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B.J. Epstein

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The 'Most Selfless Sexual Act': Anal Sex, Teenagers, Pegging and Literature

Posted: 01/05/2012 00:00

WARNING: This blog contains adult content

Of late, there have been a number of news stories about anal sex and in particular how it is becoming more common. You might wonder how private sexual acts are newsworthy, but there are a few reasons here.

One is the rather obvious point that not all sexually active people are aware of which STIs they can get from which sexual acts. If more people are having anal sex but are not using proper protection, we could see an increase in the percentage of people with some sort of STI. Thus, this becomes a health issue, potentially an international one.

Another reason is that anal sex is apparently becoming more common in porn, which means that young men, who seem to learn a lot about sex from porn, are starting to expect it as just a matter-of-course sexual act. Young women are thereby feeling pressured to give men access via the back door, something not everyone is comfortable with or finds pleasurable, although there certainly are many who do. So an issue here is whether women have the confidence to speak up and say what they actually want or don't want in bed.

Of course, this affects others as well: there may be some heterosexual men or lesbians who feel pressured to be pegged by their girlfriends, or gay men who feel that in order to be "real" gays, they have to have anal sex. All this means that we need to teach about anal sex in sex education courses and also to discuss ways of talking about desire. Young people need help with this, so they have the strength to only agree to acts that they really want to do.

So naturally, since anal sex isn't a common topic in sex ed, I've turned to young adult literature to see what teenaged readers might learn about the topic from fiction. Interestingly, I've found almost no explicit mentions of it, especially in books with heterosexual or lesbian couples.

I wondered if young adult novels that featured gay males might be more likely to refer to anal sex, even though it is obviously only one of many things that gay male couples (or, indeed, any couple) might do in bed. But even those books are surprisingly shy. Characters might have sex, but there isn't much detail and there's very little reference to anal matters.

In Robin Reardon's Thinking Straight, the main protagonist has to describe having sex with his boyfriend to his reverend as a way of "purging" the feelings. Here, what he describes is oral sex. The bottom is scarcely touched.

In Alex Sanchez's Rainbow trilogy, which follows three male teenagers (two gay and one bisexual) through their high school years, the characters have plenty of sex (or "make love", as they are more liable to put it). However, the sex might be described as "entering one another" (as in Rainbow Road), with no explanation of which body part is entering which other body part. There are many possibilities for a reader to imagine.

Perhaps since anal sex has traditionally been linked to gay men, a reader might imagine that act. But would that tell a reader anything about how anal sex feels, how people engage in it, or what its aftermath might be?

Naturally, fiction need not necessarily reflect what really goes on in the world. But considering that it's a major source for young people in particular to get information, one might think that authors would try to include some beneficial details.

Sanchez, for example, often refers to HIV and the importance of using condoms. So why not talk about what anal sex actually feels like or what would happen if a young gay male wasn't interested in it?

Similarly, authors writing sex scenes featuring other types of couplings in young adult novels might want to start including anal sex. If it is in fact becoming a new form of 'vanilla' sex and if more young people expect to get it from their partners and/or are expected to provide it for their partners, then those young people should get some information about it. And literature is a wonderful way of allowing readers to learn about and experience new things.

In an article in Jezebel, Hugo Schwyzer, a professor at Pasadena City College, calls anal sex "the most selfless of common sexual acts", because it is intimate and can be very painful. He writes, "more than any other sex act, anal simultaneously symbolises both the capacity to push through suffering and the willingness to please. For a generation uniquely acclimated to pressure, anxiety, and pain, It's little wonder that this once taboo act has become so celebrated, so popular, so expected."

If anal sex really is so "expected" and "popular" for the younger generation, adults need to be the "selfless" ones and to give young people information about it. Literature is one of the best ways to talk to people about the pleasures and the pains of the butt, so it's time for authors to enter the conversation about the rear.

 

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WARNING: This blog contains adult content Of late, there have been a number of news stories about anal sex and in particular how it is becoming more common. You might wonder how private sexual acts ...
WARNING: This blog contains adult content Of late, there have been a number of news stories about anal sex and in particular how it is becoming more common. You might wonder how private sexual acts ...
 
 
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Ppenguinator
Life's too imprtant to be taken seriously.
09:06 PM on 05/03/2012
Inversely, It could be considered the most selfish act one could request.
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iLdoRight
Encouraging The Rightest Rightness
11:16 AM on 05/02/2012
I have seen people who would not celebrate Mother's Day or Father's Day because they do not want to make people feel bad who would like to be mothers or fathers, but can't. Then there are people who don't care how bad they make other people feel. Do you suppose there will ever be any justice ?
10:33 AM on 05/03/2012
What?
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Nathan0316
TrueBlueTory Age quod agis
10:12 PM on 05/01/2012
I'm an avid fan of sci-fi literature (bear with me, there is a point to be made here) and in a lot of the books being written today about life in the future, there is an assumption that people will lose their inhibitions concerning gay, straight, bi, transgender etc and just have sex with others, assuming everybody wants to. To put it bluntly, if nobody complains, anything goes.

