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Why Remaking Point Break Is A Mistake

15/04/2013 15:11 BST | Updated 12/06/2013 10:12 BST

We hear the words reboot or remake so often these days, hardened film fans have given up rolling their eyes and punching their popcorn boxes. For modern Hollywood, name recognition is everything and that's why over the past few years we've had yet another Spider-Man origin story, a mediocre retread of Red Dawn and the bloke who made Underworld doing Total Recall, to the applause of absolutely no-one.

Yes, I can forgive the idea that American audiences want an English-language version of a foreign hit (Girl With The Dragon Tattoo). But the argument that "Hamlet's been done loads of times", or that the cinema-going audience is constantly refreshing itself and therefore aren't aware of previous versions is, quite frankly, bollocks.

The problem is, now they're starting on the really good ones. The Robocops, the Dirty Dancings, Romancing The Stone(?!) - these were innovative, fun blockbuster movies which are readily available on DVD and TV. And aside from the odd deceased star or pre-CGI special effect (which should be relished not removed from existence), they still hold up remarkably well as pieces of entertainment.

Which leads me to Point Break. Point bloody Break. The kind of film men want to be in and women want the men who are already in it. The Swayz. A still slightly wooden but nevertheless perfectly cast Keanu. A tight, clever script. Nailbiting action worthy of hilarious British parody (Hot Fuzz). Surfing. Kathryn Bigelow before the Oscar but still at the top of her game. Gary Busey before he went weird. Anthony fricking Kiedis.

Anyway, you get the point. It's awesome. And now, according to the movie news grapevine, it's being rebootmade™. By a director called Ericson Core, no doubt a very nice chap, with a name that sounds like a South African drilling company. And it's set in the world of extreme sports. Because, you know, Xtreme sports are really cool and like you can do parkour and skateboarding because that's what the kids love and stuff, right?

Wrong. You remake Girl With The Dragon Tattoo because millions of people can't be arsed to read subtitles. You do a hundred versions of Macbeth because the writing is so complex and universal that each one can yield myriad subtext or reflections on our own modern-day existence.

Point Break is Point Break. There's nothing to interpret. And while some of the surfer dialogue is a bit weird, overall it's pretty understandable.

What are you going to do, put a spin on its iconic scenes? Have TWO people rolling around on the ground shooting their guns in the air and going ARGH? Get Channing Tatum to play a character called Billy Montana? Be all political by having the bank robbers wear George W. Bush masks? The only possible new take would be to do it as a full-on, overt gay love story, which is highly unlikely to happen in a Hollywood tentpole.

It's hard to get my head round this. I mean, is there such a thing as a 2013 version of Gary Busey? Other than Jake Busey?

If this film does indeed get made, I only hope it achieves one thing: and that's give Lori Petty another role. She deserves it.