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BritChick Paris

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Have We Given Up Being Nice?

Posted: 24/01/2013 00:00

I was in the queue in a supermarket today and the woman behind me kept bumping her trolley into me. She obviously wanted to jump ahead but my shopping was half way through the till.

I bit my tongue but when she knocked my calves for the umpteenth time I had to say something. She was so surprised that I had dared speak out and immediately went on the defensive, effing and blinding.

I then went to another shop and overheard an old fella doing the same thing to another chap trying to push in. We live in a villagey suburb so cant even blame it on the hustle and bustle of the metropolis.

I think it is a bigger problem than that. We have lost respect for our fellow human beings. We don't respect their personal space, their feelings, their boundaries, them full stop. We have become so self-obsessed we can't see as far as our own nose.

You only have to watch Downton Abbey, the brilliant period drama from ITV to see how it used to be so much more pleasant and not so very long ago. Everyone considers and respects each other, upstairs and downstairs. A curtesy and a lift of the hat, a door opened and even in moment of anger politeness is maintained.

Today we have none of that deference or politeness. We jostle in the street, push in on the bus and shout on the phone in a full train carriage. We check our phones whilst eating, tweet whilst chatting and skype whilst cooking. We have no qualms saying what we want online, rubbishing this and criticising that. We will only too quickly publish intimate, personal info, photos or videos on facebook no matter the consequence. Of course there are positives to such platforms but they are at a huge price.

I noticed this Christmas especially how material pressure is through the roof and gratitude sub-zero. Daddy, I need an iPhone 5 otherwise my friends will laugh at me. Mum, can you tell the family I just want money for new year. Bla bla bla. Then after all the unwrapping the little notes that we used to send as kids have gone out the window. It's either a 'tx' via text or fresh air.

We also happily take from our friends and family, 'drain' them with our needs and problems rather than radiating out good energy and boosting them. How many times has someone called you recently and talk about them without letting you get a word in edgeways.

Worst of all is how we talk to each other. More swear words than ever, monosyllables rule and there is a dissatisfied thread. We have so much yet nothing is ever enough. It all spells one word. Ingratitude.

One of my friends runs a positive psychology program which is all about happiness (rather than issues and drama). Her book is called 3 Kifs Par Jour in French or three things to be happy for, three 'kicks'. As soon as you start looking around and being thankful for the big and little things in your lives the snappy, cynical, selfish tinge disappears.

Imagine if we all started the day thinking about the three things we are most grateful for rather than moaning about being tired, having to go to work or the bad weather. We smile at others on the tube instead of grimace - apparently the Olympics temporarily lifted commuter spirits. We let people in in front of us on the road. We actually chat to people in queues.

2013 is meant to be the year of change, the year of the snake. I'd settle for something simpler. The year of p's and q's, the year of being nice to each other, for a change.

 

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I was in the queue in a supermarket today and the woman behind me kept bumping her trolley into me. She obviously wanted to jump ahead but my shopping was half way through the till. I bit my tongue ...
I was in the queue in a supermarket today and the woman behind me kept bumping her trolley into me. She obviously wanted to jump ahead but my shopping was half way through the till. I bit my tongue ...
 
 
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03:27 PM on 01/26/2013
Well, it's the same in the US; many people are rude, loud, pushy, but maybe that is assumed!...I hold doors for people, and I also make it a point to say, "You're welcome!" if they don't acknowledge me...
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09:36 PM on 01/25/2013
Did you just judge the manners of people living in the past off of an episode of downton abbey??? :)

It would be nice if we could all be nicer. I'm shy, but I still try.
However, I'm not necessarily convinced that people are getting nastier..... it is easy to feel that way, everything is worse these days, community has disappeared etc.

I would have given you more credit if you had overtly blamed capitalism! :)
07:51 PM on 01/25/2013
I feel as though when I slow down and am more polite to others, people seem much more polite to me as well. Try making eye contact and smiling and see the difference.
06:33 PM on 01/25/2013
I think a big problem in England is the general lack of space tinged with the lifestyle. There is no release valve and any form of leisure is frowned upon due to a historical, class-driven work ethic that best belongs in a museum.
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05:24 PM on 01/25/2013
in the spirit i thank and each and one of you for your insightful and inspiring comments
01:00 PM on 01/25/2013
I've always been of the opion you treat others the way you wish to be treated yourself. I was raised this way and this is how I have raised my two daughters. They are teenagers now and their friends are polite and respectful as are they, it seems that like attracts like, so if more people acted with manners and respect this would rub off others. I have on many occasion stood up to queue jumpers, people using foul language in front of my children when they were younger. and every time they back down when confronted with their behavour in a calm and articulate way, suppose they can't handle words with more than two sylables. But I think if more people refused to accept it they would change their ways. Afterall their just trying to bully other people so they do what they want. PS very good article
11:33 AM on 01/25/2013
Well done on an excellent post! With you on every word.

