Would multi-millionaire. Would be celebrated writer. Sadly neither (yet).
Once a moderately successful advertising copywriter, Paul Marshall is now in the business of import and export, which he's sad to report isn't a front for something far more nefarious and lucrative. When not working, he occasionally enjoys inflicting his invariably dumb opinions on anyone who's bored enough to read about them. Despite being alive for half a century, he's still trying to find his place in the world. He doubts that this will ever happen.
We often regret something we did in the past. A decision we rushed into without being fully aware of the facts or the consequences of our behaviour. An action that with the glorious benefit of hindsight we might well have abstained from altogether. These are the things that once done cannot be undone. Or can they? Before you get too excited, Aston most definitely isn't returning to Strictly.
Shirley couldn't resist once again laying into the routine dreamt up by Brendan. The ensuing couple of minutes, when it appeared as if they may actually come to blows, definitely made for uncomfortable, yet weirdly compulsive viewing.
Ever since Sir Bruce Forsyth left Strictly Come Dancing, it hasn't been the same as it was under his effortless old school showbiz control. Having soft shoe shuffled off this mortal coil, what better tribute could there have been for the man and the programme he made his own than if this is where it had ended?
Personality wise, the actor has imbued the nation's favourite fictional spy with the charismatic appeal of a past his prime, pumped up gym instructor. This means that any villain has to work doubly hard to compensate. But of late they've simply paled next to former dastardly greats such as Auric Goldfinger and Francisco Scaramanga.
At 74, he has proved that age is no barrier to ambition and for this he should be applauded. No matter what profession we're in, we all deserve one last hurrah. You can't help feeling that this is his.
Therefore, expect the thorny issue of social care to shortly raise its ugly head again and continue to be a major headache for a country that cannot possibly finance its ageing population. On that joyous note, I don't know about you, but from a personal and purely selfish perspective, I hope I live till 120, while milking the system for all its worth.
Ironically, as we're about to leave Europe, we're almost becoming increasingly European in how we view our fellow citizens. As a nation state, if we're not careful, we'll fast be in danger of ending up a more caring, more considerate and more compassionate group of people. It's difficult to say whether these feelings will last - we're also a pretty fickle bunch. As long as they do though, we might well have Jeremy Corbyn to blame for them. Or should that be thank?
In essence, the Tory grandees sent Theresa May into battle as ill-equipped to fight an election as the soldiers their ancestors once sent over the top to fight in WW1. By the time they realised their mistake, it was too late to retreat.