Dear Spring, I want a refund!
Not only have you failed to supply the correct type of weather standard to your time of month, but you somehow gave me that of last season! snow!
Someone in Mother Nature HR needs to give me answers. If this matter is not dealt with I will be forced, not only to take my business to another country, but also forwarded my complaint to the papers.
I can see the headlines now, 'Short-sleeve shirts shunned'!..'Summer shoes shelved'! and all because of your late delivery of sunshine, lack of light and no chirping birds in the morning.
I have never in my years known your season to have this mishap, I usually expect this sort of climatic behavioral problem from your neighbour season, summer, but from you! Spring?!
I have easily spent hundreds on a new barbecue set, light clothing and new white trainers that might not see the light of day because there hasn't been enough light in the day!
Because of this seasonal error the opposite sex have been forced to remain fully clothed in heavier garments for longer than expected. This has meant less flesh being shown, fewer females outdoors, and the postponing of our mate-calling rituals. This has also forced many single males to continue to occupy heavier built females from the winter season, longer than expected.
If a refund is not realistic then may I ask you give the UK a credit note whereby the tech guys at Mother Nature HR give us more sun for our season, more heat for our month and no or less precipitation in April and May.
If this means requesting more Sun to be delivered from June and July and distributed to us earlier, then so be it.
May I also add, due to the distress and confusion caused by your meteorology mix-up, that the typical warmth from the month of September also be rolled over into October.
Just like our recent economical meltdown, I also believe your ice caps are going through the same thing but with that being said, If the fat cats at Mother Nature Ltd stopped hoarding all the sun and heat for other countries and gave the UK some of the good stuff, we'd return the favour by becoming a happier, healthier and more environmentally friendly nation thus reducing your chances of messing with our season again.
I look forward to the following requests being implemented in the coming months.
Yours
a freezing UK resident.