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Tony Schumacher

Writer, stand-up who does odd bits of radio and TV... very odd

Tony Schumacher is sitting here, on the outskirts Liverpool, England, wondering if he should write his author profile in the third person or not. He thinks that maybe if he writes in the third person it may make him sound like he has an assistant who does this sort of thing, but in truth, he just has a dog, and the dog (Boo, in case you ever meet him and want to say "hello") is rubbish at typing.

Born in Liverpool at the end of the sixties (it looks like he has decided the third person thing is worth sticking with) he found himself missing out on all the fun stuff and having to grow up wearing flares and lots of brown nylon.

He attended schools of varying degrees of dampness and peeling paint and left, finally, in 1983 to huge sighs of relief all around. He has presented the odd piece for the BBC Politics Show but now they don't return his calls due to him being a diva and also being rubbish. He can often be heard on local radio, unless you are quick with the off button and his website is here and his blog Rear View Mirror is here.

He has written a book entitled Rear View Mirror which recounts his time working as a cab driver on the streets of Liverpool of a night (better than it sounds honest) and also has published several short stories for the kindle via Amazon.

He does not drive a Ferrari and is not related to Michael and you will not be the first person who has thought of that joke.

Clowns to the Left, Jokers to the Right

Just looking at the list of people being talked about for the Labour and Tory leadership, and I can't help but think what a bunch of no mark political lightweights they mostly are. Barely one of them has any experience outside of politics, law, media, or charity. And not one of them looks like they could successfully run a corner shop let alone a country.
30/06/2016 09:24 BST

Why Not Fall in Love With Me?

"Over sixty percent of the sixty million people who are regular Thriller/Suspense readers in the USA, say they are reluctant to buy a book by an author they haven't read before..." That means that approximately thirty six million people in the USA don't trust me.
09/11/2015 13:52 GMT

Are You Brave Enough?

I read it, and even though I was only a kid my mind was truly blown. I think since then I've managed to read pretty much everything else PKD wrote, and it is a stunning body of work. But <em>The Man in the High Castle</em>, for me, stands literally head and shoulders over all the rest.
27/07/2015 10:58 BST

Misery

Misery is as good as it gets for me, and I'm always happy to chat about it at writer events. Just do me one favour though, if we ever meet, please don't tell me you're my number one fan, I'll not sleep if you do.
16/07/2015 18:16 BST

Forget Spelling, Learn Selling if You Want to Write

One of the few things I have done right (eventually) was managing to get a deal with Harper Collins and having my debut novel "The Darkest Hour" published in the USA and UK. Finally, I did something right. Except I didn't. I made a ton of mistakes as a debut author... so I thought I would list them here...
26/03/2015 18:58 GMT

The Best Policy?

I know it sounds daft (although not as daft as The Greens' housing policies) but before we jump up and down and crucify her (I may already be a bit late) let me make my argument.
25/02/2015 09:31 GMT

Questions Questions Questions

What are you still doing here? You're like a stray following me home; shoo... go away... start writing! Alright, we both know I don't really want you to go away, otherwise I would have just stopped writing and gone and made another coffee.
13/02/2015 17:27 GMT

The Danger of the Nice Cup of Tea Party

If just one of the main parties had someone who was a bit normal, able to galvanise, able to connect with the man on the street, able to rise above the other weak willed leaders all around them, they'd walk this election. It's just a shame that the only leader who fits that description is in charge of UKIP.
26/01/2015 12:13 GMT

Stephen Lawrence and the Shame of the Police

What has happened over Hillsborough has depressed me, what has happened recently regarding the Stephen Lawrence family has depressed me, what has happened over undercover officers in various organisations has depressed me. But what has depressed me the most is that none of it has surprised me.
24/06/2013 13:14 BST

The Gates of Hell

Now I'm not downplaying these assaults, they are serious and distressing and should never be tolerated. But today it is 2012, the world is a vastly different place from the 80's. As much as we like to pretend, a great many mixed workplaces in those days were like a poorly written seventies sitcom full of lecherous men with wandering hands at Christmas parties and battle axe women who touched up young apprentices.
10/10/2012 09:31 BST

I Pay Your Wages!

Many years ago, in a past life, long before I was a stand up comedian and a writer, I was a Policeman. Don't ask me how it happened (the police thing, not the stand up and writing thing (although come to think of it, I don't know how that happened either)), it just did.
26/09/2012 11:52 BST

Don't Panic!

Maybe we should ask Samuel L Jackson to be president of the new world? If not him... who do you reckon should lead us from the panic land to the promised land?
23/08/2012 12:07 BST

Football is Back

Football is back! Hang on, that wasn't loud enough, let's try this... "FOOTBALL! YES! FOOTBAAAAAAAALLLLL! FOOTBALL IS BACK!"
21/08/2012 09:40 BST

Olympic Fever

Radio Five told me the other day that the country was "gripped by Olympic Fever", so I looked out of the window to check. It was difficult to tell, but my next door neighbour, Ken, didn't look like he was gripped by it as he was weeding his garden
25/07/2012 08:56 BST