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Porn Is for Women Too!

30/04/2015 21:29 BST | Updated 30/06/2015 10:59 BST

So apparently there's a new fascination with 'porn for women.' As an avid porn watcher, I agree that it's generally 'wham, bam, thank you ma'am' with no clitoris action and absolutely zero chance of the woman actually being able to orgasm.

Then I came across the sections of porn sites and articles in women's magazines which are supposedly 'porn for women.' Well I'm sorry but women don't necessarily want romance or to watch a film whilst masturbating - sometimes we just want to whack a quickie out. (Such classy terminology!)

Knowing my own preferences and those of my friends, we don't need this 'for women' rubbish which, yeah, is a nice thought, but really, we just need to do a bit of digging. For amateur female porn-watchers, I would suggest starting with a website like pornhub.com and looking under the category of 'lesbian.' I know what you're thinking - why would I want to watch lesbian porn when I'm a heterosexual woman with no fantasies about women? Well, that, my friend, I cannot answer, it's just a well known fact that women who watch porn, pretty often prefer lesbian porn. It may be because there's less vigorous 'pounding' action which probably just doesn't do it for us and less erm... fists and Turkey-stuffing. (Again, such beautiful terminology.)

Failing that, check out the 'massage' sections of these free websites. These videos are sensual and relatable for women and I know a fair few women who are partial to this type of porn. The first tip though, is on avoiding pop-ups! They're the world's worst thing when you have an agenda to fulfil and they keep ruining the moment. Find a website that works for you, and stick to it. It might mean that it pops up in your 'Most Visited' websites on your iPhone Safari - but c'est la vie! Whatever you do - DO NOT PAY! My friend (who shall remain nameless, but has very famous thighs) has been conned several times into purchasing videos which turned out to be absolutely rubbish because of pop-ups and sending texts, clicking on the wrong thing, so stay vigilant!

Further advice: pop to your local Ann Summers. Through years of experience and trial and error, me and my friends all recommend the 'golden bullet.' If you want something more substantial, make sure it has friendly bunny ears and isn't too big - not good. Size definitely matters, but not in the way men think. It's sometimes better to have a bit of leeway!

Masturbation is a very healthy habit - despite the word not even being in my phone's dictionary - so don't let anyone ever make you feel bad or guilty for doing it. It's very personal and as you go along - unless you're a pro, like I expect most of you are - you'll find what suits you along the way. I'm hoping my Mum doesn't read this article... Can I say the word masturbate on The Huffington Post?