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The Clarkson Fracas - An Idiot's Guide

16/03/2015 14:58 GMT | Updated 14/05/2015 10:59 BST

STOP GEAR

This week a large portion of the nation wept into their Daily Mails, then thrust their fists in the air to curse liberals and political correctness.

"A man has every right to punch another man who offers him a free cold supper (instead of a nice warm meal), without the threat of suspension. It's madness!"

Spare a thought for recently fired Millwall boss, Ian Holloway. He's now been dismissed from 1,487 jobs. BEAT THAT JEREMY 'ONE SACKING' CLARKSON!

For me Clarkson is the reason why the internet is fucked, specifically social networks. Back in Novemeber 2011 the curly-haired gobshite JOKINGLY said the following about public sector strikers -

"I'd have them all shot. I would take them outside and execute them in front of their families. I mean how dare they go on strike when they've got these gilt-edged pensions that are going to be guaranteed while the rest of us have to work for a living."

This resulted in an instant apology on the live TV show which aired his views, then one of the very first internet shit-storms was born. Now there's one every other day. Thanks a lot Jezza!!

It's staggering just how many online cunts were unable to differentiate between a joke and serious comment. And it was incredibly depressing too, as it meant people like me had to DEFEND Jeremy Clarkson. Galling.

This week Jeremy Clarkson has got in trouble with words again, words that were in the shape of a fist.

In any normal job one can expect to be sacked immediately after allegedly punching a colleague in the face, so it was amazing that people even bothered to begin a campaign for Clarkson's dismissal. It's a given. You're wasting your time and clogging up my Facebook news feed. IDIOTS!

Even more bizarre was Clarkson's defenders. To date 400,000 dads and granddads have signed a petition calling for Rocky Balboa to be reinstated. With his fans often citing ridiculous reasons for him to be saved. IDIOTS!

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The Mirror says "70% of Top Gear fans want Jezza to stay, 30% want him sacked", but all 100% agree the show should feature some type of tall, prejudiced gaff-machine who drives sports-cars that no normal viewer can ever afford.

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Poor old Richard Hammond has once again been upstaged by his bully - Clarkson's car crash has generated far more column inches than the Hamster's.

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So Clarkson fans, stop being a Stig in the mud - demand change! Demand a new host of Top Gear. How about... a FEMALE PRESENTER?!

In a world full of internet hyperbole and over-exaggerations, I think if Jeremy Clarkson saw a female replace him it would literally BLOW HIS MIND. Or it would at least annoy the bigoted prick for a while. I'm happy with either outcome.

Begin petitioning... NOW.