I am a Mental health and parenting blogger. Blogging about my personal experiences. I have a beautiful two year old girl and hubby.
I am a mental health and parent blogger, blogging about my personal experiences.After being diagnosed with PTSD and PND. I am a mum to a beautiful little girl and wife to an amazing husband. I hope by sharing my experiences it help at least one person. I have my personal blog via http://mummythomasblog.wordpress.com.
I've realised how important self-care is since having a child and dealing with a mental illness. I was so exhausted from the trauma. Dealing with the aftermath and being diagnosed with PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) and PND , I generally felt like a completely different person.
Guilt is such an awful feeling. We all feel guilty at some point in our lives. I feel it everyday when I look at my daughter playing. I ask myself: Why wasn't I able to be there for her in the beginning? Why did I have to have a traumatic birth? Why do I have a mental illness?
When things get too much I struggle to rationalise things and my emotions get the better of me. I cry or walk off. I may say things I don't mean because I can't process things quickly enough. I don't get my opinions across as I'd like.
Your baby's first birthday is supposed to be a special moment. The excitement of splashing out on presents and decorations. Having cake and a big number one balloon. Having family and friends round with music and party food.
I did the house work and made sure everything was ready for her when she woke up. I couldn't sit down. I looked for things to do to keep me busy. I became obsessed with cleaning. Anything to keep my mind busy.
The days of fitting into my size eight skinny jeans have gone. I am lucky if I could get them past my thighs now. I am trying to rock the curvy figure. I think I'm finally happy with my body as I have come to realise I won't get my pre baby body back - so sod it!
Every woman's pregnancy and birth is different. Mine started out with difficulty because we had IVF. Once we were successful we had our six week scan and we were transferred to the NHS for the remainder of our care. It went downhill from there.
1.My daughter loves having a tantrum when we are shopping. I use to be mortified. Bright red face, everyone looking as I slowly scoop my child off the floor while trying to exit the building in a form of stealth mode seen only in James Bond. Now I just let her get on with it and almost feel like throwing myself down there right alongside her.
The days of going out for a nice meal with the hubby are gone. These days I get excited when my husband comes home so I can have a cuppa on my own, use the bathroom by myself or even have a bath without a rubber duck or princess Elsa launched at me.
I became over protective and when I did take her out I gripped the buggy so tight my knuckles went white. I constantly looked around. I hated when people came over to the buggy. I just wanted to stay in my house and shut the world out.
Six days passed with no tests. Doctors glimpsed, gasped and then walked away, never the same one twice. I was terrified, ashamed and embarrassed. I felt like I wasn't meant to be a mother. I still hadn't held or bonded with my baby girl.
15/08/2017 17:04 BST
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