We tend to accept it now as you cannot change people but I have instilled the old values and morals in my children who have grown to respect their fellow man and expect respect in return.

When two of my girls were babies, I can remember struggling to get through heavy double glass doors in my local chemist and was halfway through with my twin pram. A man approached who I thought would open one of the doors and help me through but all he did was support himself with the doors and jumped over my babies in their pram to get into the store! I wouldnt have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes and that was 20 years ago now.
10:03 AM on 01/25/2013
Sadly it's not even the sole preserve of the younger generation. The art of civil communication seems to be heading in the same direction as migrating birds it this time of the year. Unlike the birds however I fear it may never return.
09:11 AM on 01/25/2013
Ha ha ha , it';s the same the country over. I was in a small shop on holiday in Devon . A very posh woman walked in ans tried to go to the front of the que. A man said, hey get to the back. She said do you know who I am, I found out she was a local land owner, very rich. He said yes I know who you are, and still get to the back. ha ha . Good for him. She walked out.
08:09 AM on 01/25/2013
My parents taught me to be polite and respects my elders and I did. I teach my children to be polite and respect their elders and they do. Life is as easy as you make it or in many cases as hard.
04:10 AM on 01/25/2013
Yes it's very true, and no-one should really be surprised now. Chivalry and courtesy went to the wall when the bra-burning man-hating feminist brigade were given credence. It seemed to spawn an attitude of "if you want equality then you get it in every direction". Ladies first meant nothing any more, and it has led on to a lowering of values and manners ever since. Feminists never did anything for femininity.
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09:39 PM on 01/25/2013
That is because "ladies first" is blatantly sexist.
"Feminists never did anything for femininity"!! I think they were more concerned with liberation! "Femininity" throughout history has merely been the male perception of women, little more.

If you want to show good manners, show it to EVERYONE. Don't use it as an excuse to perpetuate sexism.

Damn. That wasn't very nice of me.
09:26 PM on 01/24/2013
Couldn't agree with the blog more. I even found myself saying thank you to an automatic door yesterday - probably only a Brit would do that!
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09:39 PM on 01/25/2013
yep- I'm always disappointed when I get off a train and there isn't anyone to thank!
09:25 PM on 01/24/2013
France or England, it doesn't matter which, the scenario is much the same but the time of year has a bearing on it. Winter has an adverse affect on everyone so role on spring.
08:10 PM on 01/24/2013
We have been colonised by nearly 20 million visiters. Most are ignorant. We also have two generations who have been GIVEN everything during their up bringing. Consective Governments have removed punishment from society. Instant punishment and corporal punishment. So now we have millions of people who don't care, have no respect for others and no self disceplin. It will end in tears. Violence is on the increase despite what manufacturered govenment figures say. Our society has gone backwards mainly due to greed and freedom from consiquences. I could go on for hours but if you think outside the box just for a few minutes you will see where I am going with this.
10:50 PM on 01/24/2013
Agree with every word.Fanned!
11:17 AM on 01/25/2013
WEll said. You got another fan. The PC vigilantes can put us all on the same boat out of this little island !!
11:58 AM on 01/26/2013
The PC vigilanties can go suck. I have fought for the right, everybodies right to freedom of speech and freedom in the western world. In October 2000 the government passed a law that no person maybe treated differently by virtue of race, colour, creed, sexual orientation or religion. A law that is broken by the Government every single day. I am sure that if voted into power I could sort this country out. It would not be easy but with the backing of the BRITISH people I would succeed. Only IF the whole country agreed to measures to sort this FUBAR out.
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07:20 PM on 01/24/2013
Manners went out of fashion years ago along with regard for other people. We live in our own bubble never really having to talk to anyone, protected by our ipads and iphone from whats going on around us. Most people don't notice the person next to them they're so focused on themselves and what they want. Modern life.
07:49 PM on 01/24/2013
Can't agree more - as one who was brought up to believe "manners maketh the man", I can only say that women have lost theirs as quickly as the men. Partially through legislation, of course - holding a door open for a "lady" if you can find one, is likely to get you accused of discrimination, and actually making contact with someone to help them on or off a bus, etc., charged with sexual assault. Much worse though are ignorant parents, who seem oblvious to the fact their kids don't know what a hanky is, let alone what to do with it when they cough. They will, of course, be the first to go when bird flu or similar finally mutates enough to be transmissible between humans. People have forgotten that almost all manners have a benefit to society.