I am half Greek and so come from a very fiery lineage. My dad had a lot of passion in him - it was mostly positive, he would laugh his head off with friends, influence clients and surround us with oodles of love. But on occasion it came out as anger - mostly about little things, an overly zealous parking attendant or a noisy neighbour - but it didn't do him any good. He would go white as a sheet and had have stomach pains after.
I was always a docile sweet as pie little girl and then as soon as my dad died I inherited his wrath overnight. It was there already deep down like a dormant volcano. I remember feeling outraged at unfair stuff as a kid but I didn't feel I could express it. I'd just go do my homework with extra gusto and bury my frustration.
After my dad died it all came out.
I had outbursts all the time over all kinds of things. The day after his funeral I did my nut about the most insignificant of things. My mum was talking about buying a dog and taking it up for weekends to my beach home. Normal to most. I lost the plot. It was like an eruption of disgust - that my home would be invaded by dog yukkiness. I stormed out into the freezing snowy street wearing socks. I just wanted to run away.
My poor beau suffered during this time. I became hyper-protective of him having lost one man already in my life. If he came back later than normal I imagined hospitals and a crash. My fear would be all consuming and I would launch at him as if he had committed the most heinous crime.
Being in the car sent me mad. A niggle would quickly turn into a row and my rage would become so strong - too big for the car. I actually once tried to get out of it when moving. Fortunately the child-lock was on.
My worst nightmare was nearly getting into a fight with a good friend's ex - who had cheated on her. Fuelled with red wine I no longer saw myself as a five foot shrimp - in my head I had become a six foot rugby player ready for a rumble.
On a serious note getting cross just isn't good for you. My dad died of liver cancer and in Ayurvedic medicine liver is seat of anger and frustrated emotion. Cancer is still a mysterious disease so you need to treat all the causes.
For his sake I knew I needed to get some help.
Nothing good can come of anger. It enflames arguments, it creates separation and ends up poisoning you inside. I have had recurrent acid indigestion all my life - which is literally acid negative stuff that is coming back up instead of being digested.
When I was in Oz I tried a total zen lifestyle. I did yoga every day, lived in a crystal castle and meditated every day. I went vegan - so didn't eat any flesh that had suffered - and was teetotal (alcohol stimulates fire). It worked. But unsustainable and the real world. When I came back to Europe the rage returned. I hadn't dealt with any of my issues just put them on ice for a bit.
I truly believe anger is karmic, energetic and psychological. Stuff from past life, this life and you. There are lots of ways of treating those different dimensions. I thoroughly recommend past life regression or a chakra reading.
Some of you may feel this is becoming all a bit hocus pocus. But I uncovered some deep negative connections with others that needed releasing. You know when its energetic when you walk in a room with someone or something and suddenly feel cold, bizarre, not you.
The analytical approach is also key - to spit out all those niggles from childhood, past relationships. That one time when your sis sold your dolls clothes to buy herself a dog. Or being resentful of parents who made you leave a place you loved.
It all sounds easy and it isn't - its work and it never ends.
Recently I was so consumed with anger about something I got myself sick again. Literally I wanted to spit my venom. But letting go and sending light back made me feel better and took the sting out of the fight. I no longer gave the person ammunition to use against me.
My dads legacy is one of peace. I may have his Mediterranean 'volcanicity' but its better off channelled into creating than destroying. And if it all goes to pot wear an elastic bracelet and ping it every time you want to snap back at someone.
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