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TV's Latest Weird Lord Lucan Theory: It's One Hell of a Stretch

19/12/2013 16:53 GMT | Updated 18/02/2014 10:59 GMT

There are many obscure and bizarre theories floating around out there about what might have happened to Lord Lucan after he disappeared in 1974. That is why this incredible mystery has turned into such a fantastical myth.

But even so... the weird ending of ITV's latest Lord Lucan two-parter - Lucan - was, well, one hell of a stretch.

First though, and just to put things in context, I do have form on this one. Like everyone else, I also have my own views on what happened to Lucan after he murdered his children's nanny in 1974 and then disappeared off the face of the earth.

The only difference is that I have taken it just that one step further than most. I've written the book - Lord Lucan: My Story.

It's Lord Lucan's story. In his own words.

Just like it says on the cover.

In my researches, I came across many unbelievably peculiar ideas about where on earth Lucan ended up.

But none of these theories was quite as whacked as what was being suggested on ITV last night.

Just as many people believe, the programme-makers said Lucan was spirited out of the country by his crooked friends, in particular those two multi-millionaire scoundrels John Aspinall and Jimmy Goldsmith.

Lucan is then left holed up in a Swiss chalet, where he spends his time drinking vodka and writing great rambling screeds to the mischief-maker-in-chief, Aspinall. (Though bizarrely in the TV programme, Lucan never once cuts his hair or shaves off his trademark moustache. Bit of a surprise that he managed to stay hidden so long without being spotted.)

Anyway, after a year or so Lucan got fed up with being stuck in his Swiss bunker. He missed his three children. He said he wanted to go back to Britain to face the music.

Aspinall arranged it for Lucky Lord Lucan to be spirited on board a little fishing boat. There he is crossing the Channel, aristocratic head in the breeze as he savours the salt air.

Then: Bang!

Lucan is shot dead and chucked over the side of the boat.

Apparently his arrival back in England would have caused such an embarrassment to Goldsmith and Aspinall that they had him murdered.

What??

Well, on the plus side, I have been sniffing around this murder-mystery for years - and I certainly didn't see that one coming.

What a twist! Killed by the very people who got him out of the country in the first place! And then ultimately fed to the fishes - just as he'd planned to do with the body of his estranged wife the Countess of Lucan. The irony of it!

It was convenient for the programme-makers, of course, that the "source" for this story was Susan Maxwell-Scott, who was the last person who ever admitted to seeing Lord Lucan alive.

Susan died in 2004 - so that, as we know, means it's a free-for-all. You can write what you like.

Not that I have any problem with that. I've done it myself.

Though it does take some considerable chutzpah to then dress this story up as "fact".

I think that, just for the sake of veracity, it would have been more accurate if, right from the start, this TV programme had been correctly labelled. It's a technical term - and it's generally known as: "Complete fantasy".