THE BLOG

In Defence of Ghosting

26/08/2015 16:19 BST | Updated 26/08/2016 10:59 BST

There's a new buzzword in the world of dating that is sending shivers down the spines of singletons - and it's called "ghosting".

Ghosting is where the person you're dating or in a relationship with completely blanks you, cutting off all contact and ignoring messages, phone calls and emails. It's as if they've died, hence the term.

It's a pastime reserved for the unrequited, the unloved, unwanted and undesired - and it hurts. But in the dating world of 2015, with which I am fairly well acquainted, all is not as bad as it seems.

For every time a person is ghosted they will have undoubtedly ghosted someone else - they simply haven't realised.

For the ghostee, being ghosted is awful. They may have really liked the person and will likely spend (at least) 24 hours checking their phone for a response telling themselves that their beau probably left their phone at home or has been kidnapped.

For the ghoster, however, ghosting someone is pretty straightforward, in fact, they probably don't even give the ghostee a second thought.

Unlike the ghostee, the ghoster didn't think the dates / relationship / person was that significant, they often stop replying simply because something or someone more interesting has come along.

Harsh? Yes. True? Absolutely.

One thing that isn't true, as the media would have you believe, is that it is only women who are ghosted by men. It's not. Women ghost men, women ghost women and men ghost men.

I only say this because I have both been ghosted and ghosted others. Yes, it does hurt when it happens to you, but you don't mean to hurt others when you do it to them.

Ghosting is nothing new. People have been going cold on each other for years. The difference nowadays is being permanently "switched on".

For those uninitiated in dating apps or online dating - I know first hand that all those in relationships are fascinated by them - before the average date there are days, even weeks of messaging like intense Whatsapp-style flirting.

That's why if and when ghosting does occur the silence feel so much louder than before.

Dating now operates in a throwaway culture - we all swipe left and right, collecting potential dates like Pokemon cards. Who cares if you drop, lose or even throwaway a few along the way - eh?

Like a traditional break-up it only hurts (or bruises the ego of, to avoid sounding mellow dramatic) the person on the receiving end.

My advice? Don't take being ghosted so personally, just get back online and start swiping again, you'll be surprised at how quickly the sting gets taken out of the break-up.