We see this attitude in TV as well, Captain Jack Harkness from Torchwood being the most high-profile example. If that's the case, then it seems this attitude is starting now and we should try to prepare our children for the world ahead, not the one we knew. Logically therefore, if people are going to attempt it, there should be information concerning it, the pros and cons, the risks and the pleasures, available to anyone who wants to look.

It's not something I've ever wanted to try, but as there as those that will, surely it's better that they do so safely?
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Valksy
civis mundi sum
08:51 PM on 05/01/2012
Are you sure that you are not arguing from a deeply faulty premise? Is there any actual proof that it is "more popular", or is it just that people are less repressed and hysterical about sex and more willing to talk about subjects that were otherwise taboo?

Whatever the sex act, people should understand how to take care of themselves properly and practice safer sex (note, safeR sex can involve two couples who don't use a barrier method because they are thoroughly tested over the relevant time periods and are completely monogamous).

Being squeamish helps no one. Give people the information and tools that they need. Anyone getting pain needs to be told to try prep, lube and patience for a start.

I had to teach myself, seek out materials, deal with the matter alone. As a gay woman, no one ever gave me a single sex education lesson. When I was at school and all we had was talks on procreation, STDs and diagrams that did not even include a labelled clitoris (obviously, I knew what it was, but what about the boys in the lecture?! It's a pretty important thing to ignore). I knew nothing and didn't have a clue how lesbians could practice safer sex.
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Paul Wagland
Resistance is fertile
07:50 PM on 05/06/2012
Well said, but I fear many people have a great deal of growing up to do before society is anything like as sensible as your post.
05:06 PM on 05/08/2012
Agreed. Society still maintains such fear and anxiety over sex that issues like this will not be at the forefront of conversations for generations. No matter how dire the consequences of misinformation and ignorance. Apparently most feel safer just to ignore the facts. Kudos to you B J on the topic!
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06:11 PM on 05/01/2012
i think the world should go back to the way it was in the 50's and 60's far less problems with the world and none of this"well there doing it in porno movies so i go to" bullcrap. i know this is unrealistic but it seems throughout the years from then till now americans and the world as a whole have gone through reverse evolution as far as intelligence .which in the end we can only blame ourselves. our leaders,parents and other role models havent proper educate the younger group.so of course there going to turn to tv and movies.
08:59 PM on 05/01/2012
you're so right. We should go back to rationing, racism, segregation, and homophobia. Everything was so much better before the pill, before sexual education(/liberation), before the Beatles and Bieber. It was so much easier when we could ignore famine and poverty in Africa, when we could mock the Blacks in the South and laugh at the poor living conditions in the USSR. The evils of the internet, mobile phones, televisions, glass/steel/concrete and plastics. In fact....why the 50s-60s?? Why not 1800s - an Austen-esque world where everybody is polite and our only problem is whether we can find a suitable wife/husband. Or better still - Neanderthal man probably didn't have a mortgage or a 9-5 and I can almost guarantee they weren't pressured into disgusting sex acts! Ah, those were the days
10:36 AM on 05/03/2012
Ah, DavidKepesh, but you are talking about the rich Neanderthals. We were so poor, we had no food at all for weeks, but our treat was to walk past the cave up the valley every other Wednesday, where we were allowed to look at someone who had seen a mammoth bone once. Ah, good times!
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05:37 PM on 05/01/2012
" . . . calls anal sex "the most selfless of common sexual acts", BECAUSE it is INTIMATE and can be VERY PAINFUL."

Are the Pasadena professor and Ms. Epstein out of their minds? They want to promote this to our young people? "I love you so much, I will endure intense pain for your brief pleasure"??

Why would we link intimacy with acceptance of great pain? If I had a daughter, I would teach her never to tolerate that, and it never occurred to me to teach my son that, because I thought it obvious you don't hurt others for pleasure. Certainly, someone who loves you will not hurt you for their own pleasure.

Mutual enjoyment of any sex act is a great thing. What people do is their own business, and if they like it and no one is physically or emotionally harmed, great. But linking deliberate infliction of pain with a lover's intimacy is completely twisted.

It's what a subservient, abused young woman or other person in a weaker position would be encouraged to offer to an abusive male or otherwise more powerful lover.

