

When I answered all I could hear was my son screaming in the background.

I panicked.

'What do I do? What do I do?!' asked the Greek God(zilla).

Between sobs and screams and just before I was very rudely cut off, I could just about make out that this particular outburst started after being denied a cracker.

When I was unable to offer any advice other than pick him up out of the road (NOW PLEASE!!), calm him down BUT DO NOT GIVE IN, the Greek God(zilla) hung up the phone and carefully considered everything I said for about a millisecond.

Then took him straight back to the nursery to get a cracker.]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1372043 2012-03-22T07:41:09-04:00 2012-11-05T10:53:41-05:00

Sarah Pylas http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-pylas/
True enough, I was doing it very wrong as when the instructor re-adjusted my feet into the correct position, I felt the burn in every muscle that I did not know I had.

I wonder if the same can be said of parenting - that if it feels easy, then we're just not doing it right.

Do we need to push ourselves harder to get the best out of ourselves and our children?

When Zachy was first-born, my body was physically tested to its limits. I had an emergency c-section following 36-hours of labour. I struggled to breast feed for a plethora of reasons that I will go into another time, so was on an express/feed/change/sleep/repeat rotation, with a side order of infected c-section incision and a dollop of exhaustion on top.

Physically, the first six months felt like an endurance test. Emotionally, it was a rollercoaster.

Fortunately, this stage passed quickly and smoothly, but only to be replaced by the next challenge of trying to establish some essence of a feeding and sleep routine.

Just as we felt we might have cracked that, it was time to start weaning. We followed the Baby Led Weaning approach with much success and Zachy took to solids like a pro, so it was just up to me to make sure he got a balanced diet and enjoyed tasting new foods. Slowly, he started to drop milk feeds until eventually he was eating the same things as us.

As he started crawling around, it was more difficult to get things done around the house.

I nipped to the loo once and found him under the dining room table when I got back. I started taking him to the loo with me after that.

But, as frustrating as it was to have a baby attached to my hip as I got on with the basic human requirement of using the toilet, I somehow worked it out and adjusted my schedule to fit around his ever-changing needs.

I'd shower while he had his morning nap, make dinner during his afternoon nap and then pretty much spend most of his waking hours following him from room to room and up and down the stairs.

We visited my sister and I'd barely speak to her as we each just shadowed our own children, occasionally shouting out to ask to borrow a wipe/cloth/nappy bag.

This was all when I was still on maternity leave, when we'd go to the park every day and I'd let him have a little roam on the grass. Or, I'd pop him in his buggy and we'd visit the aquarium, the farm or the swings. A change of scenery from following him from the living room to the hallway and back again.

It got more difficult again when he turned one and started to walk, around the same time that I had to return to work.

He also dropped his morning nap and I had to work out a new time to shower. I found 5.45am to be the most effective time to get a full lather rinse repeat in. I waited to shave my legs until the weekend when the Greek God(zilla) was home and could cover.

It took a while for us to work out a morning schedule, an evening schedule and the right childcare for him and I won't pretend it was easy. The first year after I returned to work, tested me again both physically & emotionally. I seemed to constantly be with a cold, a cough, mouth ulcers or chicken pox. Worse than all of these ailments though was the attacks of WMG (Working Mother Guilt) that would sneak up on me daily.

We powered on through though and when the right childcare was in place and with a shared drop-off and pick-up system, life has certainly seemed a lot less stressful.

The Greek God(zilla) and I work different hours - he is usually out of the door by 6.30am but home by 4ish. I'm on a regular 9-5.30 office shift.

Zachy and I have developed our own little weekday morning routine that seems to work for us. There's a bit of a teeth brushing conflict to iron out (he does not want to brush his teeth/I do want him to brush his teeth) but I manage to get us both out of bed, watered, dressed and out the door on time most days. With a bit of help from Ben & Holly's Little Kingdom.

The Greek God(zilla) does the afternoon pick up and bath (result!). I get home for the last hour of stories, teeth brushing (grrrrrr), cuddles and bedtime.

Then, either the Greek Godzilla or I will make dinner, depending on what is on the menu - we each have our own skill sets!

We might put a load of laundry on or stack the dishwasher or tidy up Lego bricks.