If a sex act isn't desirable and pleasurable to both parties, it isn't an intimate act, To teach our youth that sacrificing themselves to the extent of needing to "push through suffering" and thereby "demonstrate the willingness to please" is demeaning to them and sheer lunacy if we expect them to establish healthy, loving, mutually respectful relationships and to have self-respect.
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Paul Wagland
Resistance is fertile
07:39 PM on 05/06/2012
I agree with you to a point - but this is a question of degree. It is perfectly possible for something to be painful and pleasurable at the same time.
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Jackscottbodrum
Author of Perking the Pansies
03:55 PM on 05/01/2012
I live in Turkey (a secular state with a Muslim majority) where meaningful female sexual liberation is a distant dream and girls must remain virgins (or at least pretend) until they marry. Of course, this applies to boys as well but this inconvenient fact is conveniently ignored by most. My Turkish friends tell me that anal sex is commonly used to preserve a woman's virtue. Interestingly, as a gay man, I've never felt pressured to have anal sex. It's not such a big deal to the many gay I have known down the (many) years.
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WhyBeadNormal
I live by the Golden Rule...
02:45 PM on 05/01/2012
One thing not addressed here is that many young girls are pressured into it by their boyfriends because they feel if they don't do something sexual, he will find another girl. They believe that anal sex is not "real" sex so they are still a virgin. That logic is so convoluted because anal sex takes so much more trust in your partner and you are so vulnerable.....and young men may not stop when she says to, thinking she will just "work through the pain" as the author states. This could do a lifetime of damage.

I have two girls and I have listened over the years and we have had some very frank discussions. I always tell them that they should never do something they are uncomfortable doing and under no circumstances should they stay with a guy who tries to guilt them into it.
05:31 PM on 05/01/2012
Yes, I was going to write about that as well, but the article would have gotten way too long, so I focused on the connections to literature. It's true -- many young people believe anal sex isn't "real" sex, and thus girls are doing it as a way of preserving their virginity. It's dismaying that we're still a society where girls are expected to be virgins, and it's also dismaying that there is so little understanding of anal sex.
12:41 PM on 05/01/2012
It seems to me that in all of the bleating about what knowledge we should educating our children with, the missing ingredient is self-esteem. With self-esteem comes confidence, with confidence comes the ability to make ones own choices (despite peer pressure), and when a person is following their own course of action they take more responsibility for consequences.

The only problem with that is that you cannot teach self-esteem. Expecting our education system or government to take responsibility for imparting knowledge on our youth is one thing. Recognising that, as parents and as a society as a whole, we have an even greater responsibility for the self-esteem and emotional development of the younger generation is quite another.

I agree with the premise of what is in the article, awareness is important, but only part of the battle.
12:26 PM on 05/01/2012
Good article. Most useful to raise these issues. I just have one comment to add. You say:

'' ..Perhaps since anal sex has traditionally been linked to gay men, ..''

True now. But Kinsey in France in (I vaguely recall) late 1970's found a very high proportion of Roman Catholic married couples using anal sex as a means of preventing conception.

So, for me, habitual use of anal sex was associated with Mediterranean Catholics and gays. What research has been conducted in the Untied States into Roman Catholics using this form of contraception?
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Paul Wagland
Resistance is fertile
07:54 PM on 05/06/2012
I would say there's also a link with all-boys schools, at least in the UK. Not due to homosexuality, rather the simple question of availability!
08:03 AM on 05/01/2012
Stupid idea led by the porn industry and do you know why? Because in the 60's the US government outlawed vaginal sex in movies so the "stars" started putting it elsewhere. Now it's apparently a mainstream thing even though it's painful and dangerous (std's, bruising and bleeding etc) some people are obviously really too stupid for words.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Shred Pillai
07:03 AM on 05/01/2012
A bold and welcome early warning of a generation which could alleviate agony of the future generation from ignorance. The writer and The Huffington Post deserve kudos for this brave exposure.
02:35 AM on 05/01/2012
I think at bottom, young people are very ignorant of the s.t.d risk indeed.
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retromoderne
Born right the first time
01:52 AM on 05/01/2012
It's stories like this one that make me really glad to be 50. I hate the way porn has infiltrated the world and believe me, kids ARE watching a lot of it. My 18 year old daughter came home early from a friend's the other night because they were watching zombie porn and she wasn't interested. Kids in high school are watching it during class; just a little more surreptitiously than the college students who sit in lectures with it on their laptops. Why should I - or more particularly, my daughter - be expected to wax or shave because that's the way porn presents women?
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Christian Howell
The STEM. The Whole STEM. Nothing but the STEM.
12:32 AM on 05/01/2012
I've got my cross and garlic...Stay back...
07:28 PM on 05/01/2012
and garlic is for what?
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Christian Howell
The STEM. The Whole STEM. Nothing but the STEM.
03:01 AM on 05/02/2012
Blu Trood