We might watch Eastenders, he might watch a dvd in bed and I might blog. Sometimes there is wine. Once in a while, one of us will arrange to go out with our friends and now & then we might arrange to go out with each other. Now and then.

At weekends, we take a day each on the early shift (& I take my sleep-in almost every week now) but try to all have breakfast together.

Zachy might then have a friend over to play or we'll do some painting, singing, counting, play with cars, read stories, puzzles, make playdoh dinosaurs, bake cupcakes, water the plants or go to the park for a whizz round on his scooter.

There's the odd toddler tantrum here and there, and the big meltdowns are not pleasant by any means, but they do not feel like the end of the world either and generally life is much simpler now that Zachy is two & a half.

I still worry if he is getting enough stimulation or too much. I still worry if he is eating enough or too much. I still worry if he is sleeping enough or too much. I worry that I am not doing enough or too much. I worry a lot.

But being a mother does not feel as hard as it did, as often as it did. I crave more time with Zachy, not a break from him. I no longer think wistfully back to how free I once was to come and go as I please.

It is good.

Easy, even.

Dare I say, fun...?

Am I doing it wrong?]]> tag:www.huffingtonpost.com,2012:/theblog//3.1298703 2012-02-24T19:00:00-05:00 2012-04-25T05:12:01-04:00

Sarah Pylas http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-pylas/ Malory Towers series by torchlight under my bedcovers. Long car journeys to Devon with the family provided even more bonus reading hours and I could easily get through a whole book in a single trip. I absorbed myself in those stories and remember begging my parents to send me off to boarding school so I could replicate the life on the pages for myself.

As I grew older, my love of reading continued. I think I must have read Little Women over 15 times as a teenager. Other favourites included Jane Eyre, Emma and The Outsiders.

I would become so engrossed in the characters and their stories that I'd easily lose entire weekends to books.

In fact you would rarely find me without a book on the go. They became my constant companion on my commute to work, on flights and on lazy summer days in the park. I could not imagine a time when I would not read.

Then, I had a baby.

Like most pregnant women, I had envisioned my maternity leave being the time when I would finally get round to reading all those classics gathering dust on our bookshelf. I even thought I might have a bit of time to write a book of my own! Oh, how naïve I was...

Unfortunately, the only books I got round to reading during the first few months of my son's life, were sleep training books, weaning books and Twilight. When I returned to work a year later, the only books I was reading were children's bedtime stories.

I started reading to my son from the day he was born. He did not understand a word of course, or even look at the pictures, but I like to think he enjoyed listening to my voice before he fell asleep. He is now 2½ years old and reading is his absolute favourite activity. He will ask to go to bed early, excited for his story. He has memorised every single word from his favourite Mr Men books, so I'll often find him in his room, flicking through the pages of Mr Bounce and narrating the story out loud to his toys. His love of reading is evident and long may it continue.

However, my own love of reading is more of a distant memory these days. I have a growing pile of books on my bedside table that I have good intentions of starting every day, but I am so shattered from working full-time and raising a toddler that I usually just crash out as soon as my head hits the sofa.

Weekends are filled with play-dates, family, friends and tackling the laundry. Much like going to the cinema, reading has become something that I used to do and much like high heels and size 10 jeans, books have become something that really only belong in the life I used to live.

Recently, I have turned to blogs or magazines to accompany a lunchtime sandwich at my desk and this has suited me well, simply because of their length and ease of reading in the 30 minutes or so that I have.

However, Galaxy Quick Reads recently launched eight new books written by some of the world's best-selling authors including Maeve Binchy, Tony Parsons, Alexander McCall Smith and Lynda La Plante. Each book is short and easy to read so I managed to finish Quantum of Tweed, by Conn Uggulden, during a couple of lunch breaks at work, and it felt absolutely marvellous!

I'd forgotten how much I love reading books and I suppose over time, had gotten out of the habit too, but rediscovering the sheer pleasure that comes from sitting down with a good book was totally addictive.

With my restored confidence in my ability to start a book and actually finish it, I made a start on The Cleverness of Ladies, by Alexander McCall Smith, this week.

You never know, I might even progress back up to a full sized novel again one of these days!

Galaxy Quick Reads books are available in high street bookstores, major supermarkets, libraries, via iTunes and online, and are priced at £1.99 each.]]>